Stressed 1

I am a new friend, and hoping that somebody can show me the other side. My mom is 57, but looks 67. I told her about 12 years ago that she needed help with her drinking. This might sound weird, but I almost understand why she drinks. I would love to take those bottles that she calls best friends and pour them down the sink but that's not the cure. I've been watching her kill herself for years and I'm sick of it. I've tried talking to her and so has her son. She drives drunk most of the time, has totalled one car and got away with it. I have found empty cooler bottles under her seat and caps in her ashtray. Every time she is invited over, she thinks that it's BYOB. I know that she's depressed and alone. She was married for 26 yrs and that man cheated on her through most of it. She lost her mother and her best friend in one month and never dealed with any of it. Loving her dosen't seem enough lately. I don't know what else to do. I have never raised my voice at her, out of respect that she is my mother. Somebody help me.......

Savana 54

Welcome Stressed 1! Alcoholism is a very baffling disease. Sadly it's also progressive in which it will either leave the Alcoholic instuitionalized, in jail or can even result in death.

There isn't anything you can do to sober your Mom up, but you can take care of YOU! Have you checked into going to any Al-Anon meetings? It's a huge support system for people that have A's in their lives. It doesn't teach you how to take care of the A, but rather what you can do to take care of yourself.

Try getting a copy of the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. There are tons of supportive people on SR. I often find myself reading all the stickies above, and reading a lot of posts. It seems to help me out. I also like to wander over to the Alcoholism board and read those posts as well. Gives me a little insight.

Take care and remember the three C's You didn't Cause it, you can't Control it, and You can't Cure it.

(((((((((hugs))))))))))

Stressed 1

I know that I didn't cause it and the thought of curing her would be great. She has been there thought my life helping me and teaching me that it's the least that I could do. I love her and would never turn my back on her. This disease does try a persons patients. I care for people for a living, and it's a great feeling, but it doesn't hit home like this. Thank you for your input.

FriendofBill

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/

Support 12 step program for families

Stressed 1

Thanks for your reply. I really do have empathy for anybody that is going through this for what ever reason. Do you think that it would be a good idea to bring my mother to a Al-Anon meeting, maybe to see what the other side feels???. I know how she feels and I do have a way of getting her to open up to me. She respects me and gets the same in return. I try to get her to see the better life, but she can't see past the bottle. She does live alone, so I do keep close contact with her. I worry about her all the time, and the conversations are now based on "what if this happens, what if that happens, what if somebody gets hurt". Am I wrong for getting angry???. Should I just let her live her life???. I know that I'm one day going to be without her, but not like this. I'm now getting to the point of avoiding her so I don't raise my voice. Getting into a fight is not going to fix anything.

Cynay

Welcome to SR Stressed.... Glad to have you with us

Trust me when I say there is nothing you can do to help her recover unless she wants to.

I have heard of some people that will leave the Big Book at the house, you can lead the horse to water but you cant make them drink. That is the only suggestion I could give you... maybe she would pick it up, maybe not. I dont know that I would take her to an Al-anon meeting, heck most of the As I see in the AA meeting I attend dont step foot in an Al-anon meeting. They just are not ready/willing too.

I would suggest Al-anon for you though, It can help alot. I honestly believe my mothers drinking / smoking killed her. She was an A for all my life... though in the end she slowed down, but by then the damage was done. All I can suggest is to get help for you!

gelfling

Hi Stressed.

Taking her to an alanon meeting and her seeing what others are going through because of the actions of the alcoholic probably wouldn't help. But it would be good for you.

Stressed 1

I am going to take the advice about the Al-anon meeting for me because honestly, I'm losing sleep over worrying about her. We have done a role change here. We talked for about 2 hours last night and she said "I know I have a drinking problem". It was music to my ears. She has never dealt with anything that has hurt her. She's the kind of person that people would call a door mat. Everytime I get her to open up about her mother or her best friend that died and she cries, that's normal. I used to work at a funeral home, so I guess I have an unbeliveable understanding of death. The problem is, she never dealt with it at all. She hasn't been to see her mother since. Overwhelming guilt isn't it? I have lose alot of family and best friend and some of it was drinking, drugs and disease. You never get over it, but some people move on. In the 2 days that I've joined this site, it's giving me the opportunity to see the other side. I think that everybody has an addiction to something, and reading some of the posts are helping me understand and vent all at the same time.

Sapphoness

You are a good daughter and it is hard to watch anyone you love suffer through this. You said you care for people for a living, doesn't it seem easier to this for others and so much harder when it is our own loved ones. You feel as though you don't know where to turn, what to say to make the difference. But you are trying to help your mom and in turn willing to help yourself. Good for you. Have you discused with your mom about grief counselling or talking with a therapist over issues that contribute to her drinking. Maybe if she knows you are willing to attend with her she may be more willing than AA or al anon. But you attending is a great idea. This site has so much wonderful advice an support. People have been to open and honest when you have questions and I know for me it has been a Godsend. I hope that it will be for you too.