summer02

I'm new to this forum and have just recently admitted to myself that both my parents are alcoholics. I have not confronted them on this issue yet, and am not sure how to handle it. Growing up, my parents always had a drink or two with dinner, but I never really saw them as alcoholics. I assumed that was just what grownups did. I went through a stage of drinking in college, but my husband and I are now complete nondrinkers and very opposed to drinking in general. Alcoholism runs strongly in both our families, and we do not want it to be part of our lives, or something that our children grow up with. My parents lives many miles away, so we see them about 4 times a year. The past few times we have visited, I could see my dad especially, drinking glass after glass of wine while getting dinner ready. I saw him get in the car and drive after several glasses of wine. I saw my mom drink, when she is on arthritis medicine that specifically states not to drink alcohol with. My parents are not obnoxious drunks, they hide it very well. No one would guess that they have an drinking problem. I myself do not know the extent of their problem. My sister and I both want to confront them about this issue, but I'm not sure how. Does anyone have any advice? I thought about writing a letter, but I'm afraid that won't do any good. We wanted to sit them both down and discuss our concerns with them, but I'm not sure if it is good to tell them ahead of time or not what we want to talk to them about. Does anyone have any advice? I could really use it.....We're visting at Thanksgiving so I have just a few weeks to decide what to do.....

marie

Welcome and thank you for posting. You sound like a thoughtful and loving daughter. Could you (and your sister) put your thoughts in a letter and, during a quiet, sober moment over the holidays, read it aloud to them? "Dear Mom and Dad, I'm writing to let you know that I love you and I'm worried about you..." State the way things used to be--functional, normal, happy, etc. compared to the way things are now. Let them know that you are seeking help for this issue through AlAnon (assuming you are) and that you will support them in their own recovery. Emphasize that you understand it's a disease and that they can get better. Maybe have some AA pamphlets with you. At my first Al Anon meeting, I got a handful of trifold info pamphlets about the disease, and a couple of them were very powerful. James Milam's UNDER THE INFLUENCE is excellent, too. Good luck and take care,
marie

RedAPBT

Welcome to the forum Summer!

I too grew up in an alcoholic family and what I had to learn was that I did not cause it, I cannot control it and I cannot cure it. I did not choose to confront my parents. I felt that would be unwise in my personal situation. I did however write many letters only to burn them and let the pain and fear go if only for a minute. I felt it was not my place to tell my parents that they were alcoholic or not. I did however, refuse to attend holiday parties if I thought they would be smashed; tell my father that I was concerned for his health; not allow any alcohol in my home (my other half is in recovery); and other things that made me comfortable.

I have no real advice to offer as this is your family and you know better than I do how well they would take a family discussion. I wish you all the best.

Love in the fellowship.
RedAPBT