sugartopper

whiston...wow you said it all...I will wake up tomorrow with a new attitude...he is off at at water park with our daughter and her..he has chosen his life it is time for me to get on with mine...thank you for all the advice. you have all been so helpful it is just so lonely.

sugartopper

Well here I am again! today was the beginning of the end..Someone called my stb exs probation officer and told them he went to cedar point which is a probation violation and they told him they were going to violate him...guess what that is my fault too! why is it that everything is my fault and nothing is his fault he is the one who went out of state with his girlfriend and our daughter. If someone felt it necessary to call them to stop the madness ( he called me on Sat and I went and had sex with him) and then he went to cedar point with her..my friends all are worried that my spirit will die if he was allowed to keep it up and I was not strong enough to make him stop. Why do I feel relieved I hope he does go to jail! Is that bad?

brightlight

Whiston said it!!! Go girl!

brightlight

Oh and to answer your question, no that is not bad and I hope he goes to jail and I do not even know him!!!

sugartopper

He has broken most of my spirit and it is hard for me to understand that. I am doing a lot of reading of co-dependancy and finding out that I am textbook. Someone told me today that if I do not stop I will slowly die inside. I have been really successful in my career but failed horribly in my marriage. I love my husband and would have done anything for him, but that is the past he has his girlfriend and really nothing else! How do you move on when it hurts so bad. If he does go to jail the kids will be hurt but he will stop hurting me. He hates me right now and told me today I was dead to him.

minnie

(((sugartopper)))

How do you move on? One day at at time, one hour at a time, heck, even one minute at a time. You have been through a huge emotional ordeal, like being kidnapped. It takes time to get over that trauma. Be gentle with yourself. Have you checked out al-anon meetings? That's is where I have started to regain my spirit and I know many others have too.

For your own emotional wellbeing, I would suggest letting his words roll of you like water off a ducks back. He is very sick in the mind and he will say anything to make you feel bad. In his twisted way, it makes him feel better. You can't "make" him stop doing it, but you can learn to stop it affecting you. It took a long time for me to be able to do that, but it keeps me sane now.

Take care.

Minnie
xxx

cwohio

(((sugartopper))) - just wanted to send a hug your way. geez - i wish mine would leave and make it easier on me in that respect, but apparently my HP wants me to learn something in all of this. hang in there and come and talk to us - we're here for each other!

splendra

(((ST)))

I think one of the most difficult things for us to learn when dealing with the active addiction of a loved one is what we do to cause our own pain and being able to set the boundries that protect us...

sugartopper

Tomorrow my husband (soon to be ex) will be sentenced for his fourth drunk driving but it was plead down to a second offense misdemeanor. For some reason I am the bad guy and they are all sitting over at his house girlfriend Bill and one of our children and I cannot even call to say goodluck and that I love him...he hates me right now and thinks that I am the bad guy. I really miss him and am so torn as to what I want to happen to him if he goes to jail he isn't with his girlfriend and I feel vindicted but then he also might come back but do I really want him back can you hear how confused I am?

kayleezen

Thank you so much for these words of hope, "working things out,"
and from a place of strength. We hear a lot about not working things out and this is always possible too.

searching peace

OMG! I feel your pain. I have been there done that! Please keep reading on this forum. Go to alanon, learn all you can about codependency and you might look at love addiction. Please go no contact. Block his number, emails and texts, let him communicate through your attorney about the children. And why would he expose children to someone he is having an affair with when you are still legally married? Stop being his doormat! Think about it like this...take a step back and look at what he is doing to you, what would you tell your friend if they had someone treating them this way??? He just wants to control you and inflate his ego. I hope you are using protection. Actually, I hope you stop having sex with him all together! If you are sleeping with him and he is sleeping with bartender girlfriend, do you know for certain she isn't sleeping with its other men that are sleeping with other women, etc... And by sleeping with him you are pretty much being exposed to all of the other people! Please try and set a good example for your children, go no contact, work on becoming healthy yourself and don't look back! Sending you strength to be able to leave this jerk behind!!!

Hawkeye13

The OP's post is from 2005--I hope it worked out but you may not get a response SP

searching peace

Thanks Hawkeye! I didn't even see that. Someone posted and refreshed the thread and I just read and didn't read the date. I agree with you and hope it worked out. A lot of pain on this forum, along with a lot of wisdom. Thanks again.

IKneedaBreak

Consider yourself lucky. I wish mine would leave me.