equus

Okay as I went into waffle overdrive in the last thread I thought I'd attempt to keep this one short.

We went to the docs - D did want me to come, it was him who raised it on the morning and asked if it would be okay with my work.

He's been put on anti depressents, apart from saying he didn't like the last ones he didn't argue at all. The doctor was very firm that his previous blood test showed very good physical health - I want to talk to my nursey mate about that, about how conclusive blood tests are. I think because of the very good blood results alcohol didn't come into the conversation. I have VERY strong beliefs about empowering people rather than squashing them or taking over so I didn't bring alcohol into the conversation.

The AD's will have information with them about it and we can address it then, if D is happy for my nursey mate to know (he may or may not be) we can ask her to get the most up to date info regarding them and drinking while taking them. In short D isn't drinking more than 'most' people - probably a bit less, if that changes so might my attituide but as things stand I'm happy with the line I've taken.

Maybe I'm looking for things to worry about but I'm worried he's very low, so much so that he isn't arguing with anything even taking AD's which I know he feels strongly about. I'm also worried that he didn't tell the doctor the last time on AD's was the only time he felt actively suicidal, or that he self injured. I encouraged him to when the doctor went out to find the name of the last lot but he said no. I think I'm the only person he's ever told, to tell the doctor I would have had to expressly blow his confidentiality and right now that's more than I'm willing to do. I will blow the whistle if he seems too negatively effected by them though.

I'm happy there's something to try, I'm happy he went and wanted me to go but I'm also very concerned he seemed so submissive. I want my stubborn, strong willed husband, I want him to be well not defeated and bidable.

Suppose this is nearly short for me... I'm doing my best to figure out why I feel so glum, I feel like I should be happy.

minnie

It all sounds quite positive, equus. If he is depressed, then he's not able to be strong willed. Hopefully the anti-depressentss will help get the stubborn one back!

As for drinking on medication - well, it is not advisable and I am aware that most anti-depressents won't work as well if you are drinking. Amybe he won't want to drink as much once the tablets take effect. Did the doc mention that it takes a while for them to work and that the first couple of weeks can be a bit difficult? I know I felt a bit odd for a week feeling a bit sick and spaced out.

What's he been prescribed now and what was he on before?

splendra

equus-

I can almost guarentee that he ought not take ADs and drink. It sounds like D is not giving the doctor the whole picture. I would think that the Dr. could look at him and see that he drinks but, sometimes Drs over look the obvious. Drs rely heavily on what a patient tells them about themselves. Do a google search on the drug that D has been given and see what the contraindications are and the side effects cause it could be dangerous to drink while on the drug and often a person has to take the drug for a while before the effects can take place.

I am sorry that you are feeling down but, I can understand why...

equus

He was on seroxat before, this time he's been put on 20mg citolopram (sp?).

I think the drinking stuff will be on the packet - I'm sure of that. To be honest what will count in the long run will be HIS decision about that. Whatever is or isn't said in the surgery he'll have to be the one who decides to make it work. I'll encourage him but I'm not going to put it 'between' us. If he drinks and they don't work then he'll have that extra information too - maybe then it's something the doc would raise, I'll be open with him about my thoughts.

It might give him a bit of reason inside to keep the drinking very low or none at all. I know he's been terrified of AD's so for today this is enough of a huge step forwards.

If he's happy with me being responsible for remembering and giving him the meds, I think I'd like to be - he's not fighting any of this but his memory has been SO bad I want to offer.

I can't really understand why I feel so whingey about this. I'm sat here at work and I just feel in knots - it's not like there were any surprises except D not offering any real argument to taking the pills. I would have been so much happier if he had argued but had then felt comfortable with the response.

JT

Equus,

Could it be that he is accepting it? Maybe he feels bad enough himself that your probing is all he needed to accept help without having to actually come out and ask for it. The male ego and all...

I have to admit that Ward always resists. I swear he just doesn't want to say that I am right. If he gave in too easily I would probably be confused too. But then...it is all about me. LOL!

Hugs,
JT

equus

I don't think this is true unless someone is drinking excessively. In feb he did look awful but it hasn't got as bad physically this time. I know this and the drinking are related but I do NOT think it's a simple cause and effect. The worst thing that could happen would be for the doc to jump ahead of the evidence to conclusion based soley on his medical record. His record HAS to be taken into account, which I think they did with the blood test, he's been given more blood tests than anyone I know and that is directly due to his record.

If the doctor like (perhaps) you was unsure that he may be hiding something the blood results back up utterly that he isn't - or at least he isn't hiding excessive drinking. My worries with him drinking have never been the amount alone, they have been because of his past physical addiction and because he struggles to control it FULLY, he certainly has some influence and power over it.

I was in the surgery with him from start to finish, the only thing he hid (but admitted to me) was what had happened as a result of the last AD's he took.

I'm not going hunting round the net just yet. If D is happy for my nursey mate to know I'll ask her first. They have access to more than the general public and on top of that there's no-one alive I'd trust more in terms of personal opinion - her's is far more informed than mine. If he's not happy for her to know I might suggest me and D have a look together.

The doctor has taken his past into account, he went to great lengths to stress this AD is not addictive, in fact he said it's the opposite because they find it hard to get people to keep taking it once they feel better. He went into alot of detail about that - I think he had 'guessed' it might be D's worry.

Basically I know they won't be as effective if he drinks - I also know that it will be his decision about that which counts and I know the packet + research/asking my mate will give us all the full info needed.

I think my primary worries are twofold. Firstly I think he's alot lower than I realised - he just seems to have given up fighting anything. Secondly I don't know how he'll react to the AD's but I have a good reason to be watchful of any serious looking reaction - for that I do feel some responsibility, a human one because he isn't ok and this isn't JUST about consequences of his decisions.

equus

I have all my fingers and toes crossed that this is the case!! I really hope he's okay with my friend knowing. I didn't really give him much choice about talking re his drinking - I just knew I needed real life support and told him that, he was okay with it, he thought one friend already knew because she was at uni at the same time when he was really bad. This is different, it'll be his call whether I chat to anyone (unless I became worried about his safety - then my priorities would quickly change).

There's stuff I desperately want to ask her, he gets a particular kind of depression more apathetic, lethargic, switching off than upset, emotional. I have rusty memories from my degree that can switch quickly once the lethargy is treated to the more emotional, 'showing out' kind, it's an old hazy memory which I'd love to ask a solid trusted opinion on. For that a friend of 22 years, at the top of her nursing proffession, with a strong interest in mental health - well, OH BOY do I want to talk to her.