It's going to hit the fan
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Lost in the world
Posts: 107
It's going to hit the fan
I know this is a little long, but please read it all and give me your comments, I'm driving myself nuts with the turmoil of my decision......
Well, my AH has been in rehab for 12 days now. We chose the place he went because they claimed to specifically treat those with a "Dual Diagnosis." This meant that my AH would get help for the drinking and his depression. He said they haven't been helping him with the depression at all and that he has barely met with a counselor on his own to discuss any of the issues. At first he refused to talk to them about it and ask about seeking help for the depression. He also told me not to call either because he didn't want to ruffle any feathers. So I obliged, figuring he needs to do all of this on his own to get anything out of it. So the one group counselor finally got him to speak up about it on Friday and he met with the Owner of the facility on Saturday.
The owner apologized and said that he didn't realize what the problem was and that the counselor he had talked to would likely be fired for telling him to read 164 pages of 2 books and then to write a summary on them. That was his idea of therapy I guess. My AH told them then that he planned on leaving the facility because he felt his needs weren't being met. The owner offered to give him 1 weeks stay free of charge due to the problems and encouraged him to stay and work on his problems. He declined and the owner basically told him that he is running away from his problems once again and that all he is going to do is fail. BIG RED FLAG. That's one of his trigger problems. He was always told my his dad that he would amount to nothing and be a loser, so he immediately wanted to run then.
So he called me today and asked me to make the flight arrangements for him to come home tomorrow. Again, as I said, I know this has to be his decision so I told him when the flight was & told him to let the facility know to be sure he could make it. Then an hour later I got a call from one of the counselors making sure that I knew he was leaving. He said it was against there judgment and that he personally was willing to work with AH to get to the REAL problems that he has with his depression. So we got to talking and I explained the REAL TRUTH other than the fabricated life that he had been telling them about and the counselor was even more convinced that he needed to stay and that they could finally try to work out his problems, now that some light was shone on the situation.
So here's where it's going to hit........He believes that he will be getting on a plane tomorrow at noon that I haven't booked per the counselor's advice. They plan on "Outing" him tomorrow morning in front of his peers so that they all hear the real truth. They are going to basically embarass him in front of everybody and then try to turn it into a positive by saying in spite of all of these things, we still love you. In spite of all of these things we still want to help you. They also plan to tell him that your wife has recinded her offer to purchase your plane ticket so you're out of luck. HE IS GOING TO BE SOOOO MAD!!!! I am so upset about this whole thing but realize that it's for his own good, right??? I can't even imagine the rage he is going to be feeling when they do this. He will know that all of the information came from me and he is going to blow!
So I talked to his parents about it, and his dad is supportive and said that he will back me. I told his mom that I would tell him that they got the information from your mom & dad. She said, "Oh Hell no you won't." This is what I have to work with. I'm putting my feelings and fears totally on the line here and she'll back me on them, as long as she doesn't have to be the bad guy. It's all good, he needs to be there & he needs to stay, but not because of anything that she says or does. It's just ok if he's pissed off at me instead. That really makes me angry. She is his mother. She should back me 1000% and say that she agreed with the decision, but she'll say she knew nothing about it.
UGH!! Well thanks for reading all of this if you got this far. I guess I just really need to know that I'm doing the right thing here. Just as a side note, we are separated and he has been living with his "Friend" on her couch. He told our 5 year old daughter that he was going to go to rehab so that he could get better and come back home to be with you and Mommy again.
I am doing the right thing by not booking the flight, right. He is going to be so mad at me though. But better mad at me then not working out his problems. This way he will get the help he needs even if he is mad at me for the rest of his life.
Well, my AH has been in rehab for 12 days now. We chose the place he went because they claimed to specifically treat those with a "Dual Diagnosis." This meant that my AH would get help for the drinking and his depression. He said they haven't been helping him with the depression at all and that he has barely met with a counselor on his own to discuss any of the issues. At first he refused to talk to them about it and ask about seeking help for the depression. He also told me not to call either because he didn't want to ruffle any feathers. So I obliged, figuring he needs to do all of this on his own to get anything out of it. So the one group counselor finally got him to speak up about it on Friday and he met with the Owner of the facility on Saturday.
