elizabeth1979

Dry drunk behavior makes it easier for me to separate plain old selfish behavior from full blown addictive selfishness. I love the alcoholic in my life, but do not know why I love him.

Even though he is not drinking, he is not working. He was fired for mouthing off to a manager. This is something he would have never done when drinking, becuase he would have had a buzz and it would have rolled off his back when the manager started in.

While not drinking, he is not sleeping in our bedroom, but sleeps on the couch. He used to do this while drinking, but I thought it was because he was always passing out in that spot. Maybe he just doesnt like sleeping with me.

While drinking, he would scream and rant and rave and become angry over anything that involved me going anywhere without him (Except work). He said that was becuase he as drunk. No, it was not, because he still does it..but now its becuase I am a "**** and will cheat".

Bottom line I guess is that he is not changing. Not one bit. The alcohol is gone, but the behavior is not and while he says one thing he does something else. I would be interested to hear any unofficial polls from you guys who have left AFTER they sobered up. Seems this kind of behavior leaves me with nothing to blame for his actions....nothing but him.

meli2005

Did he go into a treatment cetner to stop drinking?

Drinking is just a symptom of a bigger problem. You can solve the alcoholism, but still be left with other problems.

Sounds really tough for you right now.

quietsins

i found out the hard way my exA was just a selfish *******. outside of alcoholism... he just is that way. very selfish. and that takes work to change.. if he is unwilling to change. i was unwilling to stay.

there are millions of men out there who know how to treat women. and we dont have to put up with bad behavior. it only speaks for our own self esteem level that we tolerate it.

good luck
quietsins

best

It took me moving out and getting the proverbial 2 by 4 off the back of my head to wake up from my selfish, jealous, behaviors.

There is hope. I am proof that there can be change.
Could happen tomorrow, could happen 100 tomorrows from now.
Deal with your happiness and when he sees it, he may want the same.
What an ugly side of my life. I am glad to be recovering from it.

Till he recovers, live for you.

Cynay

*raises her hand*

I posted here once that I liked him better when he drank... and parts of that is true.

Mine left me after 30 days sober, I started to see him again in March, Nothing had changed... then just last week he Loved me on Monday, asked about second chances on Tues and then told me he was going back to his ex-wife on Wed. I hope this helps you to see that they really dont have any Idea what they want and Im convienced that he is still in that fog they talk about.... and he has been sober 7 months.

I dont have alot of good advise for you, you have to decide what you can live with and what you want. I cant live in his chaos. So its a no contact for me.

best

Actions over time was how my wife knew. She had seen the changes over time, not just a week or two.
Hope is a good thing but a balance of realistic will say...let time be the judge.