When I lay by another girl...
 

When I lay by another girl who I dont love and is just here to keep me company, even when I lay on my back, and she lays on my side with her head on my chest and leg over mine which is my favorite position to lay with another girl, I did not feel the feelings I used to feel when my ex laid in that same position with me, it felt empty and for some reason, a deep sense of sadness ran through my body like a rush from nowhere.

It felt as if a spirit of memories flew right through me flashing memories through my soul and then it left back out... putting me in a state of remembering....

I always thought it was just the position of how a girl lays on me that made my chest feel that sense of warmth, but I guess it was really that in combination with love that did it. I dont know, but just know I'm much more self aware and trying to find myself in this whole process has been an amazing learning experience...

I have been doing really well, but I still think of her everyday, and once in a long while I really really miss her. Moving forward is not a questoin anymore, I've already left, but still... sometimes I wish she could be here again to lay her head down on me.

I know I said I wouldnt find any girls for now, but its kind of hard... just wanted to share, wonder if others ever had such experience post breaking up with ex-a, or just a rant.

Yepppers...

There have been many times that I could not bring myself to even cuddle with someone because they did not feel right. No one feels right after a breakup with someone you love because love is what made all the difference. I have actually gotten sick to my stomach once trying to cuddle with the wrong person.

I think about my ex everyday still, and though Im not dating there is a guy in my life that Im very close too.. sometimes I feel guilty cuz I cant get the ex out of my system yet... but you know what, its ok. This man and I are good friends and I dont think Im ready for more then that, and being that we are good friends he respects the boundries. WOW now that is a new one for me, someone that respects my boundries.

I think its all part of the greiving.... and we just are not done yet Code.

((((((((CM))))))))

Give yourself more time; you're still grieving. This is another reason why I know I'm not ready to date. I would continue to compare everyone to my xabf.

I think it's great that you can come here and talk about your feelings! I'm sorry you are missing her; I know exactly how you feel. :(

Hugs,
Savana

Yeah, Codemaster..........that's one of the sad parts of letting go. It's only been a little over a month for me, but I can't even think about someone else touching me.

I have male friends that I really love talking to, but none that I'm attracted to and that will take awhile for me.

The time will come when I will be able to love again. I'll know in my heart when that time is.

I was reading this morning in the book by Melody Beattie called "Choices" about taking control of our lives:


"Feel as frustrated as you want. It's better than staying numb. Try to control everything until you run out of yourself. Get depleted if you must. Then turn frustration into fascination. Gain control another way. Deliberatley choose to enter the cave of the unknown.

Step carefully. It's okay if you can't see. It's better that way. Your senses will kick in. Relax. Breathe. Feel your way through until you see a glimmer of light.

........let go of what you think you know. Step inside. Look around. It's okay if you can't figure things out. Shhhh. Listen to the secret: the more you're willing to surrender control, the more powerful you'll become.

Welcome to the mystery of life."

It's all about finding our own personal journey and that's different for everyone.

((hugs))

Wow Codemaster......I am impressed....you have come so far in the past couple of months.....
Love, Patty

Thanks for sharing that GF!:) It totally relates to what I'm going through in a new City; not so sure about things and all the new people.

Thanks, its nice to know this is normal... wishing you all the best always.

code - you indeed have come far in a short time. i juwi know from your posts that you iwll find happiness again and those special feelings with the right person when the time is right. hang in there buddy - you're worth it!

it happens....in the process...geez i am using that word an awful lot these days!!! i think it is a good thing though...i mean think about it....if you felt that feeling with the first person that came along--or every person that came along---you wouldnt be capable of knowing what love feels like to you. take the companionship, (as long as you dont lead anyone on), and one day.....sur..........prise..!...you will both feel that feeling thats been missing!!!