The owner apologized and said that he didn't realize what the problem was and that the counselor he had talked to would likely be fired for telling him to read 164 pages of 2 books and then to write a summary on them. That was his idea of therapy I guess. My AH told them then that he planned on leaving the facility because he felt his needs weren't being met. The owner offered to give him 1 weeks stay free of charge due to the problems and encouraged him to stay and work on his problems. He declined and the owner basically told him that he is running away from his problems once again and that all he is going to do is fail. BIG RED FLAG. That's one of his trigger problems. He was always told my his dad that he would amount to nothing and be a loser, so he immediately wanted to run then.
So he called me today and asked me to make the flight arrangements for him to come home tomorrow. Again, as I said, I know this has to be his decision so I told him when the flight was & told him to let the facility know to be sure he could make it. Then an hour later I got a call from one of the counselors making sure that I knew he was leaving. He said it was against there judgment and that he personally was willing to work with AH to get to the REAL problems that he has with his depression. So we got to talking and I explained the REAL TRUTH other than the fabricated life that he had been telling them about and the counselor was even more convinced that he needed to stay and that they could finally try to work out his problems, now that some light was shone on the situation.
So here's where it's going to hit........He believes that he will be getting on a plane tomorrow at noon that I haven't booked per the counselor's advice. They plan on "Outing" him tomorrow morning in front of his peers so that they all hear the real truth. They are going to basically embarass him in front of everybody and then try to turn it into a positive by saying in spite of all of these things, we still love you. In spite of all of these things we still want to help you. They also plan to tell him that your wife has recinded her offer to purchase your plane ticket so you're out of luck. HE IS GOING TO BE SOOOO MAD!!!! I am so upset about this whole thing but realize that it's for his own good, right??? I can't even imagine the rage he is going to be feeling when they do this. He will know that all of the information came from me and he is going to blow!
So I talked to his parents about it, and his dad is supportive and said that he will back me. I told his mom that I would tell him that they got the information from your mom & dad. She said, "Oh Hell no you won't." This is what I have to work with. I'm putting my feelings and fears totally on the line here and she'll back me on them, as long as she doesn't have to be the bad guy. It's all good, he needs to be there & he needs to stay, but not because of anything that she says or does. It's just ok if he's pissed off at me instead. That really makes me angry. She is his mother. She should back me 1000% and say that she agreed with the decision, but she'll say she knew nothing about it.
UGH!! Well thanks for reading all of this if you got this far. I guess I just really need to know that I'm doing the right thing here. Just as a side note, we are separated and he has been living with his "Friend" on her couch. He told our 5 year old daughter that he was going to go to rehab so that he could get better and come back home to be with you and Mommy again.
I am doing the right thing by not booking the flight, right. He is going to be so mad at me though. But better mad at me then not working out his problems. This way he will get the help he needs even if he is mad at me for the rest of his life.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Faith without works is dead
Posts: 26
In my opinion, honesty is the second most important word in recovery; God being the first.
The rehab is not going to embarrass him. If he was the one telling stories, he is responsible for embarrassing himself. They are only calling him on his dishonesty. He must be held accountable. He is not the victim here.
You know, this incident is not all about him; its about you, too. Your faith is being tested. I recommend focusing on steps 1,2, & 3. Remember: you are powerless. God is in control here, so give it to God and trust that he will work it out.
Also, His stuff is between him and God. You letting go gives him the opportunity to work that out with God.
Good luck.
The rehab is not going to embarrass him. If he was the one telling stories, he is responsible for embarrassing himself. They are only calling him on his dishonesty. He must be held accountable. He is not the victim here.
You know, this incident is not all about him; its about you, too. Your faith is being tested. I recommend focusing on steps 1,2, & 3. Remember: you are powerless. God is in control here, so give it to God and trust that he will work it out.
