His disease is really showing through now!
too much on my plate!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: not kissing frogs anymore
Posts: 646
His disease is really showing through now!
OMG! He is so hateful towards me. I hardly slept and felt so hurt by the things he said. He called and I spoke to him once; then he left a few voice mails.
Where do I start? He sounded like a crazy person, going from one extreme to the next in his conversations, and this time he was drinking. I consider this verbal abuse and need to stop the contact once and for all!! I can't do this anymore.
He told me that our relationship for him was really nothing but a two year long, one night stand; that his Mom and Grandmother hated me. That he now has a new girlfriend, that his family adores. He went on and on about how he never needs to work a day in his life due to all the money he has inherited, (yeah right!) and how I really screwed up letting him go, as I would be set for life. He kept going on and on telling lies after lies, and when I confronted him on his lies and grandoise behavior; he said "well I guess that's what money does to you." LOL!! He said that his Mom set up an appointment for him, with a Psychologist, and that he took a few tests that proved he wasn't an Alcoholic.
One minute he is going back to work traveling, then the next he wants to plan on staying in the small town he was raised in, because it's "in his blood."
I just can't believe him and how crazy in the head he has gotten. His life is one big lie; and I need to have NO MORE contact with him.
Sorry just needed to get this all out, as I'm in shock, towards his behavior and cruel things he had said to me. Obvioulsy he resents me, and I can't figure out why? It's just not like him to be that cruel. Oh and at the end of the voice mail, he said "I didn't mean everything I said, I said it to hurt you," then his next VM he starts saying the same things again.
I guess that's what this disease does to people..
Where do I start? He sounded like a crazy person, going from one extreme to the next in his conversations, and this time he was drinking. I consider this verbal abuse and need to stop the contact once and for all!! I can't do this anymore.
He told me that our relationship for him was really nothing but a two year long, one night stand; that his Mom and Grandmother hated me. That he now has a new girlfriend, that his family adores. He went on and on about how he never needs to work a day in his life due to all the money he has inherited, (yeah right!) and how I really screwed up letting him go, as I would be set for life. He kept going on and on telling lies after lies, and when I confronted him on his lies and grandoise behavior; he said "well I guess that's what money does to you." LOL!! He said that his Mom set up an appointment for him, with a Psychologist, and that he took a few tests that proved he wasn't an Alcoholic.
One minute he is going back to work traveling, then the next he wants to plan on staying in the small town he was raised in, because it's "in his blood."I just can't believe him and how crazy in the head he has gotten. His life is one big lie; and I need to have NO MORE contact with him.
Sorry just needed to get this all out, as I'm in shock, towards his behavior and cruel things he had said to me. Obvioulsy he resents me, and I can't figure out why? It's just not like him to be that cruel. Oh and at the end of the voice mail, he said "I didn't mean everything I said, I said it to hurt you," then his next VM he starts saying the same things again.
I guess that's what this disease does to people..
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Hon, please don't let these things get to you. He IS crazy. Like you say, no contact is the only way, but if he does contact you delete the messages straight away. Don't torture yourself.
The why doesn't matter. Don't try and get into his head - it's not a safe place to be.
The why doesn't matter. Don't try and get into his head - it's not a safe place to be.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
I like that phrase and it has been a life saver to me....
Dont try to get into his head - it's not a safe place to be....
SO TRUE, they are crazy.... and he has to say all those hateful things so he can feel better about living inside himself. Maybe you could change your number? It has been 2 months since I have had contact with my ex and yes I still miss him, but I need to keep remembering the chaos and that nothing has changed. Stay strong and take it one day at a time.... Thankfully you dont "have" to deal with it anymore, its all your choices now.
Dont try to get into his head - it's not a safe place to be....
SO TRUE, they are crazy.... and he has to say all those hateful things so he can feel better about living inside himself. Maybe you could change your number? It has been 2 months since I have had contact with my ex and yes I still miss him, but I need to keep remembering the chaos and that nothing has changed. Stay strong and take it one day at a time.... Thankfully you dont "have" to deal with it anymore, its all your choices now.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Anaheim,CA
Posts: 549
Savanah, PLEASE block him out! Block his phone number! Block his email! Block his relatives and friends.
