brdlvr2

My exABF is still calling from jail. I don't answer each time, but when I do, it's a big fight as he is still asking for another chance. He keeps saying how can I throw 3 years away and not try to make this work. I don't want to waste anymore time in this stressful relationship. I don't think he will change and I've heard the same lines from him from him so many times through the years. There were good times of course, but this last go around was more bad then good.

How many of you have kept giving your SO "one more chance" only to see time pass on and it is the same old stuff? I feel so bad that I want to end this ongoing cycle with him while he wants to keep it going and keep working on it. He says over and over, that He has gotten better and don't give up.

I have no ties to this man, not married, no kids, no property, nothing invested except time.

pmaslan

I gave me ex AFiancee about 17 chances and each time he only proved me wrong again and again. 17 breakups in 2 years is insane. He still thinks we could make it work. He just got out of the hospital yesterday morning after a a near death experience on Monday, BAC was 480 nearly 4 and 1/2 times the legal limit. You would think that would be a wake up call for him, but no last night I got the usual late night drunken calls from him. This morning more of the same, blaming me for everything, telling me how sick I am and that I need help so on and so on. I don't know you but I can tell you if your heart is not in it ...end it. There isn't much point hanging on to a relationship that isn't meeting your needs. Sounds to me that you've had enough...
Love, Patty

gelfling

Hello to you...Chances for the alcoholic??? No one here has enough fingers and toes to count the times I've said, "Okay, this time"...It's part of the disease. We want to trust and believe them. But they can't believe themselves.

Time to change your phone numbers and email address.

Stressed 1

To bad that there isn't a patch for A's like there is for smokers. I don't have to see the A in my life everyday, or talk to her...so I guess that would be a break for me. Sorry for what your going through. I had a BF that was addicted to the white stuff...but I wouldn't have made it as easy as it was to leave if it wasn't for the law stepping in.

It's a good thing that you don't share anything together...You must love him.


looking out for you

brdlvr2

Love him? Hmm, I think I used to, but now it's more a feeling of guilt. He has nobody and due to his alcoholism really has nothing. Whenever we break up, I am at peace, when we get back together - the stress for me starts. I am full of resentment and I don't like who I become when we are together. He is a good person when sober and I am not perfect, I have my flaws. He knows what buttons to push when he feels I'm done. He will say "who else are you going to find that would never cheat on you, who loves you like I do" etc. And it gets me thinking, well maybe it isn't that bad....

pmaslan

They have a knack for manipulating us into whatever it is they want don't they....
I felt the same way when my ex and I would break up....peace. When he came back all the anger, stress and resentment would come back too. Makes you wonder why we would even agree to taking them back.

walkingtheline

I HATE this statement! And he's shown you that love by robbing your sister???? If that's love then no thank you! I believe if you wanted another man, there are many moral and upstanding men who would love you, cherish you and keep faithful to you. This statement reeks...just implies you should "settle" rather than have the relationship you deserve.

If you love him and would like to continue with him I would suggest you allow his ACTIONS to speak for him. Words are, as we all know, cheap.

Beautiful

Talk is cheap. Talk is cheap. Talk is cheap.

Talk with no action is a LIE.

Hey, I just answered my own pondering question for the day. Thanks!

minnie

Chances? Blimey, my ex had more than his fair share. And he still asks for more 6 months after I called it a day! I know now that he wasn't looking for chances, he was looking to wipe the slate clean so that he could go and do it all over again. When I left it was for good, although there was a teeny part of me that might have re-considered if he had started to walk the walk. But he didn't and still isn't.

And why should you? He is alone and has nothing because of his own actions. Do you really think that you should pay the price for his choices?

Please don't settle and do yourself a favour and get to meetings or counselling to address why you are thinking this way. You can have a fantastic life if you decide to.

And don't think of it as "giving up", think of it as grabbing hold of YOUR life.

Minx1969

Like WTL says, "actions not words"..We were on again and off again for 2 years..Finally I started going to Alanon and knew I deserved better..I could have gone back or manipulated him back but I have a very clear idea of what I want and deserve out of life..

A person that is actively drinking and not in recovery and not willing to admit his part is not it..

I want someone to treat me with respect...

It's been 9 months and I'm happy..And ..guys that appear to be normal are interested in me..that remains to be seen..

meli2005

I would tell him if he wants to resume the relationship, he needs to get better and show you he is better. I would not want to resume a relationship with a jailbird. Be glad you didn't waste more than three years w/this person.

CatsTail

I wouldn't bother telling him anything, no time like the present to give up. Go for it. you have no ties to him so get on with your life.

Ngaire

JT

...and don't answer the phone. They have a lot of time in jail and want to talk to anyone who will pick up. Collect no less.... to lay a guilt trip on you?