SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I had thee best counseling session today with my therapist. Talking about my need to fill the void in my life.

I thought I had peeled all of the layers of hurt, pain and forgave back when I got sober in 1994. I did, but there was still more to be unsurfaced.

It wasn't until my parents died and I got sick with cancer (all started in 1997). I started losing alot of hope and feeling abandoned again. Not strong enough to handle anything on my own. So, my co-dependent stuff started coming out again.

She told me about a book called "Addictive Mind" (something like that. I'll find out for sure what it is). It's a small book that tells how we humans are creatures of habit. We normally do the same things every day in the same way. Same pattern. We clean our homes starting out in the same area, our morning routine is the same.....etc. Even if it's a good habit, like say exercise.....it can become "bad" if that's all we do and it takes precedence over our lives.

So, in this book, the male author talks about breaking up those addictions by re-programming our minds.How by doing something different INSTEAD of focusing so much on the addiction, can help us break the pattern. It sounds so simple, but it's hard to do.

My addiction now is helping people. The teens I work with voluntarily and have been for 6 years........they took total precedence over my life. Their needs came first above all else. It made me feel good knowing that I was helping so many, but not realizing that I wasn't doing for MYSELF. I've come to see that now and how I "helped" my xabf. I thought it was helping him. It wasn't. HE needed to do the work, I didn't need to for him.

The same with my ex husband. He called me yesterday (we've been divorced 20 years. He wasn't an A, he was abusive. But, we've forgiven each other and gone on with our lives a long time ago) and asked me what we should do for my son's college. My son is 26 years old. This is his 2nd Bachelor's degree he's going for. I've helped pay for his tuition in the past, but he didn't use that education (ie: real estate school. He's not a realtor), so I told B that L can apply for a FAFSA loan and when he's finished with school, has his degree and a good job, he can make arrangements to pay the loan back.

My ex H said "I was thinking of giving him some extra $$ if he gets A's and B's while in college to encourage him". I told him "He's 26 yrs old! He doesn't need to be rewarded with $ for good grades. His degree and a good job after graduating will be his reward". :rolleyes: He agreed and said "I know. I'm still bad at that. I have a hard time letting the kids go".

I told my counselor that my low-self esteem started young cuz I used to bribe kids with cookies to play with me. And, always befriended the bullied or underdog. When it was really ME that needed the love. My parents told me that I was a "mistake. A HAPPY mistake, but a mistake". I think I always felt that and my counselor told me that I don't have to do nice things for other people to get them to love me. That I'm a lovable person by just being who I am. And, that I am NOT a mistake. That the "parenting" part of me needs to let the "Child" part of me know that I am loved just for being me.

It helped me alot. It's a choice that I choose to let people use me, take me for granted and disrespect me. I CAN UN-CHOOSE that and yeah, do nice things for others, but know the limits. And, stick to them!!

I'm grateful that I can see that in myself at my age and know that it's okay and that I can choose to work on that. To truly love myself and not have to go looking for it through others.

It was a good session. I hope it helps somebody out there reading like it did me.