Also, His stuff is between him and God. You letting go gives him the opportunity to work that out with God.
Good luck.
Cruelty-Free
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Body: South Florida Heart: Yosemite National Park
Posts: 914
It sounds to me like you've made the best, most appropriate decision you could make.
It also sounds as if he set up his escape route out of treatment and is making it "their" fault. Remember, this is a disease that resists its own recovery. Let the treatment team do their job. Hopefully, he'll reach a point of willingness and will do the next right thing.
It also sounds as if he set up his escape route out of treatment and is making it "their" fault. Remember, this is a disease that resists its own recovery. Let the treatment team do their job. Hopefully, he'll reach a point of willingness and will do the next right thing.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Lost in the world
Posts: 107
Well he just tried calling this morning it's now 8:30am and didn't leave an answer. I didn't answer the phone, but my stomach is in complete knots, which are doing twists and turns all over the place. So I really don't know if they have already confronted him or not. They may wait till a little later this morning. I am really nervous about the backlash I am going to get from him regarding this. I firmly believe though that he knows that I only want the best for him and for him to get well and be happy again. How could I willingly book a plane ticket when his counselors said they really believe that they can help him. I would be crazy to do that.
Thank you both Swanie & nocellphone for your responses. They meant alot. It's just so hard knowing that he is going to be so upset and that I will be somewhat to blame for his initial hurt. But I have to do it for him. If he's not strong enough to do it on his own, I don't have to help him along by making it easy for him to leave. He has been mad at me for one reason or another over the years and I'm sure this won't be the last time. Unless of course this little confrontation of theirs fails and he still tells them he's not staying. Then I would have done it all for nothing because then he'll just be so angry and would not have gotten the help anyways. Oh man, I have to quit thinking about it. It drove me crazy all night long. I just kept replaying in my mind his mom telling me, "Oh Hell no you won't" about saying she had any part in the decision not to book his flight. She really makes me so angry. Again, it's ok for me to be the bad guy here and get all of the flack. If she didn't really agree she could've booked a plane ticket herself. Rehab isn't cheap, this is all being charged on yet another credit card bill that I can't afford right now. I didn't hear her offer to fork over any of the payments.
Ok sorry for complaining. I have to get it out on here, because I don't want to say anything too much to her about it. I need his parents to support me at least somewhat with all of this, so I can't go & tick them off now.
Thanks again for your support!
Thank you both Swanie & nocellphone for your responses. They meant alot. It's just so hard knowing that he is going to be so upset and that I will be somewhat to blame for his initial hurt. But I have to do it for him. If he's not strong enough to do it on his own, I don't have to help him along by making it easy for him to leave. He has been mad at me for one reason or another over the years and I'm sure this won't be the last time. Unless of course this little confrontation of theirs fails and he still tells them he's not staying. Then I would have done it all for nothing because then he'll just be so angry and would not have gotten the help anyways. Oh man, I have to quit thinking about it. It drove me crazy all night long. I just kept replaying in my mind his mom telling me, "Oh Hell no you won't" about saying she had any part in the decision not to book his flight. She really makes me so angry. Again, it's ok for me to be the bad guy here and get all of the flack. If she didn't really agree she could've booked a plane ticket herself. Rehab isn't cheap, this is all being charged on yet another credit card bill that I can't afford right now. I didn't hear her offer to fork over any of the payments.
Ok sorry for complaining. I have to get it out on here, because I don't want to say anything too much to her about it. I need his parents to support me at least somewhat with all of this, so I can't go & tick them off now.
Thanks again for your support!
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
(((leem03))) no words of wisdom - just know that i am thinking about you and hope that he looks at this as an opportunity and not an attack. don't let his mom's attitude bug you - she's obviously got issues too.
prayers & hugs - christie
prayers & hugs - christie
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Lost in the world
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Thanks Christie, but unfortunately it backfired, just as I figured it would. He got very upset about the whole thing and refused to try to stick it out. He supposedly got someone else to buy the ticket for him and is on his way to the airport right now.
