I'm an emotional wreck
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
I'm an emotional wreck
Today while grocery shopping, I could hear a baby crying it's little heart out. It went on for at least 10 minutes and I finally caught up with them. Mom had the infant in a seat and a toddler in the basket and was tossing groceries into the basket, covering the toddler with food. The infant was screaming and mom just continued as if she didn't hear a thing. No reaction at all. She acted as if nothing unusual was going on and people were going by the end of the aisle looking to see what was wrong.
Another couple of minutes of listening to the baby cry turned me into a basket case. I started trembling and it took everything to not cry. By the time she got to the check out, the toddler was screaming that he hurt and I heard her say, I know the food is heavy.
My head started throbbing and I was about to go over and try and help when one of the cashiers came over and tried talking to the infant but nothing helped. Mom was holding the toddler and talking with him and still ignoring the infant.
When my time came to check out, the cashier asked how I was and I told her fine until I heard the baby screaming and then the motherly instincts kicked in.
On my way out the door, I decided I was going to approach her and see if there was anything I could do to help...load her car, hold the baby so he didn't have to go into a hot vehicle. But they were gone.
Going home, the memories came flooding back of my son when he was an infant and used to cry like that for hours on end. Eventhough I held and craddled him, nothing seemed to soothe him. He never slept for longer than 3-4 hours at night and the same during the day, when most infants were sleeping 12-15 hours a day. We did eventually discover that he was plagued with ear and throat infections.
He even had to be hospitalized for projectile vomitting. After running tests they discovered the opening to his esophagus was too narrow for more than 1 oz of milk to go down at each feeding. Later we discovered he was alergic to milk.
But the baby crying triggered memories of how I had to call around the bars looking for my husband because the doctor wanted to hospitalize our son. The pain was as raw as the day it happened over 25 years ago. Then my mind went on another path and remembered the day our son had to have his tonsils and adnoids removed, and he came to the hospital after the bar totally **** faced, and pissed because I was going to spend the night with our son in the hospital.
What an emotional roller coaster. Things that I'd forgotten about...not the surgeries, but the stuff associated with the alcoholism was really painful. My head is still throbbing and I can feel a migraine coming on.
I prayed all the way home for the woman and the children with the hope that she was able to keep her cool and get the kids and herself home safely. I guess seeing the show on Oprah about women who have thoughts of killing their kids didn't help me either. And I also thought about the possibility that she is the spouse of an alcoholic.
To any newbies reading this, please get help for yourself and your children. Please get to alanon meetings. Please seek counselling. You don't want to have to relive the hell you're going through again in 25 years. It's not any easier to handle. The pain is the same.
Sorry for the ramble...
Another couple of minutes of listening to the baby cry turned me into a basket case. I started trembling and it took everything to not cry. By the time she got to the check out, the toddler was screaming that he hurt and I heard her say, I know the food is heavy.
My head started throbbing and I was about to go over and try and help when one of the cashiers came over and tried talking to the infant but nothing helped. Mom was holding the toddler and talking with him and still ignoring the infant.
When my time came to check out, the cashier asked how I was and I told her fine until I heard the baby screaming and then the motherly instincts kicked in.
On my way out the door, I decided I was going to approach her and see if there was anything I could do to help...load her car, hold the baby so he didn't have to go into a hot vehicle. But they were gone.
Going home, the memories came flooding back of my son when he was an infant and used to cry like that for hours on end. Eventhough I held and craddled him, nothing seemed to soothe him. He never slept for longer than 3-4 hours at night and the same during the day, when most infants were sleeping 12-15 hours a day. We did eventually discover that he was plagued with ear and throat infections.
He even had to be hospitalized for projectile vomitting. After running tests they discovered the opening to his esophagus was too narrow for more than 1 oz of milk to go down at each feeding. Later we discovered he was alergic to milk.
