No Contact (Day 5) and he calls....LOL!!
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Dallas, Texas
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No Contact (Day 5) and he calls....LOL!!
I've been such the good girl since Thursday night...no contact of any sort. I know that the OW works on Tues/Thurs. I was taking a nap this afternoon and when I looked at my cell...sure enough he HAD called me. How predictible is he? I knew he was going to call eventually today. Didn't leave a VM so as far as I am concerned, no reason to call him back. Plus, right now we have nothing to say to one another while he's still living there.
He's used to me calling him back when I miss his calls if I am on the phone w/customers. But I didn't put him in my address book on my new cell phone...so it just showed up as the number.
We aren't using him in the business...I am sure he was looking for money. His account is overdrawn and such the idiot...he had lunch at Taco Bell yesterday for 8.00 and then they charged him 30.00 for service charges...and then he bought two packs of smokes, another 30.00 service charge. He thinks this is still the business account...but his partner changed all that. So even when he does get paid, he's only going to get enough to cover his service charges now.
He's used to me calling him back when I miss his calls if I am on the phone w/customers. But I didn't put him in my address book on my new cell phone...so it just showed up as the number.
We aren't using him in the business...I am sure he was looking for money. His account is overdrawn and such the idiot...he had lunch at Taco Bell yesterday for 8.00 and then they charged him 30.00 for service charges...and then he bought two packs of smokes, another 30.00 service charge. He thinks this is still the business account...but his partner changed all that. So even when he does get paid, he's only going to get enough to cover his service charges now.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
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Good for you, Lisa, for sticking to your guns!! No backing down anymore......that's what I keep telling myself over and over when and if I get that "I miss him" kinda feeling.
The minute I do, I come on here or pray out loud and/or both and then read some of these posts and it reminds me of why I have a PPO on him.
Hee hee!
Your xabf is gonna be mad when he finds out that there's no $ in the account. Another good move on your part and the partner's. Then, the OW is gonna have to dish out some dough. That's not too fun. I'm sure she'll get sick of that.
I used to pay for alot more than xabf did. He's so broke and financially wiped out, it's not funny. Plus, he may not have a job when he gets out of rehab.
Thank you for posting this. It helped remind me of what I got away from.
Stay strong, girl!!
The minute I do, I come on here or pray out loud and/or both and then read some of these posts and it reminds me of why I have a PPO on him.
Hee hee!
Your xabf is gonna be mad when he finds out that there's no $ in the account. Another good move on your part and the partner's. Then, the OW is gonna have to dish out some dough. That's not too fun. I'm sure she'll get sick of that.I used to pay for alot more than xabf did. He's so broke and financially wiped out, it's not funny. Plus, he may not have a job when he gets out of rehab.
Thank you for posting this. It helped remind me of what I got away from.
Stay strong, girl!!
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Yes. He knows full well what he is doing with the bank account. I CANNOT believe the bank has not shut him down...H E L L O!! Oh well...that's there problem, my name is not anywhere on the account. So it's not my problemo. I just think it's funny because he is sitting here supposedly has to come up with the electric deposit, now a week past due. Rent is due on the 1st. He has nothing and we're not coming up with it either because honestly, his partner can work out of my house. My computer isn't moving up there until he pays me the 3k he owes me...and that 3k is being generous.
OW had to pay for him last Thursday night and right now by my guestimates he is costing her a 100.00 a week in beer/cigarettes...never mind his food bill. She's a hairdresser who works 2x a week. This is fun watching this go down. He's not getting any money from the business. But as he said he wants to sink or swim on his own. Life raft from me has been pulled in darling...start swimming!!
I feel so empowered lately...because while he thinks the ball is in his court with him being there and having his OW, little does he know the longer he is gone, the stronger I am becoming. Day by day, I miss him less. I start thinking about all the stuff and just push him out of my mind. Thank goodness for everyone here and my Therapist. I've seen the light and it's shining on me. He's been playing a little game with me for 4 weeks now thinking he still had me but truth is, I don't need him as much as he needs me. Sure I love him...but I don't respect him at all right now.
The OW has nothing over me...there is no competition. She's a raging alcoholic, she looks about 10 yrs older than she really is...and now SHE is his sugar moma...go to town woman...she has him under lock and key...and I am serious. He doesn't even have a key to the house or a garage clicker...she has him there 24/7 at her beckon call. Sounds like fun eh? Like he said he wanted his peace of mind...hope it's worth the price.
Meanwhile we're in the process of getting my store open. We're pulling the carpet up Friday night. So hopefully I will be in there in the next two weeks and I'll all that to focus on. Looking forward to it!!
Take care GF...you've come along way too honey. Hope his family has finally left you alone. So sorry that you even had to go through that!!
