Sister has an alcoholic fiancee
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Syracuse NY
Posts: 2
Sister has an alcoholic fiancee
Hi everyone,
I am new to this forum and I am actually doing this to put my mind at ease.
Here is the background. My sister has a 12 year old daughter and they have been living with my sister's fiancee for 2 years. Everything has been fine up till about 2 weeks ago. Her fiancee has always drank about 4-5 beers a night. In the recent months his drinking has become more excessive and his personality has become very moody, disconnected etc.
Well, when everyone was gone for the weekend he drank so much that he tried to commit suicide. It was only by divine intervention that my sister happend to call him and didn't like what she heard so she contacted 911.
They told her if she didn't 10 more minutes and he would have been gone.
Sorry if this is too long.
He was hospitalized for 5 days, After evalulation both the psychiatrist and medical doctor feel he is an alcoholic but is no threat to himself or anyone else. He has been set up with an outpatient program. If that does not work they will put him into an inhouse program.
The Problem: Both he and my sister feel it would be best for him to get his own place during this time. One, because of her daughter and also because he has two boys he needs to reconnect with. My sister also feels that a lot of his stress was due to their living situation. Although, they will continue to be couple and family. He has gotten an apartment and will be moving on July 1st. Until then he is still with my sister. My sister and her ex have split custody so her daughter is gone for a week anyway with her father. However, my sister's ex-husband wants him out of her house now. She did see a lawyer and he told her that they were both taking the right steps to correct this situation. The lawyer feels her ex is just trying to bully her. He has bullied her into giving him what he wants for the past 12 years. He left right after their daughter was born.
Well, today he told her he was going to file for full custody. Has anyone had experience with this kind of thing? My feeling is that he can't win because they are taking steps to correct this situation. My sister feels there is no problem if her fiancee stays there until he moves into his apartment. Again, the fact is they are taking steps. Her lawyer feels that the custody case won't fly. Any thoughts?
I am new to this forum and I am actually doing this to put my mind at ease.
Here is the background. My sister has a 12 year old daughter and they have been living with my sister's fiancee for 2 years. Everything has been fine up till about 2 weeks ago. Her fiancee has always drank about 4-5 beers a night. In the recent months his drinking has become more excessive and his personality has become very moody, disconnected etc.
Well, when everyone was gone for the weekend he drank so much that he tried to commit suicide. It was only by divine intervention that my sister happend to call him and didn't like what she heard so she contacted 911.
They told her if she didn't 10 more minutes and he would have been gone.
Sorry if this is too long.
He was hospitalized for 5 days, After evalulation both the psychiatrist and medical doctor feel he is an alcoholic but is no threat to himself or anyone else. He has been set up with an outpatient program. If that does not work they will put him into an inhouse program.
The Problem: Both he and my sister feel it would be best for him to get his own place during this time. One, because of her daughter and also because he has two boys he needs to reconnect with. My sister also feels that a lot of his stress was due to their living situation. Although, they will continue to be couple and family. He has gotten an apartment and will be moving on July 1st. Until then he is still with my sister. My sister and her ex have split custody so her daughter is gone for a week anyway with her father. However, my sister's ex-husband wants him out of her house now. She did see a lawyer and he told her that they were both taking the right steps to correct this situation. The lawyer feels her ex is just trying to bully her. He has bullied her into giving him what he wants for the past 12 years. He left right after their daughter was born.
Well, today he told her he was going to file for full custody. Has anyone had experience with this kind of thing? My feeling is that he can't win because they are taking steps to correct this situation. My sister feels there is no problem if her fiancee stays there until he moves into his apartment. Again, the fact is they are taking steps. Her lawyer feels that the custody case won't fly. Any thoughts?
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
I think it's marvelous they decided to live apart. Perhaps, this will help the situation as long as he continues with a program. Wouldn't be a bad idea if your sister also attended alanon meetings. She needs to get an education about alcoholism and the effects on the family. They have loads of free literature and there are oodles of books out there on the disease.
Sounds as if the ex is blowing hot air. They are taking the necessary steps for everyone's safety. If he's threatened in the past and never followed through, I don't think this is an issue.
Why don't you consider going to alanon meetings with your sister. She could probably use the support.
Take care and blessings
Sounds as if the ex is blowing hot air. They are taking the necessary steps for everyone's safety. If he's threatened in the past and never followed through, I don't think this is an issue.
Why don't you consider going to alanon meetings with your sister. She could probably use the support.
Take care and blessings
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
I think it's marvelous they decided to live apart. Perhaps, this will help the situation as long as he continues with a program. Wouldn't be a bad idea if your sister also attended alanon meetings. She needs to get an education about alcoholism and the effects on the family. They have loads of free literature and there are oodles of books out there on the disease.
Sounds as if the ex is blowing hot air. They are taking the necessary steps for everyone's safety. If he's threatened in the past and never followed through, I don't think this is an issue.
Why don't you consider going to alanon meetings with your sister. She could probably use the support.
Take care and blessings
Sounds as if the ex is blowing hot air. They are taking the necessary steps for everyone's safety. If he's threatened in the past and never followed through, I don't think this is an issue.