This is what I was afraid of. Now I put myself out on the line and it didn't work, so I am going to be the enemy. Someone that tried to keep him in a place of hell. He is very angry right now as I knew he would be. But I had to try, right? I am so upset right now.
This is what I was afraid of. Now I put myself out on the line and it didn't work, so I am going to be the enemy. Someone that tried to keep him in a place of hell. He is very angry right now as I knew he would be. But I had to try, right? I am so upset right now.
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Lost in the world
Posts: 107
Thanks Minnie! I just keep crying my eyes out here. He was SO close to getting the help he needed. And he is just running away again. It is killing me. He keeps calling and I keep asking him to reconsider. But he is just so angry with me. He's telling me he'll never talk to me again. Which I tell him is fine, because I only did it so that he could get help. Why would someone else buy the ticket? Why would they bail him out. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Personally, I would just drop the issue of the rehab. He's obviously not ready yet. I would bet my house that he is mainly angry at himself for bailing out, not you. It's just that As are so used to passing the buck.
Keep calm. This is HIS recovery. He can do what he likes with it. As long as you make sure he pays for it. Focus on your stuff - I know just how hard it is at the moment, but there really isn't anything you can do for him. Can you do something fun with the little one today?
Keep calm. This is HIS recovery. He can do what he likes with it. As long as you make sure he pays for it. Focus on your stuff - I know just how hard it is at the moment, but there really isn't anything you can do for him. Can you do something fun with the little one today?
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Join Date: Aug 2004
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Posts: 107
I know it's about him and that he needs to be the one to consciously make the decisions in his recovery, but darn it he is right there & letting it slip through his fingers.
As far as doing something for myself, I can barely go 15 minutes without tears pouring down my face because this whole thing upsets me so badly. I guess he is going to miss his flight and the next one doesn't leave till 7:30 on that airlines. So he is either going to sit there and wait or will probably try to get on another airlines to make it home sooner.
He's telling me he will never speak to me again and that he can't believe I would do this to him, blah, blah, blah. All of that I can handle, I knew he was going to be mad, I just hoped that it would work in a positive way.
OH BOY! So he gave me the number of another client down there with him. He is the one who gave him the credit card number to get on the flight. I explained the situation to him and now he is in agreement with me that he should stay. WOW! So this other addict is now going to try to talk him into staying at least a little while longer. He is lying to everyone telling them that he has a sick uncle that is going to be having triple Bi-pass Surgery. So the friend is a little irritated about being lied to.
I don't know, maybe there is still a shred of hope in this whole thing. And if he's mad at me now for talking to his friend down there it's his fault because he's the one who gave me his number.
Please keep praying for him here, there still might me hope!!
As far as doing something for myself, I can barely go 15 minutes without tears pouring down my face because this whole thing upsets me so badly. I guess he is going to miss his flight and the next one doesn't leave till 7:30 on that airlines. So he is either going to sit there and wait or will probably try to get on another airlines to make it home sooner.
He's telling me he will never speak to me again and that he can't believe I would do this to him, blah, blah, blah. All of that I can handle, I knew he was going to be mad, I just hoped that it would work in a positive way.
OH BOY! So he gave me the number of another client down there with him. He is the one who gave him the credit card number to get on the flight. I explained the situation to him and now he is in agreement with me that he should stay. WOW! So this other addict is now going to try to talk him into staying at least a little while longer. He is lying to everyone telling them that he has a sick uncle that is going to be having triple Bi-pass Surgery. So the friend is a little irritated about being lied to.
I don't know, maybe there is still a shred of hope in this whole thing. And if he's mad at me now for talking to his friend down there it's his fault because he's the one who gave me his number.
Please keep praying for him here, there still might me hope!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
leem03 - our HP works in mysterious ways. his delayed flight... all of this is for a reason and maybe this delay will allow him time to think.
prayers and hugs to you - dry those tears!
christie
prayers and hugs to you - dry those tears!
christie
Cruelty-Free
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Body: South Florida Heart: Yosemite National Park
Posts: 914
leem...
