Jewelz

Lisa, I agree with Minx, the kind words she said to you. As I mentioned above I was in a similar situation with my ex who was the alcoholic in my life. I spoke to his "new" girlfriend, shared what I wanted and she did also. Did I wonder at the time if she unjust motives ... yeah

BUT I felt good that I said what I wanted and she said what she wanted. The only difference in my situation than yours is that my ex and I share a child. I also believe because of our conversations in the beginning of the mess we get along now.

Lisa you need to do what's right for you, go by your gut instinct, if you felt better after you spoke with her, if you felt you held yourself up high and didn't act like a vengeful, scornful woman than that's great and what matters. I know I felt good and respected myself afterwards.
You have your own program that you need to work on focus on you for now. Live your life one day at a time and take it as it comes. Hugs and prayers to you!

And remember one thing from these forums take what you need and leave the rest!

Hugs,
Jewel

Live

Long time ago, I spoke with the other woman (an ex, not my fiancee).
First thing she said to me was "I don't share". I said I don't either.

she tried to befriend me. In the end her sincerity was just to glean info and get an angle, but that's okay. I got to see, and get it through my head, what he was and what he was doing.

It helped ME!

live

Soul Catcher

I have been in this situation myself. My dh (fiance') at the time had another woman pg. I had broke off our marriage and she went in like a snake! She KNEW he was going to get married. She KNEW I was six months pg. Sad thing is I invited her to our house and I spoke with her at which time she told me she was ALSO pg with his child. Surprise!!! At that time I thought she was a sweet person and that if it was a different situation her and I could be friends. Well let me tell you ALL OF THAT changed. She tried and tried to start crap to split us apart, her child was born and we pay $1200 a month and she will not let him see his child. She's now five and does not know her father. She has turned into a money hungry b*** who apparently doesn't care too much for her child to let her know her father. So just an FYI to you....She's a wolf in sheeps clothing. If that woman cared two cents about him she would give him his space and not try to get the goods that you gave her on him. Now she can twist everything you said and let me tell you she probably will. She doesn't care about you. In a situation where three people are involved, usually one of them will be the bad guy. It's called triangulation. Ask your counselor about it. Next time....be quiet!!! Nothing is anyones business but yours and his. Good luck

dax

SS You do have great business sense in that you got all the business matters in your name. That may be one way to get low life other woman to let go. A man with no money-not too attractive. You are a calm serene type- God bless you. I am a ' try and take my man and lady your life is in for a down hill spiral.' I believe in exposing unacceptable behavior. It gives the program a bad name. My h would have kept up the AA friend ship with his one time AA lover had I not confronted her and exposed the whole affair. I believe that 'God helps those who help themselves.' I think you are a let go and let God. I do not believe this but if it works fore you p-praise the Lord. dax

CatsTail

In your introductory post you said "this just wasn't him" to be having this fling.

Well you know what, it is him, he is sick and if it's not this one it will be another one.

You are actually standing there discussing this with the other woman and she's telling you to keep paying him and keep working with him while he is crapping on your head????????????? Hello????????????

Do you not think you are being manipulated here?

How come you can only work on yourself knowing he is upset too? Who cares about him. What about you?

And by talking to her you've broken the ice for everybody? Who cares about everybody else? What about you?


Ngaire

bengalsfan1

Your title jumped out at me. I've just joined this website and I'm a little scared. My husbad of 15 years is an alcoholic and last Tuesday, I got an anonymous call telling me that he had another woman 9 months pregnant. At first he denied it, until I said I would hire a private detective. He had been hanging out at a bar after work for quite a while now, but always came home, except for a few really bad nights. I don't really know your story but I hope you can find some peace and deal with your situation. I'm devastated and do not know what to do. We have 2 kids and this is killing me to watch them go through this turmoil.

CatsTail

Dakoda,

You are absolutely right. I'm wondering where the Mr. A is myself.

He's unfortunately getting a thrill out of it because he's the center of attention and also he's got 2 women working out his life for him so he doesn't need to take any responsibility.

I say time to move on.

Ngaire

FriendofBill

I can so relate with wanting someone you love back. Totally relate.

With that being said.......who do you want back? The man who has lied and cheated on you, or the man that you "used" to know who was kind, loving and fatihful?

Of course, I think Youd want back the second descrption....but, he isnt there anymore. Just the fantasy of him exists. At least for today.

Unless I saw a significant change of humiltiy, willingness and ammends, I would not take one step further into a relationship with this person. If he really wants the relationship, if he really wants to change, he will, and he will show it in spades.

Today, I wont settle for less than what I give in a relationship.

Good luck!!

pmaslan

FOB...that was very well said...couldn't have said it better myself.....
Love, Patty

CatsTail

Dakoda,

Unfortunately for us co-deps it takes a lot of time and practice to break the habit of caretaking. While we're caretaking they are just sitting back not living any consequences of their actions.

SexySadie,

Your A may be delievering his wishes to you ie keep paying him and keep him a job even though he's an idiot, through his current victim. Sounds like it to me, it's too bizarre that while you are spilling your guts to this person out pops keep him on the payroll and with a job.

Ngaire

dax

Dakoda- You have so much sympathy for the ow. Have you been one??? Of course the H is a lying cheating snake but it takes 2 to make an affair. And no telling who was the agressor. But this ow slithering in to try to be friends with the one cheated on- a skank and a low life. The man's a complete jerk and a poor prize of course. They deserve each other- with no income from the business.

pmaslan

I have been cheated on before and spoke with the OW just to confirm my suspicions. Didn't share my opinions or ask for details nor did I want them....just confirmation that my suspicions were true. THAT is all I needed to know. I knew I wouldn't get the truth from him and I didn't. But once she confirmed it, I didn't hold her responsible....I held HIM 100% responsible. It never even ocurred to me to blame her. She was irrelevant! After all, HE was the one that made a committment with me, and HE was the one that broke it...not her! She didn't betray my love and trust....HE DID! No matter how much she may have tried to seduce him away from me, if his character was what I thought it was....it never would have happened if he chose to do the right thing.....and he didn't! HE didn't! That says it all!!! The OW was NOT the problem but rather just a symptom of and an outlet or a vehicle for his true character to be expressed....whether drinking or not!

Gianna:
I totally agree with you on this point....couldn't have said it better.....
I think Sexysadie handled the situation very well...I on the other hand would not have...I am willing to admit that...I guess I have a long way to go and hopefully I will never be in that situation.
Sadie...just let him go, he IMHO is not worth all this time and pain you are going through...
Love, Patty

CatsTail

That was pretty out of line with Dakoda Dax.

Ngaire