he's gone
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: over the rainbow
Posts: 487
he's gone
he got an apartment after telling me yesterday that we can't afford this- we still don't have anything in writing yet. i told him i thought it would be best to do it now so that everyone can get settled in over the summer. he told me i was living in a bubble. then last nite while he was cleaning up his new apt. he had a beer. - i just smelled it on him- he is still not moved out- he said, "it sure did taste good after all that cleaning" I said, "and i am sure the next one tomorrow will be even better and the next nite even better!" and he tried to shrug it off as that is not what is going to happen. i said, "it doesn't matter to me, that's your bubble!"
the kids have had surprising reactions- the 6 year old at first acted like she was happy! the oldest one says, "dad has a disease, and mom doesn't like it". the youngest had a book from school last september (!) about a family getting a "dee-force". maybe that book will help her through this as she mentioned it recently.
i made a quick list when he came home and said he signed the lease- a list of things he did which remind me why this is the right thing to do. after reading the list of over 11 years worth of crap- i feel like i have been crazy all this time to continue to allow him to treat me this way. i let him read it and he truly did not believe he did all those things! then i asked him which one of his daughters did he want to see marry a man that would treat her like this. and why do i deserve to be married to a man that treats me like this.
so the emotional part will definitely be better with him out of the house -i think- don't know how much he expects to be dropping over whenever he feels like it. i still am working on the financial part - am looking into doing real estate investing. i keep praying and this seems to be where i am being led. all prayers sent my way would be most appreciated at this momentous time. thanks.
the kids have had surprising reactions- the 6 year old at first acted like she was happy! the oldest one says, "dad has a disease, and mom doesn't like it". the youngest had a book from school last september (!) about a family getting a "dee-force". maybe that book will help her through this as she mentioned it recently.
i made a quick list when he came home and said he signed the lease- a list of things he did which remind me why this is the right thing to do. after reading the list of over 11 years worth of crap- i feel like i have been crazy all this time to continue to allow him to treat me this way. i let him read it and he truly did not believe he did all those things! then i asked him which one of his daughters did he want to see marry a man that would treat her like this. and why do i deserve to be married to a man that treats me like this.
so the emotional part will definitely be better with him out of the house -i think- don't know how much he expects to be dropping over whenever he feels like it. i still am working on the financial part - am looking into doing real estate investing. i keep praying and this seems to be where i am being led. all prayers sent my way would be most appreciated at this momentous time. thanks.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
(((escaoe artist)))
Thinking of you all during this traumatic time. It's going to hurt you all, but I would say less than if you continued the status quo.
Sounds like hubby is still in denial. At least you're not and are dealing with the here and now. I've a feeling things will sory out fine for you and the kids.
Take care
Love
Minnie
xxx
Thinking of you all during this traumatic time. It's going to hurt you all, but I would say less than if you continued the status quo.
Sounds like hubby is still in denial. At least you're not and are dealing with the here and now. I've a feeling things will sory out fine for you and the kids.
Take care
Love
Minnie
xxx
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 49
Think Minnie is correct. I did think your list was brilliant. This bloke is in denial.
You are the one who is dealing with the real life problems. You have a plan and seem to be headed in the right direction.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your kids. Think you will do okay.
You are the one who is dealing with the real life problems. You have a plan and seem to be headed in the right direction.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your kids. Think you will do okay.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: a state of unrest
Posts: 383
made a quick list when he came home and said he signed the lease- a list of things he did which remind me why this is the right thing to do. after reading the list of over 11 years worth of crap- i feel like i have been crazy all this time to continue to allow him to treat me this way. i let him read it and he truly did not believe he did all those things! then i asked him which one of his daughters did he want to see marry a man that would treat her like this. and why do i deserve to be married to a man that treats me like this.
This is brilliant, I think I will make this list also. You are a great inspiration to me, as I am on my way to getting out of my relationship of 12 years with AH. Good luck and keep us posted on how things are going.
Love,
Mindi
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: western canada
Posts: 1,441
Hey...
I got a mental pic of your guy reading that list...
lol...
If one could ever yank an addict out of denial about his/her behaviors.... I pictured you coming very very close... ;o)
And children...
well..
I always wished my parents would just stop fighting... and hurting each other.
I didnt' care if we lived together or not...
It would have been just so nice to have at least one parent not raging in their disease... whether it be the using part or the controlling part....
I think your handling your situation with huge dignity and acceptance of the way things are....
Lord...
Your daughter is trying to walk the true path...
Grant her strength and courage in the face of her adversity...
And please Lord... if it be your will....
slap that man of hers upside the head so he realizes what he's giving up... ;o)
I got a mental pic of your guy reading that list...
lol...
If one could ever yank an addict out of denial about his/her behaviors.... I pictured you coming very very close... ;o)
And children...
well..
I always wished my parents would just stop fighting... and hurting each other.
I didnt' care if we lived together or not...
It would have been just so nice to have at least one parent not raging in their disease... whether it be the using part or the controlling part....
I think your handling your situation with huge dignity and acceptance of the way things are....
Lord...
Your daughter is trying to walk the true path...
Grant her strength and courage in the face of her adversity...
And please Lord... if it be your will....
slap that man of hers upside the head so he realizes what he's giving up... ;o)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: AK
Posts: 143
If I could fill a bubble with strength and send it your way I would. I remember growing up with parents that did not get along so well and they did not have any addiction problem. I wished they would just go their own way and be happy. They are still together today and still fighting. Not such a joy to be around especially when one or the other tries to drag me and my sister into the middle.
Take care and be happy!!!!!
Take care and be happy!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Prayers and Hugs to you and your family.
Honestly coming from a child of parents that were not happy and should have divorced I cant tell you enough how a little peace goes a long way.
That is a great idea with the list, and putting in the perspective of which of his daughters he would marry off into that relationship. I use that same thing for myself (not often enough) I ask myself how I would feel if my daughter where treated this way. If its not good enough for her then its not good enough for me either!
Honestly coming from a child of parents that were not happy and should have divorced I cant tell you enough how a little peace goes a long way.
That is a great idea with the list, and putting in the perspective of which of his daughters he would marry off into that relationship. I use that same thing for myself (not often enough) I ask myself how I would feel if my daughter where treated this way. If its not good enough for her then its not good enough for me either!
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