I feel sick. . .
 

I suppose it's not a good sign that my postings have become more frequent.

I told my story in another posting so I'll keep this one short. My husband went into the hospital for detox about 2 weeks back. He walked out with an attitude because he didn't want anyone asking about how he's doing, bugging him with his decision "to quit", etc. He lost his job due to his drinking and he was home alone for the last two weeks. A week ago Thursday, he had "a slip" and again on Sunday. Now he's been drinking for 4 days straight. He's passed out in the bed right now for the forth time today and we're at exactly the same situation that took him to the hospital.

I had plans on going to see a divorce lawyer tomorrow (2nd visit to get the ball rolling). I just look at him now and cry as he's laying in bed passed out. He needs some serious help, he's killing himself slowly and there's nothing that I can do about it. He's ruining everything we've built together over the past 10 years. If I try to talk to him about it, all I get is the same rude comments, and his accusing voice that it's all my fault that he's a drunk. When he's sober, he says he wants to stop.

What's making me feel sick is that he's been passed out all day today. He's been up three times (long enough to sneak another drink when I'm not looking) and then within 10 minutes he's passed out again for a few hours. I'm having a really hard time with this today.

Can someone help?

I am so sorry; I wish I knew............I know the pain you feel; I feel the same way. Sending you a "hug".

I really don't know what to tell you, except that I join you in hoping he gets more help soon. It's so sad for both of you, and my prayers go out that when he wakes up he may be willing to try again.

I'm sorry for how this troubles you. Just know that I care.

Hugs
Ann

((( wish ! )))

Hon, this is exactly the sort of time to do something for yourself. You don't have to have a front row seat to his drama. Go out to the mall, get your nails done, go for a walk, drive the car with some favourite music on.

Have you tried Al-anon? Not only can you learn how to deal with these situations and much more besides, but you also have people to call in times of need.

And he hasn't "slipped", imho, he never really stopped in the first place. That's the reality. I know how hard it is to see someone you care about put themselves through this. I always shudder to think what kind of pain they are running away from that makes this a better option.

You can't help him, but you can help YOU.

Oh Minnie,

The sad thing is is that I know everything that you told me and yet I still let it get to me. I'm realizing more and more every day that he is not the person I want to be with (when he's drinking) and still I have hope. What is the deal? He got out of bed a while ago for about 1 1/2 hours and then did it all over again. Now he's back in bed. He refuses to say anything to me and if he has something to say, says it as either a statement (doesn't address me directly) or he says it through my daughter. "Tell mommy, etc." or if I'm cooking something "what's that smell?". Not. . . "what are you cooking?", etc.

I hate to admit this, but I got so fed up with his drinking binge that I went on a massive search through the house and dumped out all the bottles of vodka that I could find. During my search, I found some "cash" receipts from the company that he used to work for. These were for people that paid cash and obviously he kept the money. HE WAS STEALING FROM THAT COMPANY!!! Unbelievable. . . I don't know why I was suprised.

I AM doing the right thing leaving this relationship. It hurts bad to say this, but the situation he's potentially leaving this family in could kill us emotionally, mentally, money-wise, etc. Life is too short to risk all of this. He can ruin his life but he cannot ruin mine. Is this selfish? I guess I'm in a frame of mind now. . . .

Urgh!

wish - i am in the same boat - it sucks!

((((wish))))

The only thing I can tell you is: YOU have choices. It sucks to have this happening however dear heart there ARE other things you can do besides watch him drink!

It was a hard lesson for me to learn but learn it I must if I am to ever have serenity in MY life.

I am surrounded by alcoholics and possibly at least one addict BUT whose counting right! LOL. I don't know what I'd done if it were not for Al-Anon meetings, the literature, my sponsor and a support group of people who had or were walking through the same stuff.

It's hard to remember they are God's kid when they are practicing their disease. It's hard to remember I am talking to a bottle instead of a person I love when they are drinking.

Pleasse know you are not alone unless you choose to be. Please give your self and your daughter the gift of recovery.

Consider yourself hugged.

Oh contrar (sp) dear one...It's a sign you are looking for help and want to get better.

You need to follow your gut on what you have to do. It's a difficult time and worries about financial, etc. will be there, but you'll get through them. Read back to other posts where people were in the same situation and still took the step in the direction that was right for them. They made it. You can too.

And no, you are not selfish. You're wise and willing to find better in life. Go for it.

Blessings.

If you're concerned about

Sounds like a terrible situation. Would he be up for inpatient rehab where he stays for like 30 days. My AH went to Parker Valley Hope (in Parker) and it was a nice place.


Sounds like he needs inpatient bad as he drinks around the clock.

It does feel like evrything is going down teh drain when you are married to an A. I know how you feel exactly.

Pray about it tonight. Pray for answers/guidance in this difficult time.

Meli-

Thank you so much for the advice. I've looked into several rehab places in the area but they've all told me that they were "voluntary" and that he could leave at any time. I've asked him several times to seek help. . . AA, a counselor, a rehab facility and he always states that he can do it on his own. When I remind him that he cannot do it on his own, he gets bitter and defensive and tells me to get off his back. . . end of conversation.

I pray daily, nightly, every chance I get. Thanks for the advice.

He can't do it on his own. Sounds like he is still in denial about the gravity of his problems.


ALcoholism is such a terrible disease!!!


you have to decide, do you want to give him an ultimatum, etc. You get better or we leave, etc...

I'm not telling you what to do, but I will tell you that I know your pain. You're describing the life I used to live with my xAB of 23 years. I, too, desperately wanted my xAB to leave, but I was afraid I wouldn't be able to handle things financially. Well, I not only handled things, I'm flourishing, financially and emotionally.

My advice to you is to do what I did before I made my life-changing decision: I prayed for guidance and strength.

For me, leaving my AB was the best thing I've done for myself in a long time. I don't miss the chaos, I don't miss the lies, I don't miss him claiming his drinking was all my fault, I don't miss the drunken stupors, I don't miss the trips to the ER, I don't miss driving him to AA meetings, I don't miss his self-centered alcoholic behavior. In fact, I don't miss my former life for one second.

I'm so happy you're confident in your decision and carried through with it. As you stated:

I don't miss the chaos, I don't miss the lies, I don't miss him claiming his drinking was all my fault, I don't miss the drunken stupors, I don't miss the trips to the ER, I don't miss driving him to AA meetings, I don't miss his self-centered alcoholic behavior.

. . . . I'm not going to miss any of this either. . . but I will miss him.

Praying for a change! Thanks.

I still miss my ex-boyfriend, too. Here's wishing for peaceful days ahead for you, too.