Jerry Springer Material.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
Jerry Springer Material.
For awhile now, I've made comments to my friends about different situations in my life being "Jerry Springer Material". I've come to realize recently that although dh isn't drinking as often and we don't even live together and haven't for quite some time, this sort of stuff just keeps happening in my life because of him and his actions.
This got me to thinking about the past 17 years that we've been married. And I realize that a lot of our marriage has been Jerry Springer material! I mean, isn't it major drama to live with an alcoholic for most of us? The incidents that happen, the words/arguements that are had, the ongoing chaos, the lies, the broken promises, etc etc etc.
And you know something - I've never liked the Jerry Springer show (or shows like it)!!! I am not entertained by the drama, the high adrenaline, the depression, the everything!!!!!!! And while the Jerry Springer Show may be scripted and not real.....some of the situations on this show are very real for some people in their real lives!
I believe that some people need that high drama! Whether it's their role as the instigator or their role as the victim or whatever role it is they play in the chaos, they thrive on it. They almost "need" it as they have no clue as to how to act otherwise.
Which finally leads me to the point of my post (I know, I'm long-winded), but do you really want to have that drama in your life? Do you find that you've become so accustomed to this chaotic life that you don't know how to act/react otherwise? Do you find that it's "normal" to you when this sort of chaos and confusion happen?
Just something for you to think about as I realize that alot of things in my life that were Jerry Springer material had become "normal" to me. And I know that I don't want that crap in my life! But it can be really eye-opening if you're honest enough to see just how your life is - and how you want it.
Just something for ya to think about.
This got me to thinking about the past 17 years that we've been married. And I realize that a lot of our marriage has been Jerry Springer material! I mean, isn't it major drama to live with an alcoholic for most of us? The incidents that happen, the words/arguements that are had, the ongoing chaos, the lies, the broken promises, etc etc etc.
And you know something - I've never liked the Jerry Springer show (or shows like it)!!! I am not entertained by the drama, the high adrenaline, the depression, the everything!!!!!!! And while the Jerry Springer Show may be scripted and not real.....some of the situations on this show are very real for some people in their real lives!
I believe that some people need that high drama! Whether it's their role as the instigator or their role as the victim or whatever role it is they play in the chaos, they thrive on it. They almost "need" it as they have no clue as to how to act otherwise.
Which finally leads me to the point of my post (I know, I'm long-winded), but do you really want to have that drama in your life? Do you find that you've become so accustomed to this chaotic life that you don't know how to act/react otherwise? Do you find that it's "normal" to you when this sort of chaos and confusion happen?
Just something for you to think about as I realize that alot of things in my life that were Jerry Springer material had become "normal" to me. And I know that I don't want that crap in my life! But it can be really eye-opening if you're honest enough to see just how your life is - and how you want it.
Just something for ya to think about.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: DooDooville, USA
Posts: 453
Hi StandingStrong,
I can relate to what you're saying. I think we grow up with that. The need for chaos in our lives or we feel "bored" and create some ourselves.
My whole life was chaotic. Growing up in my home, we never fought much, but we were always walking on eggshells around my Dad who was a rageaholic. Only emotion he'd show us when we were little. My Mom used to tell us kids "Don't make your father blow!"
Then, I married a very controlling man that was physically/verbally abusive at age 16 to get AWAY from my Dad. I didn't know at the time that I was going from the kettle to the frypan! But, I soon found out after 6 months of being married.
That was abuse 24/7/365 for 8 years. I stayed 8 years because that's how long it took me to get away from him. I had tried so many times and to get my 2 kids and I somewhere safe, but he'd physically stop me each time.....until finally one day I made it out.
But, even after I left that constant chaotic abuse, I still continued to make wrong decisions. I started drinking heavily to "cope" and dated a couple of guys that were either druggies/alcoholics or abusers. I didn't think I deserved anything better. That's how I grew up and that's all I knew.
UNTIL I stopped drinking 11 years ago. By that time, I was sick and tired of the chaos. Instead of making wrong choices, I went back to college and got really involved in work and volunteer work and my kid's lives.
My daughter is a recording artist (she's 23 now) in NYC and back then, I'd get her into a pageant or two or help her with her life time goal.
(this is beginning to be a "book"). Then, I was able to make ammends with my Dad and we had 18 great months together until he died of cancer. My Mom and I also reconciled and I help take care of her through breast cancer, tuberculosis and then a healthy time, a new move to a fun, living assisted home only to lose her suddenly one day 3 yrs ago to a heart attack.
