equus

And it is about me! There's pm's I want to answer, updates I feel I should write but I'm not really up to it.

I've rung up for alcohol counselling for me in their friends and family service. Nothing that awful has happened - I just have an overwhelming fear he'll drink heavily today. He was back at the docs this am and was refused any further medication because his heart rate is too low and even as it is it's dangerous with the alcohol (because his heart rate is lower than it should be on the meds).

He's told me he's going to the pub but will stop after his 3 pint allowance. I have the choice to go with him and check or get help for me - I'm getting help for me.

I seem to be able to get myself up but I can't seem to stay that way for long. I need help.

cupowater

((((((((equus)))))) You made the right choice. Take care of YOU!

minnie

That is the best choice and you know it is. I am so sorry to hear that things have progressed so far and so fast. Is there a Friends and Family group run by APAS? I know that our local advisory service has a group which is non al-anon so it would suit you better.

Your fear is natural - based on current form it seems more likely that he will drink heavily than he won't. But there isn't anything you can do to stop it really. Well, you could, if you were prepared to spend the rest of your life babysitting him and I know you well enough to know that is just not an option.

Are you at work? Is he?

JT

I hope you find someone to talk to today. When how we feel is tied up with what they are doing it hurts. I know the feeling well.

(((Hugs)))
JT

GettingBy

(((Equus))),

This is the toughest part of the disease, letting them go when we really accept we have no control. Please focus all that wonderful loving energy on yourself today, you deserve it.

We're always here for you!
Shannon

equus

I've talked to APAS and on their advice booked into seeing my docs this pm about stress managment.

Thanks for all your concern - sorry not much is coming back in return.

(Special thanks for the pm minnie! - I'm not up to much except following orders at the mo, the first of which is the docs!).

I'm doing my best for me - my heart might not quite be on me yet but my actions are.
I can't get hold of D on his mobile or at home - I'm still going to the docs first though.

cwohio

((equus)) - i hope your appt. tonight helps with your stress. i feel for you beyond words as you have always been strong & upbeat. i know that this is a bump in the proverbial road that you will walk over and that you & D will continue walking down the road to recovery!

hugs - christie

susane1408

You have got yourself in a tizz haven't you my friend.
Sorry I haven't been around as much as usual to give you a buck up.
The Doc's is the best place for you my girl, catch up on them pm's when you've looked after yourself.
THAT'S an order ok!
And I'm bigger than you!!
((((((((((hug))))))))))))

splendra

For several years it was my will to get my H clean. My whole life centered around how was I going to get him well. What happened was I started going crazy because as hard as I was trying to get him cleaned up he was going in the opposite direction making sure that he got his dope.

I had to do alot of hurting before I realized that if I did all the work he would not do much of anything except outsmart me at every turn. I am smart but, addiction is smarter than I will ever be. I finally realized that until he was making alll the effort to get clean that all of my effort was in vain.It is like trying to stuff an elephant into a hat box....this stuff is messy and the more we try to take charge of their recovery the less they have to do.

Go get a swedish massage and take care of yourself....

Zoey

equus.. ((((( BIG HUG )))))

cloudy

Equus, someone told me the furthest distance I’ll ever see is the one between my head and my heart. Sending hugs your way and a good job to getting yourself some emotional support/help. Take your time on things and allow yourself to recharge it takes a lot of energy out of a person
love Cloudy

equus

Thankyou. I'm not trying to fix him at all right now - I'm trying to fix me. I'll follow doctors orders, I'll be honest and open and I WILL survive this.

I'm sick of running round circles in my head whether I'm detached and all the rest - right now I'm not trying to prove some point but I am saying enough is enough. I want friends for support and kind words the rest I'm leaving with compliance in the hands of APAS and the docs. I will ask for me, my health and I'll do whatever it takes.

I'm sure as hell not going to beat myself up for each phonecall - I'll ring when I need to, and I'll get away from it when I need to.

One thing I've realised through the last week is the difference it's made D being open to help. If that changes, or if this happens again without it - there'll be one hell of a shock in store. I'm not cut out for ultimate self sacrifice.

Cynay

*HUGS*

I cant add anything... Just want you to know that Im here for you