brdlvr2

My exABF (I can only say for now) has called all weekend from jail. Same lines as before. THIS time is it, I'll do ANYTHING you want if you go back with me. You can hold all my money, I'll go to meetings/treatment. I wonder if he remembers he told me the same thing so many, many times before. And he wonders why I don't believe him. He is doing his best to once again suck me back in. The compliments, trying to be the sweet man he can be if he never drank. Letting me know visiting hours - in case I want to visit him so we can talk? It will be the same words as before. Short of blocking his calls I don't know what I can do. And due to my codie ways, I always answer the phone (at .85 cents a pop!) because I know the sweet man he can be when sober, the good times we had - when sober and that due to his alcoholism, he has nobody except his mom and that's iffy too. I pray that I get strengh from my HP to be strong. To stick with my decision this time. Perhaps there is a part of my me that says: well, maybe THIS TIME is REALLY IT? After all, he ONLY binged on vodka twice in a month this time (but who knows how many more times he would have if he didn't get locked up). This is tough.

minnie

(((Hon)))

You never know, maybe it IS it this time. But that doesn't mean that you have to believe the words until you've seen the actions. In fact, I would strongly advise seeing the actions before you make any decisions about a future together.

Broken record? Tell me about it. "Give me a break", "Work with me on this", "I'm sorry". I really think they mean it in the nano-second when they say it. But the proof of the pudding is in the eating.

Sometimes (?always) the alcoholic needs to know that the buck stops with them before they find any meaningful recovery. He is saying that he needs you in order to get help. In actual fact, he needs NOT to have you in order to have any incentive.

Hang in there, it does get easier.

Love

Minnie
xxx

ggnewme

Hi brdlvr2 - I just wanted to express my empathy and support. i'm in a similar situation right now - broke up with exABF 2.5 months ago. We're talking now, and I've seen him a couple times. He seems to have cut back on his drinking, but still isn't willing/ready to quit entirely, even though he KNOWS that what he needs to do.

What he says, now that I am listening, is actually not too far off from what he's doing. It's "I want to quit, but..." hardly an affirmative - or, "I know what I have to do" w/o being able to actually define what that is....

I still love him, and want him to be well. So I'm around for now - not dating anyone else yet, but, for the first time this weekend, I'm starting to look and be a little more pro-active about it. But I won't keep myself in this role for long.

As Minnie said, the proof is in the pudding, and I'm waiting for Action before even entertaining the possibility of a future with this man.

Good luck to you - maintain your dignity and integrity at all times.

FriendofBill

If nothing changes, nothing has changed.

Actions speak louder than words.

IF we do what we did, we will get what we always got.

Just some simples phrases that help me when dealing with alcoholism!