Starr

A while back someone suggested I give a little info about my situation.
I've been with my Alcoholic husband since I was 18 years old. That was 28 years ago. I moved into "his world", an area with his family, his friends, where he grew up, far from all I'd ever known. I have three children and was years without a car, living far out in the country and was very socially isolated. I lost myself and poured into my children and husband all that I had. He had always been a drinker, but this is a progressive disease. Things got bad but I always put on a good act when around others. Due to living with this I developed very low self-esteem, my children went thru hell.

Now: My youngest just graduated and has been out of the home since April. I have been in and out of Alanon for several years. Out of church for awhile, spent time very angry with God for what we went thru and still trying to work that out. Joined a hiking group year and a half ago which has totally changed my life! I see another way of life, I don't have to be miserable. My husband is a daily drinker. He is always angry with me, It is hard to live with this. I want out, but I am not working, and don't really have any job skills, and I know that is the first step. I know that when I do get to working, I won't be able to spend as much time on my hiking trips, which is what keeps me going, but if I don't get working, I will have to remain here forever living this way. I watch as his drinking and smoking and not eating are catching up with him physically/mentally. He is very thin, does not look well, sleeps alot, drinks a lot, very unhappy/angry. I hardly talk to him because I truly dislike him and it will only make him mad what ever I say. I live in fear of his anger. I know that this is not a way to live.

The plan: Get a job. Go back to alanon meetings. Practice alanon priciples. Come to terms with my higher power. Keep hiking and being with people that are good for me. Develop a plan to move on with my life. And continue with Sober recovery forum, this really helps me, someone always asks questions I have and the responses really help! Lately I have been feeling really down, I need to find my smile again.

walkingtheline

WOW! You've found a passion and you've formulated a plan! :bravo

I would also suggest you add "see an attorney" to your list. You need an advocate to insure you receive any spousal support your entitled to and to find out where you stand when it comes to the assets.

I hope you'll keep us updated and that we see much more of you here on the board.

rivercitybelle

Starr
You are doing GREAT!!!
You've found a way to be with people you like and you've got a plan to make your life better for you.
Hang in there. It does get better, really.

Starr

A lady I hike with sometimes gave me the name of her attorney. Said he was really good. (but expensive and I have no money) When do I see him? Now or once I get on my feet financially?

Two others gave me names of places to go to for employment. One is a place to help those who have been out of work get back into the work force, sounds like just the ticket! Won't be in until Wednesday this week, tho. The other is a temp agency. I have an appointment for orientation Wednesday morning. I'm scared! I don't talk one on one with "athority figures" well (comes from growing up with A father I guess)

As for being so down lately, just talked to a friend telling her about it and figured it out! He has been is an ok mood lately (not good, just not horrible). Usually when he is not in bad mood, the next day he is just horrible. He has gone several days of this. I guess I am just waiting for the blow-up and if he isn't being a pain---well someone has too! Maybe I am addicted to this chaos?! He seems happy when I am miserable, too! I guess we each know the steps to this dance by heart. This realization alone has made me feel better. I gotta get back in Alanon and not react to his moods!

walkingtheline

I don't know much about WA, but in MO (where I was divorced) my X was required to pay my attorney bill. Why not call the attorney's office and ask?

I would go ASAP. You need protection. If he gets a whiff of "something's up" he might hide some assets.

brightlight

I think you have a great plan! I have a lot of what you have, but a little different. I do see my husband getting thinner and drinking daily and smoking too much. I do not fear him, but I worry some when he drinks of what he might say or do in front of the kids, so it is a fear also. My kids are still small, but if my kids were grown then I would BE OUT OF HERE!!!!!! I have been thinking of taking up hiking. I never thought of a club, but probably would not have time for that, but I live in the Pacific N.W. and it is beautiful out and I am thinking of finding some trails to hike or bike with the kids. I even thought if I lost some weight I would take up cross country skiing to have something to do for the winter.

rivercitybelle

Here's a link to info, resources, legal aid, etc in WA
http://www.nwjustice.org/

and
http://www.washingtonlawhelp.org/WA/index.cfm

FormerDoormat

I think you have a fine plan, Starr, and if you stick with it, you'll "find your smile" in no time. Alanon is a good place to start. Making amends with your HP is another good place to start. You're certainly on the right path. Hope you land a great job.