You don't need his #$%^! And girlfriend, you don't need the drama!
STEP AWAY FROM THE ALCOHOLIC! Who cares if he inherited a bazillion bucks????? Any person who will call you up just to yell at you is not someone you SHOULD want! He said: He admits he just wanted to hurt you! This isn't love, it isn't respect it's just HURTFUL!
Staying in touch with him, IMHO, is self-distructive behavior.
You don't need his #$%^! And girlfriend, you don't need the drama!
STEP AWAY FROM THE ALCOHOLIC! Who cares if he inherited a bazillion bucks????? Any person who will call you up just to yell at you is not someone you SHOULD want! He said:
I said it to hurt you
Staying in touch with him, IMHO, is self-distructive behavior.
too much on my plate!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: not kissing frogs anymore
Posts: 646
In a way I'm glad I had a chance to see for myself the insanity, lies, and pure craziness is only getting worse. I know I don't want that in my life, and he seems to have progressed, as I don't ever remember him acting this way.
It only validates my reasons for not wanting to be with him all the more; he is VERY sick!
I just don't understand though, why he blames me and resents me?
It only validates my reasons for not wanting to be with him all the more; he is VERY sick!
I just don't understand though, why he blames me and resents me?
too much on my plate!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: not kissing frogs anymore
Posts: 646
Originally Posted by Cynay
Cuz he cant blame himself or resent himself.
It really is not about you... your just the target at the moment... its about his not liking himself I would think
It really is not about you... your just the target at the moment... its about his not liking himself I would think
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: northern minnesota
Posts: 269
Dont beat yourself up. What is past is past. You cannot unchange anything you did. All you can change is the future.
Hes striking out at anyone in anger with his own weaknesses. Dont take anything he says seriously. Not a thing.
quietsins
Hes striking out at anyone in anger with his own weaknesses. Dont take anything he says seriously. Not a thing.
quietsins
too much on my plate!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: not kissing frogs anymore
Posts: 646
I sooo appreciate all the replies! 
BUT~~ I must say this...
he actually sounds very good. He's back partying with his HS friends. He always used to talk about them when we were together; almost to the point that I thought it was odd how he lived so much in the past. He has money; something that is very important to him, he weighs his importance or who he is in life by how much money he makes or has. 
I dunno; I just noticed he sounded very happy, and not as though he was putting on an act to prove otherwise. He is around all the people in his life that he cares so much about ie-Mom, HS friends.
He likes to sit in the bars and talk BS all night long. That is were I met him almost three years ago, and was in fact impressed by his stories, as I thought most of them were true, until I figured out he was just a huge BS'er, that had a knack for it!
Oh well, I think he is happy were he is at right now. He doesn't think he has a problem, and isn't suffering any consequences or hitting bottom anytime soon.
BUT~~ I must say this...
Originally Posted by Dakoda
Remember, the hurtful things he says to you is really just a reflection of how he feels about himself.
I dunno; I just noticed he sounded very happy, and not as though he was putting on an act to prove otherwise. He is around all the people in his life that he cares so much about ie-Mom, HS friends.
He likes to sit in the bars and talk BS all night long. That is were I met him almost three years ago, and was in fact impressed by his stories, as I thought most of them were true, until I figured out he was just a huge BS'er, that had a knack for it!
Oh well, I think he is happy were he is at right now. He doesn't think he has a problem, and isn't suffering any consequences or hitting bottom anytime soon.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Parker, CO
Posts: 495
Savana,
What you are listening to is PURE INSANITY. Is there anyway you can avoid picking up his calls, like getting caller ID or something like that. because you really don't need teh negativity in your life right now. You are a good person and deserve positive influences.
My main advice is please don't try to figure it out. We can't figure out alcoholism. Wish there were a magic cure, but not yet.