But the baby crying triggered memories of how I had to call around the bars looking for my husband because the doctor wanted to hospitalize our son. The pain was as raw as the day it happened over 25 years ago. Then my mind went on another path and remembered the day our son had to have his tonsils and adnoids removed, and he came to the hospital after the bar totally **** faced, and pissed because I was going to spend the night with our son in the hospital.
What an emotional roller coaster. Things that I'd forgotten about...not the surgeries, but the stuff associated with the alcoholism was really painful. My head is still throbbing and I can feel a migraine coming on.
I prayed all the way home for the woman and the children with the hope that she was able to keep her cool and get the kids and herself home safely. I guess seeing the show on Oprah about women who have thoughts of killing their kids didn't help me either. And I also thought about the possibility that she is the spouse of an alcoholic.
To any newbies reading this, please get help for yourself and your children. Please get to alanon meetings. Please seek counselling. You don't want to have to relive the hell you're going through again in 25 years. It's not any easier to handle. The pain is the same.
Sorry for the ramble...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
All I can say is that I hope tomorrow you see something beautiful that reminds you of all the joy there is too.
Because baies like animals can't tell us what's wrong, or be easily soothed by words of comfort they strike at the most powerful of our protective instincts. I think where we can use that, it works, but where there's nothing we can do we just get left with the unspent 'urge'. I honestly think it's natural - especially from someone that does care, but I think it's natural to let it pass too. If you know what I mean?
Because baies like animals can't tell us what's wrong, or be easily soothed by words of comfort they strike at the most powerful of our protective instincts. I think where we can use that, it works, but where there's nothing we can do we just get left with the unspent 'urge'. I honestly think it's natural - especially from someone that does care, but I think it's natural to let it pass too. If you know what I mean?
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 1,637
Thanks for sharing that very emotional experience with me. I could actually feel the anxiety of the situation, both your's and most likely the mother's. Reading that is a gentle reminderof what life would be like if I chose to have children with my AH. As much as I love him and really want to start having children, I am fully aware that I would most likely be raising them as a "single" parent and that is not what I want for myself or my children.
One of the saddest facts of dealing with alcoholism.
One of the saddest facts of dealing with alcoholism.
Last edited by GettingBy; 07-12-2005 at 10:44 AM. Reason: Spelling... oops!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Kathy,
I have often wondered what the mother of crying children may be going through...when I see babies crying or toddlers whinning and the mother seems
oblivious to it all...makes you wonder what is going on in the whole scenario...however, it never dawned on me that maybe she is the SO of an A....thanks for sharing next time I see this happening I will be a little more patient now that I have a different prospective on the whole thing....
Love, Patty
I have often wondered what the mother of crying children may be going through...when I see babies crying or toddlers whinning and the mother seems
oblivious to it all...makes you wonder what is going on in the whole scenario...however, it never dawned on me that maybe she is the SO of an A....thanks for sharing next time I see this happening I will be a little more patient now that I have a different prospective on the whole thing....
Love, Patty
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
((((Kathy))))
I could feel your anxiety in your post. How horrible for you to have to relive those memories.
Those memories you speak of are like the plague. You can forgive, but you never forget.
Like Equus said, I hope tomorrow you will see something beautiful to remind you of some good memories.
I could feel your anxiety in your post. How horrible for you to have to relive those memories.
Those memories you speak of are like the plague. You can forgive, but you never forget.
Like Equus said, I hope tomorrow you will see something beautiful to remind you of some good memories.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Parker, CO
Posts: 495
Soudnds like you had a rough time w/your son. And then on top of it dealing with an AH!!
This year has been a hard one for me. I have a fourteen month old little boy and it has been hard dealing with my AH who has now been sober for 19 days.
You are probably have some post-traumatic stress disorder.
That was kind of you to offer to help. I'm sure it can be overwhelming to deal with a toddler and new baby.
This year has been a hard one for me. I have a fourteen month old little boy and it has been hard dealing with my AH who has now been sober for 19 days.
You are probably have some post-traumatic stress disorder.
That was kind of you to offer to help. I'm sure it can be overwhelming to deal with a toddler and new baby.
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