Guilt
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Guilt
Thank you for asking about me, I have been on vacation for the last couple of weeks.
I had a quiet vacation, planned on going up north, but it didnt work out, my son had baseball tryouts and that kept me home. My daughter started her first job, and that kept me home also (I made her quit already). I can say that I am very happy it worked out that way, it was so nice to stay home for the couple of weeks and not do a whole heck of alot. (my mom is mad at me)
My kids had their friends stay over the house alot, it seemed like I had extra's everyday, which was nice for my kids, they were free spirits for the two weeks. I did manage to get to Cedar Point with some adult friends, (no kids) I had fun, but wow my body took a beating.
My brother was shipped to Mt. Pleasant to a nursing home, and he had to turn right back around and come back home, because the nursing home couldnt handle him. He is now in the hospital with 105 temp, I heard about the temp from my sister, since my mom is mad at me. I feel a little guilty for not going up north to see my brother while I was on vacation and my mom being mad at me doesnt help. I am feeling a bit uncomfortable calling her lately, so I havent been calling as much, it is the comments and silence I cant handle. I am worried that she is going to think I dont care, but I have to stop doubting my every move because I didnt do what someone else expected of me.
I had decided at the last minute that my son couldnt go camping with a friend of his, I avoided answering this mom for a long time, by always saying I am not sure, because I was uncomfortable with it. Last Friday I told her he could go, and then changed my mind on Sunday. I am just going with my gut instinct on this one, and it is saying very loudly NO. I tried to call her all day on Sunday and she didnt return my calls, I left a voice mail message letting her no I changed my mind and my son cant go. She called yesterday and my son answered, and she let my son no she was upset, I think she should have called me and not made my son feel bad about it, it wasnt his fault. She was telling my son, how she bought this and bought that, and that they were going to have their own tent that she bought. I feel bad that she had did that, but she did that before I said he could go, assuming that he was going to be able to.
I let myself carry around way to much guilt.
I had a quiet vacation, planned on going up north, but it didnt work out, my son had baseball tryouts and that kept me home. My daughter started her first job, and that kept me home also (I made her quit already). I can say that I am very happy it worked out that way, it was so nice to stay home for the couple of weeks and not do a whole heck of alot. (my mom is mad at me)
My kids had their friends stay over the house alot, it seemed like I had extra's everyday, which was nice for my kids, they were free spirits for the two weeks. I did manage to get to Cedar Point with some adult friends, (no kids) I had fun, but wow my body took a beating.
My brother was shipped to Mt. Pleasant to a nursing home, and he had to turn right back around and come back home, because the nursing home couldnt handle him. He is now in the hospital with 105 temp, I heard about the temp from my sister, since my mom is mad at me. I feel a little guilty for not going up north to see my brother while I was on vacation and my mom being mad at me doesnt help. I am feeling a bit uncomfortable calling her lately, so I havent been calling as much, it is the comments and silence I cant handle. I am worried that she is going to think I dont care, but I have to stop doubting my every move because I didnt do what someone else expected of me.
I had decided at the last minute that my son couldnt go camping with a friend of his, I avoided answering this mom for a long time, by always saying I am not sure, because I was uncomfortable with it. Last Friday I told her he could go, and then changed my mind on Sunday. I am just going with my gut instinct on this one, and it is saying very loudly NO. I tried to call her all day on Sunday and she didnt return my calls, I left a voice mail message letting her no I changed my mind and my son cant go. She called yesterday and my son answered, and she let my son no she was upset, I think she should have called me and not made my son feel bad about it, it wasnt his fault. She was telling my son, how she bought this and bought that, and that they were going to have their own tent that she bought. I feel bad that she had did that, but she did that before I said he could go, assuming that he was going to be able to.
I let myself carry around way to much guilt.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Originally Posted by Gracey
but I have to stop doubting my every move because I didnt do what someone else expected of me.
I had decided at the last minute that my son couldnt go camping with a friend of his, I am just going with my gut instinct on this one, and it is saying very loudly NO.
Error on the side of safety he said. A no when in doubt is always a safer way.
What a smart mom you must be
Binge poster
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 561
Hey 
I know what you mean re the kids. Best's right though, it's much better for me to say no and be safe. Just as long as I don't do it ALL the time!