Then, I became ill and had a tumor in my colon. Thank God it's gone and I'm cancer free and healthy, but those 7 years of my parents passing away and then my own scare with death brought me back to depression and major vulnerability. Just recently, I dated an A and tried to "save" him. I've known him since I was 13 and we ran into each other at a reunion and I saw in him the pain I once had and tried to show him how I got sober, but made the mistake of falling for him during the process.
He's out of my life now cuz the chaos came back tenfold and I had been without it in my love life for 15 years, so didn't want that back.
It (the chaos) makes it's cycles in our lives. Depending on how we feel about ourselves and how good we're taking care of ourselves. We do NOT have to live in chaos. We can be happy in quiet, peaceful times and just challenge our energy into positive things.
I can't stand the Jerry Springer show, but whenever it's on or I hear it....and all the people are yelling and screamin' at each other.....it does bring back some BAD memories. THANK GOD I'm not living a Jerry Springer life right now.
I can relate to what you're saying. I think we grow up with that. The need for chaos in our lives or we feel "bored" and create some ourselves.
My whole life was chaotic. Growing up in my home, we never fought much, but we were always walking on eggshells around my Dad who was a rageaholic. Only emotion he'd show us when we were little. My Mom used to tell us kids "Don't make your father blow!"
Then, I married a very controlling man that was physically/verbally abusive at age 16 to get AWAY from my Dad. I didn't know at the time that I was going from the kettle to the frypan! But, I soon found out after 6 months of being married.
That was abuse 24/7/365 for 8 years. I stayed 8 years because that's how long it took me to get away from him. I had tried so many times and to get my 2 kids and I somewhere safe, but he'd physically stop me each time.....until finally one day I made it out.
But, even after I left that constant chaotic abuse, I still continued to make wrong decisions. I started drinking heavily to "cope" and dated a couple of guys that were either druggies/alcoholics or abusers. I didn't think I deserved anything better. That's how I grew up and that's all I knew.
UNTIL I stopped drinking 11 years ago. By that time, I was sick and tired of the chaos. Instead of making wrong choices, I went back to college and got really involved in work and volunteer work and my kid's lives.
My daughter is a recording artist (she's 23 now) in NYC and back then, I'd get her into a pageant or two or help her with her life time goal.
(this is beginning to be a "book"). Then, I was able to make ammends with my Dad and we had 18 great months together until he died of cancer. My Mom and I also reconciled and I help take care of her through breast cancer, tuberculosis and then a healthy time, a new move to a fun, living assisted home only to lose her suddenly one day 3 yrs ago to a heart attack.
Then, I became ill and had a tumor in my colon. Thank God it's gone and I'm cancer free and healthy, but those 7 years of my parents passing away and then my own scare with death brought me back to depression and major vulnerability. Just recently, I dated an A and tried to "save" him. I've known him since I was 13 and we ran into each other at a reunion and I saw in him the pain I once had and tried to show him how I got sober, but made the mistake of falling for him during the process.
He's out of my life now cuz the chaos came back tenfold and I had been without it in my love life for 15 years, so didn't want that back.
It (the chaos) makes it's cycles in our lives. Depending on how we feel about ourselves and how good we're taking care of ourselves. We do NOT have to live in chaos. We can be happy in quiet, peaceful times and just challenge our energy into positive things.
I can't stand the Jerry Springer show, but whenever it's on or I hear it....and all the people are yelling and screamin' at each other.....it does bring back some BAD memories. THANK GOD I'm not living a Jerry Springer life right now.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
There are two kinds of people who do what I used to do for a living - break horses. One kind does it for the adrenaline rush, they chose it and do it BECAUSE it's dangerous. Just in my own experience they are dangerous to work with and don't last that long.
As I'm a self confessed coward, the first to say I never rode an unbroken horse without being scared, despite having taken every precaution possible to make it safer, I wouldn't put myself in the adrenaline seeking group. I did my job DESPITE it being dangerous. For myself and the people I chose to work with the drama came along with our choice but wasn't the reason for that choice. We did our job because it was fascinating, challenging and most of all rewarding.
I look at life the same, I've made countless choices but they've rarely been based on wanting drama or avoiding it at the expense of what I want for myself or believe in. One thing I do believe though and that's when the task is hard and involves risk you have to become very centred on your own protection or the 'drama'/risk will get you hurt. The harder the path you chose the more you need to think and be aware - I've never seen that reflected in the 'Jerry Springer' types of our world!!