OW had to pay for him last Thursday night and right now by my guestimates he is costing her a 100.00 a week in beer/cigarettes...never mind his food bill. She's a hairdresser who works 2x a week. This is fun watching this go down. He's not getting any money from the business. But as he said he wants to sink or swim on his own. Life raft from me has been pulled in darling...start swimming!!
I feel so empowered lately...because while he thinks the ball is in his court with him being there and having his OW, little does he know the longer he is gone, the stronger I am becoming. Day by day, I miss him less. I start thinking about all the stuff and just push him out of my mind. Thank goodness for everyone here and my Therapist. I've seen the light and it's shining on me. He's been playing a little game with me for 4 weeks now thinking he still had me but truth is, I don't need him as much as he needs me. Sure I love him...but I don't respect him at all right now.
The OW has nothing over me...there is no competition. She's a raging alcoholic, she looks about 10 yrs older than she really is...and now SHE is his sugar moma...go to town woman...she has him under lock and key...and I am serious. He doesn't even have a key to the house or a garage clicker...she has him there 24/7 at her beckon call. Sounds like fun eh? Like he said he wanted his peace of mind...hope it's worth the price.
Meanwhile we're in the process of getting my store open. We're pulling the carpet up Friday night. So hopefully I will be in there in the next two weeks and I'll all that to focus on. Looking forward to it!!
Take care GF...you've come along way too honey. Hope his family has finally left you alone. So sorry that you even had to go through that!!
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Now he's burning up the phone line...just sitting here watching the missed calls. He won't leave a message though. He's not calling his business partner which is who needs to be calling for work. Oh well...I am actually doing very good sitting here watching the missed calls go by.
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Join Date: Jun 2005
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Sorry to be Mrs. Negative here and I wasn't going to say anything but I thought about it and decided to anyway, I'm only saying this to help you, plus I know how you feel because I was the same way. Okay, so, go back and read over what you wrote today. Why do you care about him overdrawing his accounts, why do you care that the OW is paying for him, who cares if she looks ten years older than she is??? None of this is your business. And as much as you say you want to move on, and I believe you that you think you are moving on, I don't think you are. It seems to me like you are still obsessing over them. Yes, I will admit that I did get some pleasure out of hearing about my A's failures, but it did me no good as far as moving on keeping my nose in his business. The only way you are going to really free yourself from this is to stay completely out of his life. Not taking his phone calls is an excellent start but please try to not find out about what is going on with him and her. If someone else brings it up ask them to please not discuss him with you. I am telling you this from experience. Everytime I spoke with someone and they brought up my A I savored every morsel of information because it was my own sick way of hanging on, since I have stopped that I am so much more at peace.
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Actually honey I am not concerned about them. I am concerned because we had a business to run and he spent all the money that was supposed to go to bills. If we put any money into that account then it will be going to service charges that he has incurred. We have opened a business account but bills from the previous company will need to be paid through his old account for tax purposes. Unless our accountant can advise otherwise.
Regarding OW...not obsessing, trust me...It may seem like I am but it releases me knowing that she is who she is...you'd have to understand Him to get the jest of it. It's all been a game to him to try and hurt me and it worked for a bit...
Well he has been continuing to call me all early evening and sent a text message of 000. Not sure what that means.
Anyway, I went to go meet friends to play darts tonight. As I pulled onto the main street, there he was..crap...he pulled down the side road to take the short cut to the bar where we play. I decided that if I saw him pull in I would keep going. He beat me there and pulled in and I of course kept going...I drove around a bit trying to get my thoughts together in case he was following me...I then headed home.
I'm a bit concerned now...not giving in to the no contact, he has no reason to try and get a hold of me. If it's business related he should be calling his partner. If he wants his stuff back he would leave a message. Not good whatever is going on. Going to continued to lay low.
Regarding OW...not obsessing, trust me...It may seem like I am but it releases me knowing that she is who she is...you'd have to understand Him to get the jest of it. It's all been a game to him to try and hurt me and it worked for a bit...
Well he has been continuing to call me all early evening and sent a text message of 000. Not sure what that means.
Anyway, I went to go meet friends to play darts tonight. As I pulled onto the main street, there he was..crap...he pulled down the side road to take the short cut to the bar where we play. I decided that if I saw him pull in I would keep going. He beat me there and pulled in and I of course kept going...I drove around a bit trying to get my thoughts together in case he was following me...I then headed home.
I'm a bit concerned now...not giving in to the no contact, he has no reason to try and get a hold of me. If it's business related he should be calling his partner. If he wants his stuff back he would leave a message. Not good whatever is going on. Going to continued to lay low.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
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Hi Newmie,
I agree with you on that, but Lisa's xabf left her not all that long ago. If I'm correct, it's only been a month or so ago.
When you've been with somebody for so long and then they're out of your life, you go through a greiving period and the stages of greif are: shock, anger, denial and acceptance.(not particularly in that order and sometimes they repeat themselves.)
