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ABF back in jail - and I feel guilty! After yet another nasty argument. Name calling etc. I ended it with my ABF (again ugh) yesterday. It has been on and off for close to 3 years. It lasted one month this time. So after the fight, he goes out and gets a bottle of vodka. Passes out somewhere in the streets and gets picked up by police. Turns out he had a warrant for him from over a year ago from PA. At the time, he borrowed a co-workers car to look for another job, but instead got drunk, and took it to MD to see me. (I didn’t know about how he got car, but he was drunk when he showed up on my doorstep). He passed out here in MD and the guy reported car stolen. After I found out who’s car it was, I called the co-worker at the time to tell him his car was here and didn't know where driver was. The owner of car had to come down here to get his car back. So ABF now back in jail. He just got out one month ago. Of course last night it's the usual, “you drove me to drink, I drank vodka before, but now I’m worse because you put too much pressure on me” and Don't abandon me, I need you as a friend, post bail for me if it's "small", BTW – been there done that and of course he skipped. He says - I wouldn’t leave you in jail if you were here (never mind due to his financial situation due to his alcoholism, he couldn’t help me if he wanted to). I don’t belong here, I have a drinking problem, I’m not a bad person. Etc. Earlier that day, before he got locked up, I was called all kinds of names. Now that he sobered up and is back in jail - it's the old sweet talker again. Every time he gets locked up I feel bad because he has nobody else there for him. I feel I can’t go on because he’s in there and I’m out here free. Very crazy thinking on my part. And he knows how to manipulate me. I tell myself I'm not going to accept his calls, but feel compelled to answer or I feel bad. I want to finally be free of this relationship once and for all. But I always allow myself to get sucked right back in my the lines and promises. Now that he's back in jail, I feel that once again, I should stay with him. I don’t want to be with him. How to I get rid of the guilt? How can I move on? |
This is none of your doing! Please don't forget that. He is where he is because of things he has done, choices he has made. Addicts know exactly what to say to get us to do what they want us to do and most of the time it is things that really aren't good for us. You have a choice of whether you allow this to continue to affect you or to get on with your life and find some peace. Al-anon, counselling and this site have helped me get into a position where I can find at least some peace every day. |
Maybe one day he will be there for himself and maybe one day he will figure out that it is his actions that put him where he is right now.... Until then take care of yourself.... |
Let him sit in jail and suffer the consequences. I think when we always are helping the alcoholic, they never learn to get better on their own, they don't have to face the consequences. Being in jail is a consequence and as he sobers up maybe he will re-examine his life choices, etc. I know it's hard!!! |
I don’t want to be with him. How to I get rid of the guilt? It's such a shame we feel such guilt and pity for them when they're sober and hate their guts when they're drunk. You have no reason, none-at-all, to feel guilty. You don't force the booze down his throat and make him drink. You didn't steal the car, nor did you get him locked up. He did all that himself. Ever see Pet Detective with Jim Carrey??? How he talks out of his butt...everytime I see that I laugh because I think most alcohlics talk the same way. Please look up alanon meetings in your area. I'm sure there are plenty. If not in Pasadena, check out Arnold, Severn, Severna Park and Glen Burnie. Blessings |
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