A really strange relief...
 

I haven't said much on here for a while mostly because after the last big terrible period with the abf, here I am still with him. A little ashamed of myself I suppose....

Something strange happened though that I don't know if I get yet. After the big ordeal and after I just about kicked him out he was all apologies and saying he wanted to go to rehab for help ect, ect. Most of you pretty much knew it was bull, I pretty much knew it was bull and sure enough it was bull. But.. the weird part is after about a week of seeing nothing coming out of him in the way of helping himself I confronted him on it and actually got an honest answer. Basically, he said "It's you that wants me to quit and I said what you wanted me to hear." I wasn't surprised, wasn't disapointed even in fact I was relieved. I don't really know why I was but I was. The only thing I can think of is that he finally told the truth. I know where I'm at, (sort of) and I guess I know where he's at. I don't really get how his saying he probably isn't going to quit took some sort of weight off but it did.

I guess it all means that I can shut that little part of my brain that keeps bringing in the false hope in off. Out of his own mouth that's all it is. False.

This probably makes absolutely no sense. :) Sorry for confusing you all. lol

An interesting P.S. actually, I had a dream the other night that abf and I lived separately and things were way better. Points for the sub-concious?

10/10 for the subconscious. We should take heed of what our mind/HP says to us in our dreams, I think.

Makes total sense, A. To his credit, he has at last come clean to you. I really think we should listen very hard when this happens, because it tells us all we need to know. The choices in your life have always been in your hands, but now you really know it.

It's all about the words matching the actions. And whilst they aren't the words and actions that you really wanted, there is peace to be gained when they are speaking the same language.

I think this is a big step for both of you.

aquianna.....Never feel ashamed of feelings, or of doing wrong, as there just isn't any right or wrong when involved with alcoholism.
So glad you reported in. Keep coming back.