Why don't you consider going to alanon meetings with your sister. She could probably use the support.
Take care and blessings
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
I think it's marvelous they decided to live apart. Perhaps, this will help the situation as long as he continues with a program. Wouldn't be a bad idea if your sister also attended alanon meetings. She needs to get an education about alcoholism and the effects on the family. They have loads of free literature and there are oodles of books out there on the disease.
Sounds as if the ex is blowing hot air. They are taking the necessary steps for everyone's safety. If he's threatened in the past and never followed through, I don't think this is an issue.
Why don't you consider going to alanon meetings with your sister. She could probably use the support.
Take care and blessings
Sounds as if the ex is blowing hot air. They are taking the necessary steps for everyone's safety. If he's threatened in the past and never followed through, I don't think this is an issue.
Why don't you consider going to alanon meetings with your sister. She could probably use the support.
Take care and blessings
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
I think it's marvelous they decided to live apart. Perhaps, this will help the situation as long as he continues with a program. Wouldn't be a bad idea if your sister also attended alanon meetings. She needs to get an education about alcoholism and the effects on the family. They have loads of free literature and there are oodles of books out there on the disease.
Sounds as if the ex is blowing hot air. They are taking the necessary steps for everyone's safety. If he's threatened in the past and never followed through, I don't think this is an issue.
Why don't you consider going to alanon meetings with your sister. She could probably use the support.
Take care and blessings
Sounds as if the ex is blowing hot air. They are taking the necessary steps for everyone's safety. If he's threatened in the past and never followed through, I don't think this is an issue.
Why don't you consider going to alanon meetings with your sister. She could probably use the support.
Take care and blessings
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
I think it's marvelous they decided to live apart. Perhaps, this will help the situation as long as he continues with a program. Wouldn't be a bad idea if your sister also attended alanon meetings. She needs to get an education about alcoholism and the effects on the family. They have loads of free literature and there are oodles of books out there on the disease.
Sounds as if the ex is blowing hot air. They are taking the necessary steps for everyone's safety. If he's threatened in the past and never followed through, I don't think this is an issue.
Why don't you consider going to alanon meetings with your sister. She could probably use the support.
Take care and blessings
Sounds as if the ex is blowing hot air. They are taking the necessary steps for everyone's safety. If he's threatened in the past and never followed through, I don't think this is an issue.
Why don't you consider going to alanon meetings with your sister. She could probably use the support.
Take care and blessings
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
I think it's marvelous they decided to live apart. Perhaps, this will help the situation as long as he continues with a program. Wouldn't be a bad idea if your sister also attended alanon meetings. She needs to get an education about alcoholism and the effects on the family. They have loads of free literature and there are oodles of books out there on the disease.
Sounds as if the ex is blowing hot air. They are taking the necessary steps for everyone's safety. If he's threatened in the past and never followed through, I don't think this is an issue.
Why don't you consider going to alanon meetings with your sister. She could probably use the support.
Take care and blessings
Sounds as if the ex is blowing hot air. They are taking the necessary steps for everyone's safety. If he's threatened in the past and never followed through, I don't think this is an issue.
Why don't you consider going to alanon meetings with your sister. She could probably use the support.
Take care and blessings
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Is it my Comp or did Gelfling really want to get her point accross??? I shows the same post 6 times.
Welcome to SR... we are glad you are here..
About the ex.... I would not worry about it, it wont fly. Trust me my ex-husband use to puff up and blow all that holier then thou stuff all the time. Sometimes I think he did it only to make him feel like the parent he was not. They are taking the steps to correct the situation and that is what would be looked at. Even if he did not leave there are Dr. reports saying is not a threat to himself and others... if it ever went before a judge it would probably be thrown out and the ex would get a stern lecture about wasting the judges time. Besides in most states the judge would listen to the desires of a 12 year old... not base the decision upon but listen.
I would also sugges the Alanon meetings for her, could be she might decide that she does not want to live in that situation (recovery sucks at first too) or if she does marry then it will give her the tools to live in that life.
Take care
Welcome to SR... we are glad you are here..
About the ex.... I would not worry about it, it wont fly. Trust me my ex-husband use to puff up and blow all that holier then thou stuff all the time. Sometimes I think he did it only to make him feel like the parent he was not. They are taking the steps to correct the situation and that is what would be looked at. Even if he did not leave there are Dr. reports saying is not a threat to himself and others... if it ever went before a judge it would probably be thrown out and the ex would get a stern lecture about wasting the judges time. Besides in most states the judge would listen to the desires of a 12 year old... not base the decision upon but listen.
I would also sugges the Alanon meetings for her, could be she might decide that she does not want to live in that situation (recovery sucks at first too) or if she does marry then it will give her the tools to live in that life.
Take care
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Syracuse NY
Posts: 2
Thanks for such quick responses. My sister is going to attend alanon meetings and I probably should go with her. She is just overwhelmed right now and needs to get a job first because he was doing the supporting. You have put my mind somewhat at ease. I have been reading this site since this whole thing happened. I like this site. I, myself was in 2 different alcoholic relationships. I know how hard it is to learn to get out.
MJ
MJ
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