Ann...#27
 

Ann and all!!

On the codependent checklist #27 was brought up and the subject is communication. If Ann had not pointed it out I would have anyway...it has been on my mind the last couple of days and that usually means I need to look at something.

Are you guilty of beating around the bush? Manipulating? A sigh instead of a response? Pouting? Obvious body language? The silent treatment?

The addictive relationship warps our communication skills. We learn to not communicate directly. If we grew up with addiction we probably have been doing this since we were small. A parent feels guilty so tears get us what we want...then many years later we use them on our husband.

If we grew up with abuse the only communication we had available was indirect.

If we have close relationships with dysfunctional people we may have learned to avoid conflict by manipulating.

Being direct does not mean going for the jugular...it means knowing what you want and expressing that calmly...or passionately if need be.

Any thoughts on communication?

I'm not the passive aggresive type, usually all my cards are on the table.

But when I am too tired to argue, discuss or expect that a comment will go that way, I tend to sigh. When I am getting crap answers, I will sigh.

Example:

Me - "How was your day?"

Him - "Why?"

Me - "No reason, just wondered how your day was"

Him - "Same as any other day"

Me - Sighhh:rolleyes:

It indicates how tired I am with conversations like that. I guess it is a poor way to communucate, but the alternative would be something nobody would want to hear.

JT... : )

I am very to the point. Even the outpatient group at the A's rehab pegged me as that kind of person..You always kow where you stand with me...sometimes I must admit that is NOT a good thing.

But when I am sick of hearing whatever....I don't even hear you speaking...I can tune you out 100% or I get cranky and don't want to even hear your voice.

The A's next session is on communication...of course he wants me there.

Stay warm!
Love Kitty

okay, come on -

do you have a hiddden camera in my house watching me???

I don't communicate well in situations that I am not comfortable with, I usually go with the flow even if the flow is headed right for a wall, head first. but I am working on that!!!!!

hi girls,
i have very good verbalskills, i have the buloney that can really work for me if i'm honest with myself. too bad i've spent the majority using my verbal and managerial skills to protect my dysfunction. i can verbally do an accurate assessment of everyone's inventory. i can be honest, caring, loving or frantic, vicious and vvengeful. lately, i catch myself yawning(prozac) and heavy sighs(matryed, tired, victim). i've changed my communications skills to suit my needs.awareness has made the sarcasm and storming from room to roomm as i pretend to be coping into this new suble form of passive, sighing,mom and loving wife. i suspect my sublimal messages are still communicating my underlying sickness. i believe as i look in the mirror, that i still can't surrender my years of manipulative communicating. hence, i need the 12 steps to relearn knew skills. i'm still the really intense , injured person in a lot of pain. i think that as i look at communication and my life it was a good form of manipulation. so now a think the old spotlight is back focused on me and why and how. old skills that served me so well, now fail me and create a feeling of dissatisfaction. i have 6 children. 2 girls with amazing verbal skills and 4 boys who favor both of my husbands with a bare survival level of verbal skills. i look back and my ability to verbalize(quite intelligently my thoughts and needs have probably impacted my sons as well as my husbands in a bad way. the boys and men in my family structure didn't get equal skills and probably shut down and didn't even bother to take their chances communicating with me. i was way to intimidating.i hope i can let go of my new attempts at manipulating through silence and sighs. i don't know where i was going with this except to say that something i was always confident has probaly backfired in retrospect. mmy husband communicates with anger only. couselor told me that it's amazing that he still wants to talk to me at all, because he can't talk or organize his thoughts enough to verbalize how he feels,(unless he's drunk, and then he is mr. eloquent) maybe i need to have some compassion for my family members having to deal with me over the years. that's a new idea, probably a nudge from my higher power. all those tired sighs mean that i'm close to surrender, not quite there yet, but maybe ready to let go. i hope this makes since. boy did i need to talk to you guys this morning. thanks for listening hugs from sugar.
p.s. where's spindell?? are you out there?