I hope you are able to take care of yourself through this ordeal and that you don't lose sight of the things you need to do for yourself, the self-caring things like eating, sleeping and the like.
It never ceases to amaze me that they're the ones who are drinking but we're the ones going out of our minds and, too often, dying from it.
Please, please, please---if you haven't already, find an Al-Anon meeting near you and go listen to how the people there have learned to cope with situations like yours.
I hope you are able to take care of yourself through this ordeal and that you don't lose sight of the things you need to do for yourself, the self-caring things like eating, sleeping and the like.
It never ceases to amaze me that they're the ones who are drinking but we're the ones going out of our minds and, too often, dying from it.
Please, please, please---if you haven't already, find an Al-Anon meeting near you and go listen to how the people there have learned to cope with situations like yours.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Faith without works is dead
Posts: 26
Leem,
By what you expressed here, its clear to me that you tried to make a decision in his best interest. If you think you could have handled it better, maybe say so and make ammends. However, dont apologize for wanting to see H get well/connected with his HP. Nothing wrong with that. Your hearts in the right place.
By what you expressed here, its clear to me that you tried to make a decision in his best interest. If you think you could have handled it better, maybe say so and make ammends. However, dont apologize for wanting to see H get well/connected with his HP. Nothing wrong with that. Your hearts in the right place.
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Recoveryville, USA
Posts: 1,297
You are allowed to make decisions and choices that are best for you, which you did. You chose not to enable.
Now, to expecthim to undestand that,,dont.
Let him have his feelings of anger, if he choses.
You are no longer a people pleaser, unless you want to be. He is an adult, made his decision to bail out of rehab, and you made a deicison not to enable that. Case closed.
Now,,,what do you have in your life that is positive that you can focus on in order to let go of all this drama?
Now, to expecthim to undestand that,,dont.
Let him have his feelings of anger, if he choses.
You are no longer a people pleaser, unless you want to be. He is an adult, made his decision to bail out of rehab, and you made a deicison not to enable that. Case closed.
Now,,,what do you have in your life that is positive that you can focus on in order to let go of all this drama?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: bowling green ky
Posts: 201
Hate to say it- but it sounds like they were trying to "force" him into something- now I am sure they meant well- but if you AH is anything like mine- mine would BALK at the first sign of somthing like that- he would be even more determined not to get treatment-
good luck when he gets home- you only did what you thought was right
good luck when he gets home- you only did what you thought was right
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Parker, CO
Posts: 495
I know how you feel. He does not want to get sober.
My AH left rehab twice against medical advice and then just got kicked out of an outpatient rehab for drinking too much in it.
When I was reading your post I figured he would not stay. They don't care about what anyone says, they just want to drink, it is their first priority in life.
I am so sorry you are going through this. It is very painful!
My AH left rehab twice against medical advice and then just got kicked out of an outpatient rehab for drinking too much in it.
When I was reading your post I figured he would not stay. They don't care about what anyone says, they just want to drink, it is their first priority in life.
I am so sorry you are going through this. It is very painful!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
Hi Leem,
Hon, I read the whole thing and could just hear the responses in my head that I got when I tried to make my xabf go to rehab.
I learned the hard way that what these good people were telling me was the truth. Nobody can force anyone to get sober. It's a decision that the A makes for him/her self.
Yeah, he's gonna be mad and you're gonna be the "bad person" like I was for awhile. But, that's ok. Because you did what you believed in your heart was the right thing for him to get the help he needed. I honestly thought that I was doing xabf a huge favor and making him get help. He hated me for it, his family jumped ALL over me.....I had to change my cell phone #, that didn't stop him (while in rehab), so I got a R O out on him and then come to find out, he got kicked outta rehab on the 26th day. He had two days to go to graduate. Now, he's going to a year long program on a farm. It's a great program and through a source, I hear he's looking "forward to it". I hope so, I pray that this time it works for him. He's getting a 2nd chance at life and the doors have been opened for him. I'm staying completely out of it and just watching and waiting.
