Stressed 1

Lets see...how does this go again. I'm going to Alanon to help me deal with my A mother.......well she drinks herself stupid. I'm new at this..as you can see.....maybe I'm tired...tired of trying to avoid her calls, her visits and she has to bring her bottle.....God don't forget that. I ended up yelling at her in my backyard today. After all the talking we've done and telling her that if she comes over, I don't want her drinking or drunk. I told her that last week during our heart to heart talk. I grabbed her bottle and throw it in the garbage...some might say that it was harsh...but it's my house. I was told to try to put some distance between us, I tried. I knew that if I didn't, it was going to end like this. When she left I almost called the police because she was so drunk that I couldn't understand her.

The worst thing about this, my daughter heard me yelling at her and came outside. I stopped and she asked me what was wrong, I just said "nothing, please go in the house" I ended the conversation with please leave and take your friend with you.

WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THE BAD GUY? WHY HAVE I BEEN CRYING ALL NIGHT? IS THIS MY BREAKING POINT?

Stressed 1

meli2005

Sounds like you are about to hit bottom. I have found that not getting so involved in the A's problems is so much less energy consuming. I wish you luck in your situation.

Detachment is not a bad hting when dealing w/an A!

Savana 54

Sometimes when we are dealing with an A, we need to learn to detach to save our own sanity. It seems you are trying hard to control your Mom's drinking, in which you have no control over it. I know it's a hard pill to swallow and you really just want to "fix them" but it reality we can't. I used to yell and scream at the top of my lungs at my xabf, where did that get me? He in turn would only drink more.

I hope you can find some serenity and peace

((((stressed 1))))

Here is the meaning of detachment from the Al-Anon website:

Detachment is neither kind nor unkind. It does not imply judgement or condemnation of the person or situation from which we are detaching. It is simply a means that allows us to separate ourselves from the adverse effects that another person's alcoholism can have upon our lives.
Detachment helps families look at their situations realistically and objectively, thereby making intelligent decisions possible.

minnie

It doesn't quite work like that. A boundary is for you. She is an alcoholic, so she will drink. You can't control her drinking, so you need to have a plan in place for when she does drink. So, if your boundary is "I will not have drinking in my home" and she does just that, then you calmly ask her to leave. Or you get someone else to take her home. Or you don't invite her in the first place. No point in getting angry when she is doing what she has always done.

Can I ask how old your daughter is? I ask this because I was listening to an al-anon speaker tape (free to download from http://www.xa-speakers.org/pafiledb.php) the other day and the lady was saying how she taught her children not to trust people, their own judgement or their own feelings when she said there was nothing wrong when there obviously was something going on.