SexySadie

I've been through a great deal the past few weeks and just now...I felt a small moment of bliss at the EXs expense...sorry...

He phoned me to have me call a client to find out the status of payment. He said he needed the money to pay for his electric deposit. I said okay. It was great news to me because we had no idea who still owed money in the company. He also said that he wouldn't be at the tournament tonight. I said okay.

So I called client, let them know about the new address etc...phoned him back and told him that I had reminded them. I then very sweetly said "Hey I forgot your window is broken, I bet XXXX would come pick you up tonight." He said, Nope...no fundage.

Ya'll don't know...he never ever misses these tournaments because he usually wins around 50.00 for the night. This is a huge and I mean HUGE thing for him...I was a good girl, didn't offer to cover his expenses, just said Okay, talk to you later...I DIDN'T CAVE IN!! I DIDN'T CAVE IN!!!

Woo Hoo!! I did it...I detached with love for the first time...

cwohio

SS - good for u! just a small step like this means so much - i'll bet it will be easier next time!

hugs - christie

SexySadie

You aren't kidding...I could just hear the sadness in his voice. I thought to myself oh well..this is what you wanted remember. Sink or swim to quote you. But I just talked with a smile on my face the whole time. This is a new technique for me...if I am smiling when I talk I can't become angry or bitchy (can I say that on here?). Whatever comes out of your mouth when you really are smiling always sounds pleasant.

cwohio

yeah it's funny how WE are always the ones that feel guilty thinking AGAIN that WE caused their unhappiness or sadness! i'll have to try that smile thing - lol

walkingtheline

WOW!

How powerful! A small step that means so much!

^5-ing you from way too hot California!

SexySadie

Yes...it really does...just knowing how important it is for him to be there to not only win but it's always been our date night with our friends...so he's missing being w/all of them too. Oh well...he wanted to sink or swim...I've deflated my life jacket. I'm waiting to see how I feel about this later...so far no guilt...no second thoughts. Phew...off to go play darts...(I still have a sinking feeling, he'll show up anyway!).

cwohio

good luck at darts SS

SexySadie

Deep down I had a feeling he's show up...and they did. Now she's telling everyone that she's his GF. So here I sit staring at all his belongings going WTH? I suppose I will get the call today to come get his stuff. I just don't get it at all. His dart board fell down at her house and instead of coming and getting his tools, he called a friend over to have him bring over his tools to put it back up. I wish I could stop trying to read into things for hope and I wish I didn't feel like I was getting such mixed signals. I mean why bother telling me last night he wasn't going. He never tells me what he's doing. I don't know...my head is throbbing this morning...to many cigarettes...must cut down immediately.

I did meet someone last night...but as I told him, I'm just not ready to date right now. Sad, because he seems like a great guy. He's a single dad w/a small child who lives with him full time, has a career that he loves and just seemed downright nice. I'm just not ready to move on. But it was nice to have someone tell me how beautiful he thought I was. Won't lie about that. We did exchange numbers and I promised him when/if I was up to it, I would call. But I'm not ready and then when I thought about it.

cwohio

SS - the games people play - wasn't that a song? sorry they showed up but maybe in a way it helped you realize that he is still an emotionally messed up person.

it's nice that you got a positive "stroke" from someone - i think we all need an ego booster now and then, especially when we've been in a relationship lacking any genuine compliments given to us.

you are wise to take it slow - hang in there girlfriend - you are doing good!

hugs - christie

somebodysfool

I wanted to write something profound, but all I can think of right now is that just sucks.

Trust your instincts and keep your focus on doing what you have to do.

J

SexySadie

My instincts...argh...my instincts are he loves me and is still hurting. I saw him looking at me from time to time last night and he talked with me too. At least he's not being hateful anymore.

When our friend went over there yesterday he said, he just looked so sad sitting there on the couch watching tv. That's all he does and drink beer. He doesn't have a key to the house or a garage clicker. His driver's window is broken. He can't go anywhere if she's not there or the roommate. He finally was able to bring her lunch yesterday when the other roommate came home. My God, we had such a life here...how can he just trade it for this? Everytime I see him, it's like he's putting on this big huge show trying to be the center of attraction now...he used to be fun, but now he just looks so I don't know.

I guess I need to go back to NC for a bit to pull myself back together. Do I not take his calls, even if they are work related?

We're having a huge huge barbecue/pool party on Saturday here...it will be wierd for him to not be here when everyone else will be. I almost got weak and invited him but I don't want her in my house. So opted for not extending the invite.

cwohio

SS - stay strong - and he definitely is putting on a show - of course he wants you to think that everything is just great in his life - he is fooling no one but himself!

CatsTail

You are getting mixed signals from him Sadie. Don't forget he wants to keep you hooked in too.

Ngaire