Take care of yourself!
What you are listening to is PURE INSANITY. Is there anyway you can avoid picking up his calls, like getting caller ID or something like that. because you really don't need teh negativity in your life right now. You are a good person and deserve positive influences.
My main advice is please don't try to figure it out. We can't figure out alcoholism. Wish there were a magic cure, but not yet.
Take care of yourself!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
Awww, Savannah. It's all a big act. He may sound happy, but if he was truly happy.....why is he calling you and saying mean things to you?
Happy people don't need to do that. In fact, they go on with their lives and don't need to boast about how good this is or that is.
My xabf was the biggest actor. Could turn on the "tears" and shut them off at anytime. Only thing was.....there was no tears coming out!
He stopped once I told him that the fake water works wasn't working for him. I didn't buy it at all.
He could be talking to me on the phone and be so sad and 'oh, baby,....just gimme one more chance, please? I LOVE YOU!" and then, if someone he knew walked by just then and talked to him, he'd talk back and TOTALLY change his voice tone and sound chipper as could be. Just like that! That used to amaze me.
He's not happy and time will tell that. Don't believe him and don't talk to him. I feel better already knowing that my xabf can't contact me or me him because of the PPO I had him served with yesterday.
Hang in!
((hugs))
Happy people don't need to do that. In fact, they go on with their lives and don't need to boast about how good this is or that is.
My xabf was the biggest actor. Could turn on the "tears" and shut them off at anytime. Only thing was.....there was no tears coming out!
He stopped once I told him that the fake water works wasn't working for him. I didn't buy it at all.
He could be talking to me on the phone and be so sad and 'oh, baby,....just gimme one more chance, please? I LOVE YOU!" and then, if someone he knew walked by just then and talked to him, he'd talk back and TOTALLY change his voice tone and sound chipper as could be. Just like that! That used to amaze me.
He's not happy and time will tell that. Don't believe him and don't talk to him. I feel better already knowing that my xabf can't contact me or me him because of the PPO I had him served with yesterday.
Hang in!
((hugs))
too much on my plate!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: not kissing frogs anymore
Posts: 646
Thanks GF, Meli and ngaire for you kind replies.
Well, I admit that I too, talked about how much I liked my new place and living back in a bigger city. I wasn't really boasting or bragging, just saying the way that I felt.
I think he is extremely jeolous that I moved away on my own, without him; as we had plans to move here together. I always teased him about him staying in the tiny town he was raised in, as there isn't much there to do but drink and gamble. Maybe he is saying these things because he is ashamed of were he is living.
Well, I admit that I too, talked about how much I liked my new place and living back in a bigger city. I wasn't really boasting or bragging, just saying the way that I felt.
I think he is extremely jeolous that I moved away on my own, without him; as we had plans to move here together. I always teased him about him staying in the tiny town he was raised in, as there isn't much there to do but drink and gamble. Maybe he is saying these things because he is ashamed of were he is living.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
I have an option in my new phone that allows me to block individual numbers. If you can't do that, I would strongly advise you get a new number. I ended up getting a whole new contract and run two phones now (one contract and one pay-as-you-go.) That way, I could switch off the one that my ex had the number for and not be totally incommunicado. (I still needed the old one as my ex and I run a business together). Over time, I just put all my contacts into my new phone and sent them a message saying I'd changed my number. I know it's a hassle, but much easier for your serenity!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
Yep, change your number. On your cell phone, it should be free the first time. If you have a landline that you use for your PC, have that one changed, too.
The sooner the better and they can do it for you right then. I had to change mine and had alot of contacts to contact and change the # with, but it was worth it.
You'll sleep better!!
The sooner the better and they can do it for you right then. I had to change mine and had alot of contacts to contact and change the # with, but it was worth it.
You'll sleep better!!
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Parker, CO
Posts: 495
He probably is jealous of you and angry at you for moving on w/your life. He wants to keep you in his little prison and make you miserable w/his alcohol abuse. Now he has to be alone in his misery.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 491
You can have all the money in the world, but what good is it if you dont have your sanity or your mind.
