Brother in the Gulf
 

this is my first venture here. my brother is working in the Gulf, in Qatar. no, not a military thing, a business law thing. he was told last year if he didn't quit, he'd have a year tops. he dried out at my place back home here, then went back to the Gulf. now he's planning to marry a young woman, and he's drinking again. i know its his problem. i know the drill. the question i'm asking is for me.

i figure that by this time next year he'll be dead. married or not. he's all i have, both our parents are dead, and i know that i'll need to feel that i did/said everything that i could. that i tried, or the guilt will get to me.

what can i say now, that will ease the guilt for me later.

i know i know, it probably won't work. i'm prepared for that.

but i have to write him and say something.

what can i say?

Welcome to SR Dibbis, you've come to a good place where you will find lots of support.

You sound like a wonderful sister, and I'm sure he loves you very much. The thing is, there is nothing you can do to help him or save him, except say a prayer each day for him.

Anything more than that has to come from him. Only he can decide whether to continue drinking or to quit, and nothing you do can make that happen any faster.

Take a read around, especially the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum, and you will find a lot of good information that may help you.

My prayers go out for you and for him, that he will find a better path soon.

Hugs
Ann

(((Dibbis)))
I'm sorry for your fears. My only son is a heroin addict, so I know your fear first hand. And I can tell you honestly, from the bottom of my heart, one thing. There is nothing you can do or say that will make any difference in his drinking.
There is one thing that you can say that will matter to him, though...
That is, "I love you."
Please do look around. There are many people here who understand, care and are willing to share their Experience, Strength and Hope, (ESH), with you.
I look forward to getting to know you as we both grow in our recovery.
Shalom!

You can say "I love you and I'm here for you if you need me".

No matter what he chooses to do, no matter the outcome, there is no reason for you to feel guilty. You aren't making him drink.

In Al-Anon, we learn the 3 C's--

You didn't cause it (alcoholism).

You can't cure it.

You can't control it.



You can, however, learn to cope with the situation.

I wish you peace...

Dibbis.....Welcome to SR.....you have already been given some terrific advice from some very wonderful people...I agree..... the only thing you can do is tell him you love him and you are there for him......my prayers go out to you and your brother...I hate this disease....
Love, Patty

I read your post last night and I wanted to reply but I just didn't know what to say. But reading what's been posted here I can say I fully agree with what they have told you. I am glad someone was able to put it into words. My thoughts and prayers to you and your brother as well.

Welcome to SR.
Come join us whenever you can. Sounds like you are looking for a support group. Al-Anon can help as well. My home Al-Anon group and sponsor knows more about the pain of my living with the family disease of alcoholism than my own birth family ever will. They have held me up when I couldn't go on another day. Why not give it a try.

Do take a read around and you may find some of help you need to get though this.

You are not alone in this unless you choose to be.

Love and prayers from one who cares.