Number 1 son's teenage "sleepover" (with girls and I suspect beer) at 15 just screamed no, and I felt guilty telling him and making him upset, but his life will go on!
The friend's mum wasn't very nice saying all those things to your son. That was very childish. You're a much better mum than her
j
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I know what you mean re the kids. Best's right though, it's much better for me to say no and be safe. Just as long as I don't do it ALL the time!
Number 1 son's teenage "sleepover" (with girls and I suspect beer) at 15 just screamed no, and I felt guilty telling him and making him upset, but his life will go on!
The friend's mum wasn't very nice saying all those things to your son. That was very childish. You're a much better mum than her
j
xxxxxxxx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
gracey - you have a right to enjoy your vacation for YOU and your kids. you always bend over backward for everyone. when your gut talks - that's usually a sign to listen. toss that guilt aside girlfriend! you do a great job with yourself and your kids!
glad you got to go to cedar point w/o kids!!!
glad you got to go to cedar point w/o kids!!!
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
Dear Gracey,
I'm flashing back regarding your mom. But with me, it was my grandmother. Never could make her happy. I was damned if I did and if I didn't.
I learned later on...after her death and while in therapy that it's like banging your head up against a wall when it comes to them.
My thoughts now would have been to send her a card telling her I needed the time to myself with friends. I'm sure she would have twisted it into something awful and held that against me too, but I would have absolved myself of the guilt I was carrying around. I hope you can too. I know the pain and guilt and it's hell. After all they're our parents. But they're not in our heads, living our lives and we're not in their heads...Thank God!!!
Your plate is full enough. So sorry she's playing games about your brother.
I'm flashing back regarding your mom. But with me, it was my grandmother. Never could make her happy. I was damned if I did and if I didn't.
I learned later on...after her death and while in therapy that it's like banging your head up against a wall when it comes to them.
My thoughts now would have been to send her a card telling her I needed the time to myself with friends. I'm sure she would have twisted it into something awful and held that against me too, but I would have absolved myself of the guilt I was carrying around. I hope you can too. I know the pain and guilt and it's hell. After all they're our parents. But they're not in our heads, living our lives and we're not in their heads...Thank God!!!
Your plate is full enough. So sorry she's playing games about your brother.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Glad you're back. So is your mom angry with you because you didn't visit her while you were on vacation? I'm sorry to hear about your brother. What's the next step for him if the nursing home couldn't meet his needs? Glad you followed your instincts regading the camping trip. I've found that my instincts are always right. Missed you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: a state of unrest
Posts: 383
hey gracey how are you? I really have missed you here!! Glad you had a good vacation! It's always best to go with your gut when it comes to your kids. A mothers instints is always right on.
Mindi
Mindi
Guest
Posts: n/a
Thank you guys, I feel so at home here.
My mom is mad at me because I had two weeks off and didnt go up north at all to visit my brother who has been mainly hospitalized since January 19th, 2004.
You cant win for loosing with my mom, you are damned if you do and you are damned if you dont.
You know what I noticed that gets me in trouble alot, I dont know how to say no to someone, because I dont want to hurt there feelings, or let them down.
I think saying no when in doubt is a very good idea, I can always reverse it, if I chose to do so.
I have to get better at saying no without lying (saying I am busy when I am not) or explanation (try to make them think it is nothing against them) cause some of my decisions it is because I just dont like there parenting or I may not even like them.
What is a good out, without lying or hurting there feelings???
My mom is mad at me because I had two weeks off and didnt go up north at all to visit my brother who has been mainly hospitalized since January 19th, 2004.
You cant win for loosing with my mom, you are damned if you do and you are damned if you dont.
You know what I noticed that gets me in trouble alot, I dont know how to say no to someone, because I dont want to hurt there feelings, or let them down.
I think saying no when in doubt is a very good idea, I can always reverse it, if I chose to do so.
I have to get better at saying no without lying (saying I am busy when I am not) or explanation (try to make them think it is nothing against them) cause some of my decisions it is because I just dont like there parenting or I may not even like them.
What is a good out, without lying or hurting there feelings???
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I don't know Gracey. My parents never felt they needed to explain a no. They are the parents and it is their responsibility and so there was never a reason for them to defend or explain. It helped me ...I could use them as an excuse. My parents won't let me. They protected me and I got to blame them.
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