Rho

I retained my divorce lawyer for $5000 this past Monday & I have been wishy washy about it all and have been wanting to change my mind. I just spoke to my husband 2 minutes ago and I asked him if he wanted to fo to councling and he went off and said after family court . I said huh? he said yeah I barrowd the money and am filing for a DIVORCE! YOU ARE MENTal have emtional problems and so on!

I AM HERE AT WORK FALLING APART EVN THOUGH I KNOW IT SHOULD HAPPEN. WHY!??!?!?!?!?!?

Rho

Love does suck! One minute I want him closer then ever the next he is driving me crazy. Telling me I am mental, sick emtional F-ed up in the head. I have been clean for 1yr & almost 6 months he was alomst the same until he picked up this feb for a short bit and restartd meetings again.

We have a little boy that will be 3 on the 27th of next month. and I have a daughter that HATES all that she has seen us go through since my accident 1/16/03.

cwohio

grief - of what was or could have been. i've been grieving hard for about 2 years and now all of a sudden he comes back from the dead - i'm numb and don't know where our relationship is going or not. any change whether we know we need it or not still hurts!

hugs to you rho!

LovingMom

Aww sweetie. I am so sorry that you are hurting so badly right now. Yes, divorce does hurt. It's a part of you that you had thought was steady..rock solid to begin with..you see it slowly eroding away. Many people see a divorce as a "failure"..DON'T DO THAT!...Look instead to your HP and let him/her/them start your healing from the inside out. Know in your heart that this grieving process will take time..but it will end eventually. Use this time to really get to know yourself. See who you are when you are not a part of "them" but just you. What do you like? What do you loathe? Make lists...Use your time well...And..keep coming back to SR.

Savana 54

Remember, you are dealing with an alcoholic. They will try to shift the blame onto you ANYWAY they can. He wants you to cry and feel bad. He's the one that is mental!

This is part of the grieving process. I have been without my xabf for over 2 months and I still cry and miss him so very much. I always think about what could've been. Still to this day he tries to make me feel guilty for ending the relationship. I've decided that I cannot have contact with him anymore. I get way to emotional if I do, and he just puts me down, which only makes me feel worse about myself.

Hang in there, your doing what you feel is the right thing. Just ignore him if you can, I know easier said then done. Have you thought about having no contact with him? You can always communicate through your Lawyers.

(((((((((Rho)))))))))

Rho

(((To you all))) I have called him a few times hear his voice and hang up. I do not know what I am afraid of losing because we have lived apazrt for about 1yr 5 months same amout of my clean time I did it ALLL on my own. He has taken me IN AND OUT of Family court civil court and well I have won on all matters I guess because I am not as much as a F up as he is. But the SICK thing is I stilll LOVE him with all my heart and I do not know how or why after all he has put me through

Cynay

*hugs*

Ahhhh Rho the million dollar question.

I have the same problem and lately have been very angry with myself. How could I have had so little respect for myself that I would choose to be with my ex-abf when he treated me so badly? The worst part is I still love him, how can you love someone that would cheat on me, lie to me and everything else that went with that relationship.

I have not got to the point that I can forgive myself for not taking better care of me... Im working on that one, but I guess that is why they say its a family disease and that Im just as sick... I must be sick in the head to even have considered trying to get back with him last March... A person could get a headach just thinking about all this.

It is getting better though, it has been a little over 2 months with no contact and Im still waiting for my 30 day chip. I think we should get coins toooo for dealing with our addiction.

Savana 54

I think the reason we continue to love them, is because we want to see the good and not the bad when they are drinking. I still love my xabf very much; he was and is a very loving, caring, and awesome individual when he isn't drinking. I think it's the disease we hate, and we love the person they truly are without the booze.

Rho

Oh Savanna you hit it right on the head! MY ENTIRE family gets on me about how the F can I care or worry for him after all he has done! And gets me upset is that I took my son (3) & daughter (13) to MD for 4 days and because my husband was being his stupid paraniod self he called the MD state police on me, they came to my father to check if it were true, it were not.

I retained a divorce lawyer Monday and now am wanting to not divorce him becasue I read a letter about how he wants a normal life but yet he did what he did!

I don't know Ijust want to crawl in a hole and die, but I can't I have my kids!

Girlfriend

He's imploding on you when he tells you that you are "mental". Which means, his anger, his dislike for himself, is coming out and being put onto you.

Don't buy into that crap. Who gives themselves the right to tell us that we're mental? I bought into that for so long with my abusive ex husband years ago. My first name wasn't Ruthie, it was "****","bitch"......(some even cuter ones). I didn't deserve that! Nobody does.

The thing is, after you've been with them for awhile, you start to believe it. It's brainwashing and control. You can choose NOT to buy into those lies.

He's got the problem, hon, and it's better for you and your kids to be without him and do something for you. Go to counseling, al-anon, take the kids out and have a fun family night. Let the drama go along with him. There IS a better life out there.

((hugs))

Savana 54

I went through this exact same thing; although we weren't married. When he came back home in May, he sent me an email stating that he thought we could have a very, succesful, loving and happy life together. THEN, not even a week later he is saying he doesn't think that will ever happen, as he wanted to take a job that involves traveling, which I wasn't very fond of. He was trying to rationalize the reasons for leaving, so he wouldn't feel so bad, and so he could drink in excess and not have to face me while doing it. He loved being able to lie over the phone while away; that way he could say he was staying sober and I would beleive it.

meli2005

This is not a sane person.


Also, divorce is like going through a death, a death of a relationship, death of dreams. We keep thinking is there something more I could do? Will a miracle happen?

I've heard a book called "Crazy Time" is good to read about divorce.

I know it's a really tough thing.

cwohio

so true and very well said!