He's obviously still trying to "get" you if he speaks to you so much after finding a new GF and hasnt moved on or etc... he's still living bitter, from the sounds of it insanity life, losing of the mind. No money in the world can heal this unfortunately, and once you lose your mind too far, no money in the world can bring it back. Take all the money the world has to drop in your lap, just dont touch my state of mind.
Another thing about inheritance arrogance that really bothers me, I see it a lot with these kids who are 28 year olds around me with a nice car and nice rent but all from parents money which is ok with me but if your arrogant about it, it really bothers me because I really want to remind them they have not entered the real world, they dont know how the real world works, they arent fighters in the field, their still little babies who dont know how to earn any of that money to proudly say theyve accomplished what they've earned. Its ok with me to get money for free, just dont act like you knew how to earn that **** cause thats something that will be in you that only experience can put in you. They maybe richer then me, but theyll never have the confidence I bring around with me when I walk into the same room with them.
In conclusion, and to be a little more direct, you have to decide yourself what you want in your life and why you want it and go for it. This is the challenge for you to face , the challenge does not completly lie in him to recover or to be sane though that is one challenge that he will face. If you make the decision to still keep in touch, and pick up his phone calls, and think the world is so small that he is the only one that can make you happy, then you should also accept these crazy feelings and sleeplessnights and not complain about it. Its what you've accepted.
But if you decide to go, which I know is very very very hard, I've been there, then you will find yourself starting a new life and then and only when contact has stopped, you will start to recover into a state of sanity and sooner or later youll gain this amazing great self awareness state you've never knew existed. Then if you continue to grow (as i am still doing big time) you'll start to see what insanity is, and how insanity cannot see itself, but youll always be able to stay away from it when you see it next time, from relationships to jobs to everything.
All in all, I think you'll be alright and I know you'll find your right way, destiny is watching you and is close by I feel this. Your ex will be alright too, we all are here on a path for some purpose we have to find.
Loves always
He's obviously still trying to "get" you if he speaks to you so much after finding a new GF and hasnt moved on or etc... he's still living bitter, from the sounds of it insanity life, losing of the mind. No money in the world can heal this unfortunately, and once you lose your mind too far, no money in the world can bring it back. Take all the money the world has to drop in your lap, just dont touch my state of mind.
Another thing about inheritance arrogance that really bothers me, I see it a lot with these kids who are 28 year olds around me with a nice car and nice rent but all from parents money which is ok with me but if your arrogant about it, it really bothers me because I really want to remind them they have not entered the real world, they dont know how the real world works, they arent fighters in the field, their still little babies who dont know how to earn any of that money to proudly say theyve accomplished what they've earned. Its ok with me to get money for free, just dont act like you knew how to earn that **** cause thats something that will be in you that only experience can put in you. They maybe richer then me, but theyll never have the confidence I bring around with me when I walk into the same room with them.
In conclusion, and to be a little more direct, you have to decide yourself what you want in your life and why you want it and go for it. This is the challenge for you to face , the challenge does not completly lie in him to recover or to be sane though that is one challenge that he will face. If you make the decision to still keep in touch, and pick up his phone calls, and think the world is so small that he is the only one that can make you happy, then you should also accept these crazy feelings and sleeplessnights and not complain about it. Its what you've accepted.
But if you decide to go, which I know is very very very hard, I've been there, then you will find yourself starting a new life and then and only when contact has stopped, you will start to recover into a state of sanity and sooner or later youll gain this amazing great self awareness state you've never knew existed. Then if you continue to grow (as i am still doing big time) you'll start to see what insanity is, and how insanity cannot see itself, but youll always be able to stay away from it when you see it next time, from relationships to jobs to everything.
All in all, I think you'll be alright and I know you'll find your right way, destiny is watching you and is close by I feel this. Your ex will be alright too, we all are here on a path for some purpose we have to find.
Loves always
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