reikihelps

Ok, so I know I want to keep the focus on me. What I need to know is how to share anger and disappointment appropriately. I think I did ok but am not sure.
My "A" used after two lovely weeks of sobriety and came to me (his mom) to apologize. In a weird way, he can't stand my disapproval. I managed to communicate that: yes, I am angry; and fearful. I proceeded to explain that he is risking serious impairment by using (he's dual dx), shared a bit more, he started to get upset because I was angry and told me I wasn't being supportive. I hgugged him, said he's got a problem to solve and I can't solve it and promptly got outta Dodge so I wouldn't bite any hooks (I also had a lot of errands for me I needed to attend to).
Any comments? I just spent some time focusing on my HP and am trying to let this go...plan on a meeting tonight, too.
I think I did ok. Didn't blow a gasket and didn't get hysterical (though either of those instantly reduce stress!!!!)
best,
Reikihelps

reikihelps

p.s.
As usual I do things bass ackwards. Starr has a similar post( a bit different I suppose) and I read it after posting. Sorry Starr.

FriendofBill

Sounds like anger is representing your fear.

Why should you be angry at a person who is suffering from a disease, and the disease is in relapse mode? (Or was, for a moment).He didnt do anything to do, his disease acted out against him, not you. If, while he was using, he broke your rules, pushed boundaries, then by all means, enforce the consequence.

He owes you no apology. Maybe you can let him know that, ro relieve him of his shame.

take a long, thoughful look at the word "anger" at his relapse. I think you will see you jumped right into anger as a way to bypass your fear he will use again.

Relapse is a part of recovery, be grateful he took the responsiblity to tell you. If it shoud happen again, he prob wont tell you again, based on his feeling shamed. Remember, its not about us, its about them, getting well, one day at a time.

reikihelps

yep.You bet. Mostly I get depressed. Expressing what I feel is good...I just need to keep it in perspective, keep it about me and keep going to lotsa meetings. I'm new at this.

Guess I didn't make this clear....I'm angry because he stopped working his program and has rejected the community trying to support his efforts...I'm not angry that he is suffering from a disease or that he is in relapse.

Good idea, Friend o Bill. Never thought of that....

This one I won't own. Didn't do that. As a matter of fact, I expressed my love for him and my confidence that he can handle his own stuff.
Kind of feel criticized w/ this one, FriendofBill.

In my humble opinion, it's about each of us getting better one day at a time....
so much work to do.
thanks for the response,
Reikihelps