I can't speak for Lisa, but I can speak for me and I'm angry right now. It's been almost a month since my xabf went into rehab and then all the stuff with his family and then getting the PPO on him happened. So, it's still "fresh and raw". It's okay for me to feel anger and yeah, sometimes I say the same kind of things that Lisa says cuz I'm hurt by this all and yet am glad I'm out of it. It's getting easier by the day.
It sounds like Lisa's moving on and I know I am, too. But, if I feel something, I'm gonna come out and say it because his family and he had no right to do to me what they did. They blamed me for his drinking and being messed up and he's been that way for years. Way before I came into the picture, so I'm angry now, but it will pass. The more I talk about it, the quicker I'm gonna get it out of my system. It's a process and sooner or later, we'll get to the point to where we don't care at all what they do or who they're with.
Until then, I feel it's healthy to vent.
I understand you wanting to share that and see her in a much healthier place. I think she's getting there and I will, too. It's gonna take some time.
It's great advice, though! I can appreciate your experience. I'm totally new at this and am learning as I go from wise and good hearted people like yourself.
I agree with you on that, but Lisa's xabf left her not all that long ago. If I'm correct, it's only been a month or so ago.
When you've been with somebody for so long and then they're out of your life, you go through a greiving period and the stages of greif are: shock, anger, denial and acceptance.(not particularly in that order and sometimes they repeat themselves.)
I can't speak for Lisa, but I can speak for me and I'm angry right now. It's been almost a month since my xabf went into rehab and then all the stuff with his family and then getting the PPO on him happened. So, it's still "fresh and raw". It's okay for me to feel anger and yeah, sometimes I say the same kind of things that Lisa says cuz I'm hurt by this all and yet am glad I'm out of it. It's getting easier by the day.
It sounds like Lisa's moving on and I know I am, too. But, if I feel something, I'm gonna come out and say it because his family and he had no right to do to me what they did. They blamed me for his drinking and being messed up and he's been that way for years. Way before I came into the picture, so I'm angry now, but it will pass. The more I talk about it, the quicker I'm gonna get it out of my system. It's a process and sooner or later, we'll get to the point to where we don't care at all what they do or who they're with.
Until then, I feel it's healthy to vent.
I understand you wanting to share that and see her in a much healthier place. I think she's getting there and I will, too. It's gonna take some time.
It's great advice, though! I can appreciate your experience. I'm totally new at this and am learning as I go from wise and good hearted people like yourself.
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Hi SexySadie,
DO NOT be concerned. Let him go through what he has to go through WHICH IT APPEARS YOU ARE.
He's calling and calling to get your attention and it's a mind game. Go about your business. You are doing well.
Ngaire
DO NOT be concerned. Let him go through what he has to go through WHICH IT APPEARS YOU ARE.
He's calling and calling to get your attention and it's a mind game. Go about your business. You are doing well.
Ngaire
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 491
my ex txt msged me for the last time, i replied with dont contact me again and i can tell u that was the beginning of a new life changing experience.
i rem when i was datin her, no matter how much i tried to help her finances, she always ended up with this huge out of control credit card bill. i never knew why, but i figured it out once sanity came back she was wastin the money on drinking.
anyhow, she has a 25k student loan bill and to think i was thinking of paying it off for her and havin her pay me with zero percent interest in hopes she could get her finances under control and maybe we have a good healthy furture together..
but something always held me back from doing it, i did it for her other smaller bills, im just glad i wasnt too stupid to do that and i dont plan on joining insanity again im happy to say.
glad your on your quest to sanity, keep strong, it has its challenges as it was hard for me to stop my nights of dreaming of her, but now and for first time in long time, i actually have warm and happy dreams... of girls i flirt with all the time, its been nice, i am suprised at myself for havin happy dreams more and more frequently, as when i was datin her it was always neutral confusing dreams or nightmares
cheers and loves always to ya
i rem when i was datin her, no matter how much i tried to help her finances, she always ended up with this huge out of control credit card bill. i never knew why, but i figured it out once sanity came back she was wastin the money on drinking.
anyhow, she has a 25k student loan bill and to think i was thinking of paying it off for her and havin her pay me with zero percent interest in hopes she could get her finances under control and maybe we have a good healthy furture together..
but something always held me back from doing it, i did it for her other smaller bills, im just glad i wasnt too stupid to do that and i dont plan on joining insanity again im happy to say.
glad your on your quest to sanity, keep strong, it has its challenges as it was hard for me to stop my nights of dreaming of her, but now and for first time in long time, i actually have warm and happy dreams... of girls i flirt with all the time, its been nice, i am suprised at myself for havin happy dreams more and more frequently, as when i was datin her it was always neutral confusing dreams or nightmares
cheers and loves always to ya
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Dallas, Texas
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Thanks everyone...I know ya'll are looking out for my best interests...thank you GF for explaining me better than I can explain myself.
