herewegoagain

I've been reading Melodie Beattie's book, and really like it. Well J tells me last night "I've read a little bit of your book." "Which one ?" I asked, because I have a few lying around, lol. "The one in the bathroom" he said. So I went through all these emotions - I was surprised he was even interested, a little afraid of what his reaction would be, and I also felt a little like my privacy was invaded, I don't know why. But I was pleasantly surprised - he wants to understand where I'm coming from. For some reason he was under the impression that I thought my CoDe-ness came from living with him....and that's SO not how it is ! So I just said "Oh GOD no...this was all well established LONG before you came along !" LOL....I told him I'm not sure whether he's an alcoholic or not, but that ultimately whether or not he is doesn't matter - the fact that his drinking bothers me is the problem. I can't change him, I can only change myself. We don't agree on our points of view about his drinking - at the very least, I feel that he's a binge drinker...he feels there isn't a problem. But when I told him those things, I think he was surprised. He just sat there looking at me, with a bit of a surprised look on his face, and didn't say anything. He almost looked relieved...kind of hard to explain. Overall it was a nice experience though. I really liked that he was taking the time, and had the interest, to learn why I am the way I am. It felt like a very caring gesture on his part. The best part of it was - he did it all on his own...I hadn't even mentioned the book to him, didn't say "here, look at this - this is why I'm such a worrywart, why I get angry so easily, why I have so many fears."

Zoey

You did the right thing, IMO always best not to show them something and say here read this, as they think we are trying to fix them or change them, so they will be D--ed if they will read it or they will be watchful of what it says and plan the argument.

You are so lucky. clancy46

herewegoagain

Thanks Clancy. Sometimes I feel lucky, sometimes not, lol.

minnie

This is a great thing! I would always try and get my ex to read stuff that I found for him. He would either read it to please me or ignore it. Either way, none of it has really sunk in. Now, had I left him to discover it on his own, who knows what might have happened? People don't look at stuff that doesn't interest them, imo. Treasure this moment.

herewegoagain

Wow - I think he's actually interested in it !! Last night he asked me what I've learned in it so far, and told me he read more...what he thought about it, etc. We talked a little bit about the anger chapter (I just got done reading it). I am shocked...truly shocked...that he's this interested !

Zoey

Way to go girl. Best Wishes for you both always.
clancy46