Starr

Sometimes I feel like a child and I'm tired of playing his little games. I want to take my toys and go home, but nobody is there when I call. He doesn't play fair. He changes the rules so he wins everytime. And if not he stomps his feet and slams the doors and screams and hollers and pouts till he gets his way. Then gloats when he wins. He's mean and selfish and rude. And when I try to tell someone, he smiles and turns it all around and says I'm lieing and I'm the one who's not playing right. And they believe him because they are his family and his friends. I'm not having fun anymore. I don't want to be his friend. I want to go home. (Home to a place that does not exist anymore or perhaps it never did) Maybe I'll just runaway and never come back. That'll show him. He'll be sorry then. (It worked as a kid, why is it so difficult to do it now?)

walkingtheline

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. -1 Corinthians 13:11

You've grown up, he hasn't. It still works for him but not for you.

Home, my friend, is where your heart and mind and PEACE are. And you have the power to create the home of YOUR dreams.

(((Starr)))

COUNTRYCUTIE

He may or may not ever grow up. You already have, it's not your fault HE is so insecure with his actions that he needs to justify them by belittling you!

and as far home.... it's anywhere you want it to be, you just have to make it your own and hold it close to your heart....

Picture yourself inside the life you want, and live inside that picture each and every day as if it were already true.....slowly but surely that picture will become your reality....

hugs & prayers for strength, today and always..

luvmyfurbabies

I would never admit this to anyone but you guys but sometimes I feel like running away too. I have an alcoholic husband (who won't admit he's an alcoholic), my mother is very dependent on me, and my father is crazy. My life isn't as bad as some with AH's as mine never yells, gets angry, misses work, or goes to bars but he's still never there for me emotionally. I get more emotional support from SR than I do him. I have enough money in the bank (Retirement money) that I could cash in and run away and start all over where no one knows me. BUT, I can't leave my cats and dogs. I wouldn't do it anyway, it's just an occasional fantasy.

walkingtheline

COUNTRYCUTIE spoke volumes. We hold ALL the power over ourselves.

WORDS OF WISDOM

Carefully watch your thoughts
for they become your words.
Manage and watch your words
for they will become your actions.
Consider and judge your actions
for they will become your habits.
Acknowledge and watch your habits
for they shall become your character.
Understand and embrace your character
for it becomes your destiny and your dreams.
- author unknown

Starr

Maybe I never grew up. I was with a group of people last night and all I could do was pout, (isn't pouting his place) and feel sorry for myself (this is also his to do) but I was feeling down and sometimes I guess I act out too, to get the sympathy that I feel I need, but these people don't play the little alcoholics games, so I never got the reactions that I wanted. And now I feel bad for my actions and I feel down because of my situation andI just don't know

leem03

We all pout. It's another emotion that we have to express our uncertainty with life and our sadness surrounding our chosen path at this point.

I assume you don't get the reactions you want, because they probably don't know exactly what to say. It's hard to know what to say to a person who is grieving. I say grieving because I think that's what you're doing.......grieving for the life you wanted and for the life that you have at this point. There is nothing wrong with that. But just like when someone dies, no one knows the exact words to say to make the family member feel better. The situation still is true here. Let these friends into your head and let them support you. You will be surprised by the responses you get when they really know what is going on.

Good Luck