I've been doing the NC like everyone to get my head back together and lead with my head and not my heart. When I first lost him it was my intention on getting him back home. I've always made that clear on here. But the longer he is gone, the easier it is to get past this...plus because of the OW and who she is makes me reconsider this. At least now.
Last night my GF phoned me late. He had stayed there a bit and had bragged how he had been drinking margaritas all day. Lovely, he's a Cherokee and that was always our agreement, he would not drink hard liquor. So now he's trying to push this button with me knowing by going up there that it would get back to me. Well it did, am I angry, no...I just see him going down further than he already has been going. He's not the man I have loved the past 5 yrs. I think it was his way of punishing me for not taking his calls yesterday.
But sticking to the No Contact if it kills me. I don't want to feel the pain that he's trying to inflict on me. This is the only way I can do that.
I've been doing the NC like everyone to get my head back together and lead with my head and not my heart. When I first lost him it was my intention on getting him back home. I've always made that clear on here. But the longer he is gone, the easier it is to get past this...plus because of the OW and who she is makes me reconsider this. At least now.
Last night my GF phoned me late. He had stayed there a bit and had bragged how he had been drinking margaritas all day. Lovely, he's a Cherokee and that was always our agreement, he would not drink hard liquor. So now he's trying to push this button with me knowing by going up there that it would get back to me. Well it did, am I angry, no...I just see him going down further than he already has been going. He's not the man I have loved the past 5 yrs. I think it was his way of punishing me for not taking his calls yesterday.
But sticking to the No Contact if it kills me. I don't want to feel the pain that he's trying to inflict on me. This is the only way I can do that.
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He phoned again this am...but ended up calling his partner because the call this am was job related. She asked when the client had called and he said he just got off the phone with them. So that was not the reason he was trying to find me all day yesterday.
I've got to hold my head up on this. Thank goodness I am going to see my therapist tomorrow. I don't want to talk to him until I've spoken with her and gotten all my thoughts together about stuff. Plus, give him another day to have no contact with me.
Went grocery shopping this am...do you know that it's one of the toughest things for me...grocery shopping without him. Why is that? I seem to have done okay with most other things, but it's the grocery shopping that just makes me turn into the biggest wuss. For 5 yrs we shopped, meal planned together and he cooked while I worked. So tough...hold my head up...hold it up!!
I've got to hold my head up on this. Thank goodness I am going to see my therapist tomorrow. I don't want to talk to him until I've spoken with her and gotten all my thoughts together about stuff. Plus, give him another day to have no contact with me.
Went grocery shopping this am...do you know that it's one of the toughest things for me...grocery shopping without him. Why is that? I seem to have done okay with most other things, but it's the grocery shopping that just makes me turn into the biggest wuss. For 5 yrs we shopped, meal planned together and he cooked while I worked. So tough...hold my head up...hold it up!!
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SexySadie,
It takes time to get through these things.
Why don't you splurge on yourself grocery shopping and buy special things for you to eat that you and he did not share together. Just a thought.
Ngaire
It takes time to get through these things.
Why don't you splurge on yourself grocery shopping and buy special things for you to eat that you and he did not share together. Just a thought.
Ngaire
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Dallas, Texas
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Thank you for the suggestion...I'm actually trying different things because he was such the good cook and we all loved the same things...all the way down to our dislike for mushrooms!! But I've been averaging saving 30.00 a week without him here...
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
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That's a plus! You're saving $$.Isn't it crazy how we're having the up days and then the down days? One day, we're up and feeling good and strong and then the next day.......down.
My Mom used to say "if we didn't have a bad day, we wouldn't know what a good one is".
There is always positive things to find even in the darkest of places.
Hang in there!
((Big Hugs)))
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Trying GF...you too...we'll get through all this madness somehow. Looking forward to seeing my Therapist tomorrow. She always has a way of making me feel better.
Today has been a down day...between the grocery shopping and letting myself assume the guilt (WHY OH WHY?) about him now hitting the hard liquor. I am still letting him get to me no matter how hard I am trying. He knows me soooo well, he knows how to hurt me. Thankfully he won't call again today because OW is at home all day. So tomorrow we'll see what happens. I do so want to talk to him but I am just not ready yet...so tomorrow's discussion with Therapist will be how to properly handle this NC and if he is showing signs how do I handle it.
Today has been a down day...between the grocery shopping and letting myself assume the guilt (WHY OH WHY?) about him now hitting the hard liquor. I am still letting him get to me no matter how hard I am trying. He knows me soooo well, he knows how to hurt me. Thankfully he won't call again today because OW is at home all day. So tomorrow we'll see what happens. I do so want to talk to him but I am just not ready yet...so tomorrow's discussion with Therapist will be how to properly handle this NC and if he is showing signs how do I handle it.
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