As I'm a self confessed coward, the first to say I never rode an unbroken horse without being scared, despite having taken every precaution possible to make it safer, I wouldn't put myself in the adrenaline seeking group. I did my job DESPITE it being dangerous. For myself and the people I chose to work with the drama came along with our choice but wasn't the reason for that choice. We did our job because it was fascinating, challenging and most of all rewarding.
I look at life the same, I've made countless choices but they've rarely been based on wanting drama or avoiding it at the expense of what I want for myself or believe in. One thing I do believe though and that's when the task is hard and involves risk you have to become very centred on your own protection or the 'drama'/risk will get you hurt. The harder the path you chose the more you need to think and be aware - I've never seen that reflected in the 'Jerry Springer' types of our world!!
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
Do you find that you've become so accustomed to this chaotic life that you don't know how to act/react otherwise?
This made me go hmmm outloud. I think yes for me for a long time, it was like I would be bored with simplicity and normal routines.
I am now ready to be bored!
This made me go hmmm outloud. I think yes for me for a long time, it was like I would be bored with simplicity and normal routines.
I am now ready to be bored!
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
It (the chaos) makes it's cycles in our lives. Depending on how we feel about ourselves and how good we're taking care of ourselves. We do NOT have to live in chaos. We can be happy in quiet, peaceful times and just challenge our energy into positive things.
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Oh boy...that's my story.
My life has been pretty calm for some time now and I defend it with all I have. There are things that come up in life tho...things outside that threaten the inside. My mom has breast cancer and is losing the fight. I have an extortionist for a neighbor who's only real job is figuring out ways not to work, including earning money with lawsuits. I have a friend who's husband goes to AA meetings while drinking behind her back. These are things that are just life.
Every decision I make about any of those sorts of things is based on maintaining a level of calm in my own life.
Yesterday I woke up feeling frantic about my mom. I identified the things that were bothering me, made a list and addressed each of them. I did what I could that day so I could get rid of the anxiety. And it worked. It always works. Calm was restored.
It took me years to achieve calm and in the beginning it felt boring and I wanted to shake things up. It is so true that we can change...now when things get shaken up it feels uncomfortable and I want the calm back.
Hugs,
JT
My life has been pretty calm for some time now and I defend it with all I have. There are things that come up in life tho...things outside that threaten the inside. My mom has breast cancer and is losing the fight. I have an extortionist for a neighbor who's only real job is figuring out ways not to work, including earning money with lawsuits. I have a friend who's husband goes to AA meetings while drinking behind her back. These are things that are just life.
Every decision I make about any of those sorts of things is based on maintaining a level of calm in my own life.
Yesterday I woke up feeling frantic about my mom. I identified the things that were bothering me, made a list and addressed each of them. I did what I could that day so I could get rid of the anxiety. And it worked. It always works. Calm was restored.
It took me years to achieve calm and in the beginning it felt boring and I wanted to shake things up. It is so true that we can change...now when things get shaken up it feels uncomfortable and I want the calm back.
Hugs,
JT
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Minneapolis MN
Posts: 96
Good question
I function fine with no drama. I have yet to be in a relationship with a man where this is also true! Part of that has to do with the type of men I date. Most have been alcoholics.
Alcoholics love to convince you that you are the one creating drama. All a part of their denial.
I am working to improve my choices and set healthy boundaries to avoid "drama directors"
I function fine with no drama. I have yet to be in a relationship with a man where this is also true! Part of that has to do with the type of men I date. Most have been alcoholics.
Alcoholics love to convince you that you are the one creating drama. All a part of their denial.
I am working to improve my choices and set healthy boundaries to avoid "drama directors"
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
Alcoholics love to convince you that you are the one creating drama. All a part of their denial
He once said, " I don't have a problem with my drinking ...you have a problem with my drinking."
He was right.
Binge poster
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 561
I've got a relative who does this, and she's not alcoholic.
She focuses on drama, creates it and almost revels in it, and I suspect I know why. Drama is all consuming, it fills a space in her life and it allows her to avoid the real problems.
I like things in packets, but I think I may do this too sometimes!
J
She focuses on drama, creates it and almost revels in it, and I suspect I know why. Drama is all consuming, it fills a space in her life and it allows her to avoid the real problems.
I like things in packets, but I think I may do this too sometimes!
J
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Concord NH
Posts: 158
Originally Posted by giz
Alcoholics love to convince you that you are the one creating drama. All a part of their denial:
I agree.........sometimes it is us being dramatic, but I for one have on several occasions, not reacted in anyway. My AH would create drama that wasn't there. Say I was making faces I wasn't making. Hearing things I wasn't saying. He would absolutlely fight with himself, the whole time saying it was me. He definitely brought the drama into my life.
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