benefits

As you probably have read in my previuos posts my exABF popped back into my life a couple of weeks ago out of the blue. We had a couple of conversations and I sort of have this feeling that he wants something although I'm not sure what. So he stops over last night "just to see me" we had a nice enough conversation. Originally I thought he was looking for sex after last weeks calls but after last nights visit I'm not sure that he is looking for that - he didn't bring it up or do anything that would even remotely indicate that he was looking for that. He is having some work related issues right now and he brought this stuff up and he talked about that for a while and I could tell he had a ton on his mind with all of this and I listened and I didn't offer any advice (not easy for me) all I really said was "well I guess you live and learn". I think it surprised him that I didn't offer any advise. I also think that he was somewhat relieved after he left because he got all that off his chest.
I'm not sure why I let him in to my house, I'm not sure why I listened to his problems, I'm not sure why but I still have a great deal of compassion for him. Since he left I've been feeling rather content. I'm not really obsessing about him or wondering what he's up to, etc. etc. I felt nothing after he left except compassion. I still love him and I always will but I don't have this desire to fix all his problems, I'm not hoping that he will come running back to me. I'm not doing anything and I'm okay. Maybe seeing him again helped me gain some sort of closure, I'm not sure, I'm kind of confused. I think by seeing him and not having all those emotions raging made me realize that it is really over. Does that make any sense???? I just know I feel pretty good today. I think I saw that he really has not changed and never will and I know that I have changed for the better and I guess I finally see that I deserve so much more (as selfish as that sounds it's true). He is not working, has no income, bills (mortgage, cc, car pymt) are all several months past due and he's going to the beach this weekend for a few days and then going for a whole week in two weeks. Just proves that he is still as irresponsible as ever, and even though he owes me a ton of money even that doesn't bother me as much since last night.

minnie

I am so glad that you have been able to se him without any rose tinted glasses on. Whatever it takes for you to feel that it is over.

Keep on keeping on. I think it might have been a watershed, don't you?

admitit

Boy you are doing the right thing... Keep strong. It's visit like that, that reminds you you are on the right track. Sometimes God puts things in your life to remind you to keep strong...

benefits

I think this was a "watershed" moment as you said. It's so weird because for months now I have been really working hard to get over him and all it took was one visit from him for me to feel that I am over him completely, this time - or at least I hope its for good this time. I didn't even do anything - it's just way I am feeling. It's Friday night and normally I would be wondering where he is and what he's doing - but tonight I just don't care. Like I said this feels weird, but it's a good kind of weird.

zoe

What's with the selfish comment? If that applies to you it applies to all of us who think we deserve better than what we got. You deserve all that you have worked so hard for so you go girl!!!!

CatsTail

Benefits,

As long as you can stand your ground fine, but what he wants is to suck you back in big time. Beware, they are very cunning.

Ngaire