sunshinebluesky

im not sure,but i think i hit my bottom this past monday when i pulled into his shop, after all the crap with the new girlfriend,our whole relationship,etc etc.....and he stood there smiling at me.(with the ugly ass doorag on his head). it was like-----everything he ever did or said, that cut me to the core,was ok.....all the effort he did not put into the relationship was ok........well,its not. i have nothing to be friendly about. i dont care about his problems he does nothing about,i dont care to know anything more about his life,i have no reason to laugh and smile with him, i just dont care.

Roxy88

Hi, I am usually over on the Naranon forum but saw this and I had to post.

My bottom to help myself was last December, I hated myself, my AH and anyone else who crossed my path. I wanted to die. I lost my mother 5 years ago, my father a year and a half ago. I had a miscarriage last June, and another in December. I married my AH last April, he had spent pretty much all of our wedding money on cocaine. I was broke, My heart hurt so much I felt like someone was physically squeezing the crap out of it. I had to do something. I came to this site, I started going to Alanon(no naranon in my area) I read every self help book I can get my hands on regarding codependency. That was my personal bottom and I truly believe if I had not gotten help when I did that I would not be here.

As for the "Bottom" with my AH, there have been a couple. Once I started MY recovery I realized I could not live in active addiction and kicked him out. He was gone for 2 months and then went to rehab and I let him come back. He came home on April 29 and has been in relapse for about 3 weeks now and I am again at my bottom, I am in the process of trying to get him out of my house. This time is for good, I am filling for seperation. I think maybe I had a lot of mini bottoms to prepare me for the real one.

Hugs
Roxy

humming bird

I really hit bottom about two weeks ago. I have going to see a Doctor about my anger towards my AH for a month or so.

My appointment was for 5:30pm when I got home at 6:45 there was nothing left inside the house to bust up. AH was angry because drunk friend
left to visit my AH's brother and left my AH all alone.

So at 6:45pm what little furniture I had left was smashed. AH was angry because I was at doctor's trying to help me learn how to live with AH. Drunk friend left he all alone to go to a better party. I finally left at 2:00 in the morning to go my safe haven Dunkin Doughnuts. Drank the coffee and ate the bagel in the Kmart parking lot next door. Hung out in the prking lot to about 4:30 and drove home.

AH was so angry he left me an angry note -he left for his other drunk friends house and said he just quit. He left and I have not let him back- it will be three weeks tomorrow.

His mother passed away this week and he was here the day she died . He was as drunk as a sunk. He was so mean (read my other posts).

Frankly, I am enjoying my life without him just because I am safe. I am safe again and that is all I can say. I am safe. I am sad, I am scared. I am scared because he is so mean when he is drunk. I do not want him to come to my house when he is drunk. So I am safe sometimes and scared a lot!!!

robina

My bottom?

Hearing about the life threatening episodes my daughter got into when she drank. Accepting that my alcoholic daughter might die the next time she has a binge and blacks out. Feeling sick every time the phone rang for fear it would be the police, asking me to come and identify her body.

She has been sober for a month now and I am working the Alanon program very hard. I go to three meetings a week and read the books every day. It helps me stay sane. Thank God for Alanon.

Robin

mushroom

I had a pretty bumpy ride to my bottom. Every day I went home in fear of what I would find - a dead body being the primary fear. Too many days wanting to just jump in the car and drive and drive and drive. Too many nights pacing the floor waiting for whatever law enforcement jurisdiction happened to find him this time, and then having to meet them at the ER. Sometimes I went and stayed with a friend when it got too bad. One week AH was just going all out with the drinking and dysfunction. He tried to get back into detox but no beds were available. I told my friends I might be staying with them that weekend. Friday eve I come home and AH is gone along with his overnight bag, but no note anywhere, and his parents hadn't heard from him - he was supposed to call them if he got called in to detox while I was at school. So I was hoping he'd got into detox and decided to drive himself there (80 miles one way through very heavy Seattle/Bellevue traffic - great idea when you're drunk!). I was just settling in for the night when the phone rings - State Patrol - he's been picked up on a DUI. His truck is totalled - 3rd vehicle totalled in less than a year. He could easily have killed someone, or burned up in his truck. That was it. I called my friends and said I'd be at their house soon as I was done dealing with AH. I drove through an ice storm to get out of there and I HATE icy roads but I was NOT staying there anymore. I stayed with them til I had a rental agreement signed on a place of my own. Once out on my own I finally broke down and started going to Alanon meetings. I have not yet filed for divorce though - guess there's still a little bit of a ride to go before I get there.