have you ever felt like this....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: pa
Posts: 11
have you ever felt like this....
my husband is an "a" and from day to day my emotions range from : that's it ! i can't take this anymore. to: maybe everything will be ok. maybe time will take care or God will somehow intervene. sounds like opposite emotions are striking me all of the time. is this normal???
also, my husband has this friend who seems to bring out the worst in him. the guy calls every night for my husband to party with him. i know my husband is the one who makes the choice but still what is wrong with the friend?
also, my husband has this friend who seems to bring out the worst in him. the guy calls every night for my husband to party with him. i know my husband is the one who makes the choice but still what is wrong with the friend?
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
ekp,
You are probably letting your emotions be dictated by him. Is he doing well? Is he sober? Is he drunk or nasty?
That is typical codependent behavior and for a codependent yes it is very normal. When you begin to focus on you instead of him those emotions may still be there but much much less severe.
Hugs,
JT
You are probably letting your emotions be dictated by him. Is he doing well? Is he sober? Is he drunk or nasty?
That is typical codependent behavior and for a codependent yes it is very normal. When you begin to focus on you instead of him those emotions may still be there but much much less severe.
Hugs,
JT
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi ekp.
Dino used to have this particular partying buddy whose girlfriend would start shrieking whenever he proposed spending time with Dino. He had another pal whose wife got tense for the same reason. Dino couldn't understand it. I explained that the gals were doing just what I had done... blaming his using on the company he keeps. I thought if he just wouldn't hang around with those losers he wouldn't use so much. The other women were thinking the same thing. But birds of a feather flock together. While someone is using drugs or alcohol they are likely to hang out with other users. Imagine. At the other end of the telephone could be a wife or girlfriend who wishes her fella wouldn't call your husband.
Sure, I think most people have those "it's okay/it's not okay" blues sometimes. Just know that when you get them, you can come here and scream, and we will understand.
Hugs,
Smoke
Dino used to have this particular partying buddy whose girlfriend would start shrieking whenever he proposed spending time with Dino. He had another pal whose wife got tense for the same reason. Dino couldn't understand it. I explained that the gals were doing just what I had done... blaming his using on the company he keeps. I thought if he just wouldn't hang around with those losers he wouldn't use so much. The other women were thinking the same thing. But birds of a feather flock together. While someone is using drugs or alcohol they are likely to hang out with other users. Imagine. At the other end of the telephone could be a wife or girlfriend who wishes her fella wouldn't call your husband.
Sure, I think most people have those "it's okay/it's not okay" blues sometimes. Just know that when you get them, you can come here and scream, and we will understand.
Hugs,
Smoke
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
ekp
We call these emotional swings taking the roller coaster ride. we go up and we come down, usually depending on how the A's in our lives are behaving.
Through the 12-steps and our recovery we learn that we can get off this roller coaster and find peace. We do not have to live in their disease and we do not have to participate in their chaos.
Once you start working a program for you, life will become more balanced and peaceful - I promise.
We call these emotional swings taking the roller coaster ride. we go up and we come down, usually depending on how the A's in our lives are behaving.
Through the 12-steps and our recovery we learn that we can get off this roller coaster and find peace. We do not have to live in their disease and we do not have to participate in their chaos.
Once you start working a program for you, life will become more balanced and peaceful - I promise.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: pa
Posts: 11
thank you for clarifying
thank you for clarifying b/c being honest with this stuff is tricky for me. i think you're right: my emotions are dictated by his behavior. i wish they were not. i think i am learning more and becoming more aware from you guys which is educating me in how i should deal with this effectively instead of flipping out and yelling at him when he's drunk, etcc.. even that simple suggestion has helped me. thanks. i do have a question? how do i let my emotions be dictated less by him? any suggestions?
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Denton Texas
Posts: 92
EKP: I am so with you. I can only tell you that working the Al-Anon principles and saying the slogans really helps. Let Go, Let God. Stand out of God's way (so He can help your A), we didn't cause it, can't change it, can't control it.... 3 A's (Awareness, Acceptance, then Action) I am on the rollercoaster ride less often these days but unfortunately still in the Theme Park..... Hope this helps..
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Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Climbing outa da Black Hole
Posts: 146
ekp,
That was, still is, normal for me! uP, down, I love you, I hate you, I'm outa here, Well, maybe its not so bad. My whole world seemed to evolve around his feelings, & actions. I'm still trying to figure out what I really feel about anything - and who stole MY principles and morals?? I'm thinking about putting an ad in the paper! " Has anyone seen Lisa?? She's been lost since..."
Going to Alanon & trying to work the program has really helped me. I run around alot saying "Let Go, Let God"! & I've added "I'm Powerless" (Thanks Anns!)
There's a really good post about Detaching on the top of the board. I think I'll be ok once I can find my Balance, and then I won't be blown around back & forth in the wind so much!
That was, still is, normal for me! uP, down, I love you, I hate you, I'm outa here, Well, maybe its not so bad. My whole world seemed to evolve around his feelings, & actions. I'm still trying to figure out what I really feel about anything - and who stole MY principles and morals?? I'm thinking about putting an ad in the paper! " Has anyone seen Lisa?? She's been lost since..."
Going to Alanon & trying to work the program has really helped me. I run around alot saying "Let Go, Let God"! & I've added "I'm Powerless" (Thanks Anns!)
There's a really good post about Detaching on the top of the board. I think I'll be ok once I can find my Balance, and then I won't be blown around back & forth in the wind so much!
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
EKP:
I used to wonder where I went as well... wondered if I would see my own picture on a milk carton (or in the post office) someday.
Once I found recovery, I had a new vision and a new perspective on everything. I was amazed that everyone couldn't see things with the clarity I saw them... and that they didn't want to jump on the same recovery train that I was on!
My Ex and I played another bad game for awhile. My sponsor called it "its over, its over, come on over." I couldn't totally let him go, I guess I still had some unfinished business or unresolved feelings for him. It took me awhile to totally detach from his "stuff" LONGER to detach from him.
keep reading, keep working your program. Little by slow it gets better. I promise.
Osier59
I used to wonder where I went as well... wondered if I would see my own picture on a milk carton (or in the post office) someday.
Once I found recovery, I had a new vision and a new perspective on everything. I was amazed that everyone couldn't see things with the clarity I saw them... and that they didn't want to jump on the same recovery train that I was on!
My Ex and I played another bad game for awhile. My sponsor called it "its over, its over, come on over." I couldn't totally let him go, I guess I still had some unfinished business or unresolved feelings for him. It took me awhile to totally detach from his "stuff" LONGER to detach from him.
keep reading, keep working your program. Little by slow it gets better. I promise.
Osier59
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