CBB126

I am preparing myself emotionally and physically to divorce my husband. Problem..every nice gesture he thinks that there is nothing wrong. I must admit that old behaviors are hard to change, as I catch myself still putting his feelings first, trying to make him comfortable when I just don't like him. I hope I am explaining this properly, but I informed him that I was tired last week our problems..this week we are almost acting like a married couple, chatting about our day even making love and that made my skin crawl. It it feels almost surreal to me, I don't want to do it, but I feel almost compelled to act like this is a home when in fact all I want to do is leave. But, damn it I am still protecting his feelings. WHY! WHY! WHY! Am I just backpeddling or just sick?

JessicaNAJ

Sounds like you need to do a lot of work on you, otherwise, you just might take him back because you "feel sorry for him". Believe me, I've been there.

Here is what I did to help me........SoberRecover, Al-Anon, Counseling, and reading (Melody Beatie....CoDependant No More).

Things wont happen overnight, but you'll see the more work you do for you, the less compelled you'll feel to protect his feelings.

TexasGirl

Hi CBB,
I completely understand. It sounds like the same thing I am going through. For me, it's hard to know how to act when you know you're plotting your exit. When he's nice, you want to be nice back, right? When you're not downright mad at him, life seems kind of normal and we start acting normal. It just confuses me more. Then I start forgetting that I wanted to leave in the first place. Let me know if you figure anything out.

CBB126

That's exactly it. He's buying things for the house, trying to plan our son's birthday party and I want to scream - stop it!! I don't plan on being here to share these things with you. I'm just here until I go figure out the best way to exit safely. Then, I feel guilty, that he is buying things, planning for our sons party and when he knows that I am leaving he is going to lose his mind. I'm trying to work on me, going to meetings, praying to God for the right direction. It is all a bit overwhelming. But, anything has to be better that this constant feel of anxiety.