EndOfRoadWife

herewegoagain-LOL! Funny I accuse him of having "split personalities", but If people sometimes read my posts, I'm sure I appear to have a split personality depending on which day I can't stand him and which day I love him! ha ha I guess for me just like Jekyll&Hyde, I like my husband's good side, his sober side, his sense of humour and good heart, his genorosity, his affection...I have trouble with his Dark side and would really like that side to just go away completely!!

Jessica- Do you ever like him on certain days or not at all ever?..

herewegoagain

endofroadwife - I know with my husband he'll be going along just fine, and then WHAM ! Do something completely out of left field...and I'm like "where the HELL did THAT come from ??" I don't know if you saw my "stupid fight" post the other day, but he got mad at me about ice cream. Perfect example of left-field stuff. I didn't like him very much that day, or for a day or two afterwards, lol.

JessicaNAJ

Wow - Thank you!! Of course, I don't see it that way. I think I'm a confused mess...

EndOfRoadWife

yEAH, that sounds like my husband..I can be happy with him (usually I am pretty happy with him if he is good, not drinking, not partying with friends) and about 8 weeks passed when he was good and we got into a minor argument and then BAMM! that set him off, so he went out with friends, then I'm back to square one where it takes me a while to even speak to him for that matter..I did "let it go" this week and he's been good this whole week (knock on wood)...

JessicaNAJ

Let's say there are days I can tolerate him. There are days I can get along with him. I did like him better when he was working his second job and really trying to pull things together for himself. But, the hours were too hard on him and just stopped going...no phone call to tell them, nothing.

I still struggle with the fact that I think he's a pervert (excuse my boldness). I think his mind revolves around sexual thoughts. That is very offensive to me and I think it's gross. I also have a problem with the fact that rarely does he do anything (meaning hard work) unless it benefits him. Like the swingset and the rocks on the hill. I had to B and moan to finally get him to help.

There are times though that he surprises me. He did clean my garage out a week after I asked him and he did put a door in the privacy fence and has volunteered to clean the cat cages for me. These are things that have happened recently....maybe my feelings will change......

oops...I got carried away. I have a hard time finding the positives (when it comes to him).

EndOfRoadWife

Jessica- certain days, certain weeks, I find a hard time too with positives, usually its if I'm mad at him over something..When I met him, though, 14 years ago, we were both 20, I fell madly in love with him and he is the biggest love of my life and probably always will be..I was so attracted to him, I actually still am attracted to him..(on days that I don't want to kill him that is)..ha Did you used to be in love with him?

GettingBy

LOL! That's the kind of stuff that our counselor said could be the death of our love! The fact that as women, things don't just blow up and blow over (like the dish of ice cream incident!). For men, they get mad, blow their fuse, walk away to cool down, and then it's pretty much over for THEM. Women need more than the blow up, they need acknowledgement, and an apology/reconcillation/whatever before they can let things settle. B and I were so stuck in the whole "my way or the highway" that we couldn't settle a single minor arguement let alone any of the big issues. There has to be a compromise on both sides. B has to give me some sort of closure/apology and I need to let some of the smaller stuff blow over.

GettingBy

I can really relate to this one. B seems to be turned on 24/7 and his hormones never seem to care that I may be completely po'ed. I get mad and frustrated and it gets me feeling like I'm just a sex object to him. I'm learning now that isn't really the case, those are just my feelings. For guys, sex is a way of expressing intimacy. Without sex, there is no intimacy for them. For women, without intimacy there is no SEX! LOL! That doesn't mean that I give in to his every sexual advance, but I've also learned that I can't keep shooting him down b/c that's very damaging to his feelings/ego. Now, having said that... B is not what I would call a sexual-deviant. And what I mean by that is that he's not obsessive about porn, strip clubs, other women, etc... if he was... I would not be as forgiving of his uninvited gropings. To each their own I guess. I know many women could give a rat's a$$ about strip clubs etc, but they bother me, as dones having porn in the house. I know it has alot to do with how my father acted, and I'm trying to teach myself some tolerance but it ain't happenin' over night!

Again, I think alot of men are the same way. They like to do things on their own time/schedule. As long as we are clear about our wants/needs, then we have to leave the rest up to them. Things may not happen when I WANT them to, but B usually does a good job of getting it done eventually. I try to not nag because I know I HATE when he nags me. Besides when I nag, he tells me I sound like his mother! YUCK!

Again, thanks for this thread! I think it's been a gift to all of us!

JessicaNAJ

If you would have asked me that three years ago, without hesitation I would have said yes. But since I've been doing all this thinking and working on me stuff, here's what I got.......

I met him when I was 15. He was the "image" I was attracted to. I was also very boy crazy at the time. I loved the attention I got from guys. So, when my ex-bf told me he was "checkin me out" I sent him a letter to call me. And he did. I was so excited.

Well, I had sex with him and it was my believe that the person i had sex with would be the one I married. I think I made myself love him. I was in love with the idea of being in love.

I cannot honestly answer that question because I honestly don't know.

EndOfRoadWife

Jessica- You did answer that honestly...15 is young too.. Maybe you didn't get the chance to date different people and maybe "that one" is still out there..

herewegoagain

Fortunately, we did talk a couple days ago. Turns out he wasn't upset about the ice cream (imagine that !). It sounded like he was upset by my telling him I'm thinking of starting Al-Anon meetings because I have a problem with his drinking and other choices. He doesn't want me to "categorize" him that way (as an addict). In essence I think it hurt his feelings, and even though he didn't admit to this, I think it seemed to him that I thought less of him - as a man, as a human being, and as my husband. I tried to reassure him that's not the case and was surprised at him for expressing some fears - he likes to present himself as being this very confident person.