So, yeah, I've been in the same situation as you're going through now (and many others on here at one point or another) and it's NOT FUN! But, it's completely outta your hands.
I've noticed one thing, though, through this all. When the enablers back away and totally leave the A to make decisions for him/her self, then's when the changes start. When they finally realize that nobody is gonna be there to pick them up when they fall or take care of them.......that they are on their own as far as decisions go.......they either sink or swim.
My family, friends loved me, but they all got sick of me wasting my life when I drank for 10 years. I was all by myself when I decided 11 years ago to quit drinking. And, I did it with God's help and nobody else's. It was hard work and my family sat back and watched because they had heard it before "I'm gonna quit drinking" and had seen me fail each time.
When they finally got to see that I was serious about getting sober and really working to get there and stay there, they were amazed and SO grateful! But, I had to show/do it for myself, first. I WANTED IT. That's thee big difference when it comes to sobriety.
In the meantime, take care of you. Love yourself and don't listen to all the nasty blame. YOU are not to blame. It's the disease. Give yourself a big hug and go have fun and don't let anymore time pass you by. Go live YOUR life.
((hugs))
Hon, I read the whole thing and could just hear the responses in my head that I got when I tried to make my xabf go to rehab.
I learned the hard way that what these good people were telling me was the truth. Nobody can force anyone to get sober. It's a decision that the A makes for him/her self.
Yeah, he's gonna be mad and you're gonna be the "bad person" like I was for awhile. But, that's ok. Because you did what you believed in your heart was the right thing for him to get the help he needed. I honestly thought that I was doing xabf a huge favor and making him get help. He hated me for it, his family jumped ALL over me.....I had to change my cell phone #, that didn't stop him (while in rehab), so I got a R O out on him and then come to find out, he got kicked outta rehab on the 26th day. He had two days to go to graduate. Now, he's going to a year long program on a farm. It's a great program and through a source, I hear he's looking "forward to it". I hope so, I pray that this time it works for him. He's getting a 2nd chance at life and the doors have been opened for him. I'm staying completely out of it and just watching and waiting.
So, yeah, I've been in the same situation as you're going through now (and many others on here at one point or another) and it's NOT FUN! But, it's completely outta your hands.
I've noticed one thing, though, through this all. When the enablers back away and totally leave the A to make decisions for him/her self, then's when the changes start. When they finally realize that nobody is gonna be there to pick them up when they fall or take care of them.......that they are on their own as far as decisions go.......they either sink or swim.
My family, friends loved me, but they all got sick of me wasting my life when I drank for 10 years. I was all by myself when I decided 11 years ago to quit drinking. And, I did it with God's help and nobody else's. It was hard work and my family sat back and watched because they had heard it before "I'm gonna quit drinking" and had seen me fail each time.
When they finally got to see that I was serious about getting sober and really working to get there and stay there, they were amazed and SO grateful! But, I had to show/do it for myself, first. I WANTED IT. That's thee big difference when it comes to sobriety.
In the meantime, take care of you. Love yourself and don't listen to all the nasty blame. YOU are not to blame. It's the disease. Give yourself a big hug and go have fun and don't let anymore time pass you by. Go live YOUR life.
((hugs))
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Lost in the world
Posts: 107
This whole drama is such a pain. So anyways, I swear I couldn't make stuff up to be this darn crazy. So he tried to get on another flight which cost about $800 and chose not to tell his Rehab Buddy. So the guy was Ticked off. He then reported the card stolen and called to let me know. So I then call AH and he tells me he's sitting on the plane, and wonders what he should do. So they come & get him off the plane & then he calls me & asks if he can have a credit card number. Well I didn't want him to get into legal trouble over something that I am now blaming myself for so I give him the number. Well the police were then involved. So he missed that flight anyways. I had to talk to a detective on the phone who asked me what this Rehab Buddy said about reporting the card stolen. I told him that it was all a misunderstanding. So they had to wait until they got ahold of the friend and he elected not to press charges so they let him go. So now at this time it's too late for him to get another flight out. He has been sick there and running a fever of 103 and I got that confirmed from the nurse, so he's complaining about being sick and he's crying because he doesn't have any money.
