what if he REALLY DOES want help this time?
 

i must vent before i go crazy. thank you in advance for listening to me.

i am the mother of a 38 year old alcoholic. he been in a rough way for the past 6-8 weeks and last friday he got himself to a hospital and asked for help. it was then that i began questioning the "system". on friday the social worker at the hospital told him (after they gave him fluids and food and rest) that he could have a bed at a center 25 miles from the hospital to get detoxed. they suggested no means of transportation, so after waiting and waiting, my son just left and walked the 25 miles to the hospital they told him would have a bed. he got there and was told they sent him to the wrong place, called the correct place and was told the bed was then gone. i don't know how long it took him to walk the 25 miles, but i know it must have been quite awhile. i got a phone call and he asked me if he could stay at my house until saturday when he would call a certain number to see if a bed had become available. i told him i would pick him up and he could stay with me. saturday morning did bring good news, and i then took him to the stabilization unit where he stayed until wednesday morning. he was given a sheet of paper with about 10 places he could call to get information on long-term programs after being discharged from the stabilization unit. he made several calls and also got a "letter of recommendation" from his case worker. he called a place tuesday morning and told them he would be released wednesday morning. he was told that he would have to come, fill out an application and have an "interview". they told him to bring everything he had because if he passed the interview he would be staying. he called them again before being discharged wednesday morning and at that time it was still "a go". i picked him up at the stabilization unit and we made the 1/2 hr. drive to the center. he went in to fill out his application and wait to be interviewed. i waited in the car. in less than 10 minutes he came out and got in the car saying they gave the bed away. there were no other beds. we then proceeded back home. he called other places on the list he had and noone had any beds. finally on thursday, he lucked out and got a lady at a center who really seemed sympathetic to his problems. she told him new patients were brought in on tuesday and thursday. this being thursday, it was too late for this week and she told him to call her first thing friday morning (today). he called her at 8:00 this morning and she told him she was busy, to call back at 11:30. she was to give him his interview on the phone, and if all went well he would be admitted tuesday of next week. he was so excited. he called back at 11:30, got her voice-mail and left a message for her to either call him back or he would call her in about 1/2 hr. he called 3 more times only to be told the last time that the lady left for the day (this was at about 1:30). he was upset. once again he was given the runaround. i was furious. i've never seen my son so determined to try to get his life turned around, and now he's meeting all these problems.

is this normal or is my son just having bad luck. were it not for his being able to stay here, my guess is he would be homeless and on the street. how, then, could he find a place to recover in?

i can't help but wonder how many alcoholics who finally decide this is the time, are treated like this, plus can't even find a place to go for long-term help, never even have a chance. it's heartbreaking. i don't know if this is the time for my son, but what if it is!!!!! there is noone who will help him.

he has no money and neither do we. he must go to a place that operates for free, but when they get a job they start paying their own way. what my son wants is a long-term place. he says he knows a week or 2 won't do the trick. he says he's tired and can't go like this.

i just don't understand how this so-called system works. all these places ads read like they are there for you 24/7 - will help anytime - we care about you, and on and on and on. only trouble is when you need them they really don't care.

maybe it's just me, his mother, reacting like this. i just had to vent, but if anyone knows anything about the "system" or had an experience like this, please answer me. i'd feel so much better knowing it's not just my son.

thank you

I have seen this sort of thing happen a lot. I think it is the combination of burnt out staff and alcoholics who have alterior motives for treatment. Not that your son does...don't take that wrong...but it almost as if they make them call a number of times and then give them short notice. The bottom line is that there are more alcoholics than beds so they make them prove they are sincere.

Hugs and welcome Mom...I am a mom too of an alcoholic.

I am betting if he perserveres he will find a place!

JT

Evening Lucy:

I don't know the answers to your questions, as my xAB of 23 years never got to the point that he realized he needed help. But one thing is clear: your son has reached his bottom and he's finally realized that he's powerless over alcohol and that he needs help. I'm sure JT is right, the free programs are overwhemled. There are far more people needing help than there are beds available. It's not that these folks don't care, they just don't have a space for him now. If he's persistent, a bed will open up for him. Tonight I'll pray for your son. I'll pray that he finds the help he so desperately needs and I'll pray that he can hold on long enough for a bed to open up for him in a long-term facility. And of course I'll pray for his devoted and loving mom.

((((Lucy))))
((((Lucy's son))))

Just posting to say I agree and seconded everything Formerdoormat has posted.

I hope everything works out for you and your family. A sober family is a great blessing. Do you know how many sober families do not even realize this?

Again, nothing but best wishes from here!!

When receiving indigent care, meaning free treatment, there is a wait. Thats just the way it is. There is confusion and low paying people doing the best they can.

Glad you vented, hope you feel better.

thanks so much to you who answered me. i do feel somewhat better. thanks, too, for your prayers and well-wishes.

wow, he must really want treatment to walk 25 miles!! What dedication!!! After that they should do anything to find him a bed. Usually if they say they have a bed, they should have one. I do understand how you are frustrated. Your son is anxious to start treatment adn you are anxious to see him get better.

I am also the mother of an alcoholic. Every time she tried to access the free detox program at the local hospital, it was full. They only have six beds, and there is so much demand for their services. Eventually, though, she got in. They put the alcoholic's name on a waiting list. It helps if the alcoholic keeps phoning - the staff at treatment centers need to know that the alcoholic is really serious about getting well.

I am assuming your son is also attending AA. This has been a lifesaver for my daughter. There is a huge amount of support available in AA groups and it is completely free.

It also helps if you attend Alanon. You will learn positive ways to handle the feelings you are experiencing right now.

Keep posting here, too.

Love and blessings

Robin

My sister has medical coverage; and we had the same story; two week wait for assessment interview;even in active withdrawl but not high enogh BAL--almost sent her outside for another drink; blah, blah....My husband actually called for an assessment (after separtion from family for 3 yrs over this issue) and was told, they don't handle things like that at treatment center in local hospital!?!

Some real problems.

This same sister did go to a facility and was sent home after 2 weeks as "well"; I think that translated reduction in insurance coverage.