sunshine???

Hi i have been apart from my ABF for a year now. I haven't spoken to him for almost just as long and it was honestly the best thing i could have done.It has been a painful year and i still have my moments BUT i am ALOT happier. I have not posted anything or read anything on this site for a long time. I guess i needed to deal with things on my own for a while. I never did go to Al-anon although i thought about it alot. Now i still have outstanding issues becasue of my experiences with the ex and i do still cry and wonder "why" about alot of things. I struggle most with trying to understand what happened, why he would hurt me so badly and how i got sucked into the drama. I don't feel as though the people around me undersatnd what i went through. I try to explain that my relationship was complictaed in many ways due to the alc/drugs etc...but nobody "gets" it. So finally to my question. Is al-anon only for people still involved with their A's or is it also for those still trying to deal with it. Its been a year for me so is that the place for me? I don't know how to get past certain things and i don't know what else to do.

Thanks so much for being here for me to even just write something.

cwohio

sunsjine - go to al-anon. the tools you will learn there will help you not just with A's but all folks! have you thought about some type of counseling?

Laura_298

Hey sunshine, I moved out a while ago too. My A significant other sucked me into a world of crap as well. I am at the point you are at. Despressed, lonely, but genuinely happy to not have to fear life and death situations on a daily basis.

People have told me I sound/look a million time happier and it's true, I can relax, detach and recognize when I'm acting like a fool more easily. But there are still feelings that come up becasue I live in the same city as my ex and still am in love with her.

It's great to see my A as a sober person now. (Of course when I moved out and stopped nagging, she stopped drinking, after a DUI and some other psychotic episodes...) but now i am beginning to realize that removing the drinker from my life has left me with the issues I originally had: codependancy, fear of making connections and intimacy, isolation etc.

Therapy helps, I will say, and so does Prozac. I was glad to read your post cause it makes me feel less alone. I should start going back to Alanon too..

cloudy

Alanon is for those who have been AFFECTED. And if it's been in your life, you've been affected. Alanon is for us. So that being said, I for example, am still with me. (Just can't seem to get away from myself....) I have been affected. So do you see what I am saying, yes it is still for you. The other person not being around does not mean the affect is no longer around. If you want to go to Alanon, you go. They "get it" sunshine and that alone is an automatic help to be around people for an hour who get it. And then it even goes beyond that. I am glad I started going to Alanon because I needed it then and I need it now more than ever. Best wishes for you Sunshine,

Cloudy :- )

cloudy

PS you too Laura, just saw your post :- )

sweetness

I think that if you want to use the tools of al-anon then you should go. You said yourself that you still have issues with your ex so why not come to terms with them and develop inner peace. Other people who "get" it can be there for you. Good Luck.

nocellphone

There's a saying: If you're thinking about going to a meeting, go to the meeting and think about it afterwards.



Emotional scars run deep and take time (and work) to heal. Al-Anon will be there for you whether you live with active alcoholism or not.

minnie

Sunshine, I am no longer with the A in my life, however I still go to Al-anon and work the programme. For the simple reason that it is not about him, it is all about me. My problems didn't come from him, they came from me and my attitudes and lack of boundaries. If I don't work on me, then I will just continue the pattern for the rest of my life.