So, of course....I cave! I called a local hotel got him picked up by a shuttle and arranged for his flight home today. Our daughter and I went & picked him up at the airport. He left shortly after telling me that he had to go meet with his "Friend's" (the girlfriend he won't cop to) dad. He says he going to give him her keys back and that her dad has all of his stuff from her apartment to give back to him. Well Whatever! Her dad is also a bar buddy too!
That was about 4:00 and he called me about 7:00 and it sounded as if he was in a bar. Go FIGURE!!! So I took a little cruise by her place tonight at 9:30 and low & behold his vehicle is there. So I am officially calling it quits with our relationship. I told him if he went back to her place than that was the absolute last time I would ever speak to him. And you know what, this time I mean it. I am so hurt over this whole thing. I bend over backwards to help him & he goes off & gets drunk again & goes right back to her.
Yes I did figure this is what would happen. But you know that little voice inside that keeps hanging onto that small shred of hope is what kept me going. So I'm sure I'll get a nice story on my voice mail tomorrow as I will NOT be answering his phone calls. Some sob story. He'll need help because he's sick and he won't know what to do. Then it will happen again, where he'll tell me that he is going to get help again. He's going to see a counselor and get himself together. And hopefully that time I won't believe him, because I'm tired of doing everything in my power to help him only to get walked on again by him & that darn tramp.
I am so sick of being hurt.
So, of course....I cave! I called a local hotel got him picked up by a shuttle and arranged for his flight home today. Our daughter and I went & picked him up at the airport. He left shortly after telling me that he had to go meet with his "Friend's" (the girlfriend he won't cop to) dad. He says he going to give him her keys back and that her dad has all of his stuff from her apartment to give back to him. Well Whatever! Her dad is also a bar buddy too!
That was about 4:00 and he called me about 7:00 and it sounded as if he was in a bar. Go FIGURE!!! So I took a little cruise by her place tonight at 9:30 and low & behold his vehicle is there. So I am officially calling it quits with our relationship. I told him if he went back to her place than that was the absolute last time I would ever speak to him. And you know what, this time I mean it. I am so hurt over this whole thing. I bend over backwards to help him & he goes off & gets drunk again & goes right back to her.
Yes I did figure this is what would happen. But you know that little voice inside that keeps hanging onto that small shred of hope is what kept me going. So I'm sure I'll get a nice story on my voice mail tomorrow as I will NOT be answering his phone calls. Some sob story. He'll need help because he's sick and he won't know what to do. Then it will happen again, where he'll tell me that he is going to get help again. He's going to see a counselor and get himself together. And hopefully that time I won't believe him, because I'm tired of doing everything in my power to help him only to get walked on again by him & that darn tramp.
I am so sick of being hurt.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
Oh, MAN! That has got to really hurt! Seeing him at the other girl's place.
Time to detach and get into doing things for you........not him anymore. Don't feel obligated to bail him out of anything. That just enables him to do more.
Read books, go to Al-anon meetings, keep posting here and start doing things for yourself. I know us codies think if we do something for ourselves, that that is selfish. But, that's not true. We are actually doing ourselves thee biggest favor ever and then we'll be able to love others that are good to us, as well.
I know you love him, but he's just a man and not God over your life. Don't give him that power. Take it back for yourself and family!
((hugs))
Time to detach and get into doing things for you........not him anymore. Don't feel obligated to bail him out of anything. That just enables him to do more.
Read books, go to Al-anon meetings, keep posting here and start doing things for yourself. I know us codies think if we do something for ourselves, that that is selfish. But, that's not true. We are actually doing ourselves thee biggest favor ever and then we'll be able to love others that are good to us, as well.
I know you love him, but he's just a man and not God over your life. Don't give him that power. Take it back for yourself and family!
((hugs))
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