Impatience....

Old 05-31-2005, 03:27 AM
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Impatience....

Yup - that's me, impatient. I walk quickly, do two things at once, can't bear it when people faff with their handbag before pulling away from the last petrol pump, don't want a dishwasher because the thought of having to 'wait' for it to finish sends me potty - I know I'd have washed them by hand three times over in that time. I'm hopelessly impatient.

That's the feeling I have with D drinking. I trust him, no certainties but enough trust to feel at ease that he will realise whatever he has to in his own time BUT I want his own time to hurry up!!

I know there's a part of me even wanting him to get on with it and drink more, (you have no idea how bad I feel about that - but honestly I know it's there), I want him to know, I want him to see, NOW, tomorrow, preferably today!! And I know that all of that is just my impatience.

I'm very familiar with feeling impatient, I mean the non-appropriate form. Does it matter if I wait 3 mins for someone to sort their bag out before driving off? NO - it doesn't, my feelings of impatience are inappropriate.

Is D's drinking effecting my life? Not apart from that same familiar feeling of impatience. Is there a need for him to get to the 'I quit' stage sooner? Actually I believe it does need to be in his time, I'd possibly think differently if he was downing a bottle a day of whiskey but he isn't, it's only just about creeping to the 2-3 pint a night stage. I think he needs this time, in some ways I think friends seeing the problem for themselves will be a bonus. His and their strengthened bonds will certainly help. For me I know it's better that it comes from him and isn't hurried along just because I want it yesterday, for me the stability of it being his dicision I think will pay dividends.

Now any ideas how I can stop this feeling of ruddy impatience??
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Old 05-31-2005, 04:18 AM
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No wise words from me. I have the same problem only with my husband's dry drunk stage. I consider waiting at the gas pump "time for me." LOL
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Old 05-31-2005, 04:32 AM
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Hey Equus...being impatient (I share that with you) isn't going to change it. I went into recovery when the Beav was 16 years old and he still drinks today at 30. I was particularly impatient when he was in rehab or the first time in jail. But after a couple more rehabs and jail times...he still drinks.

I can be a force to be reckoned with but this alcohol thing? It showed me in no uncertain terms that I am not the one running the show.

Hugs,
JT
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Old 05-31-2005, 04:48 AM
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I tend to be too patient but, I am pretty good a pushing the envelope though maybe that is my impatiences rearing it's ugly head....
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Old 05-31-2005, 05:03 AM
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Equus - I guess the impatience is all part and parcel of the whole process...but I can surely appreciate where you are coming from. I am one of these people that wants something done WHEN I WANT IT DONE !! No Faffing - just do it. Unfortunately things don't always work out like that. Try to slow yourself down and try no to let it get to you
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Old 05-31-2005, 05:03 AM
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I can be a force to be reckoned with but this alcohol thing? It showed me in no uncertain terms that I am not the one running the show.
That's the irrational bit, if I thought for even a second I might be in control of his drinking, I probably would be hurrying things along. As it is I know I'm not and it's my own impatience causing me discomfort.

How do you grow patience? I'm good at taking 'switched off' time for me, great at putting my feet up for an hour or two, because that's what I want for that time. My problem is when I have to wait for something - when I want to get to the next stage but am being held up.

It bugs the hell out of me knowing this feeling comes from inside and really doesn't serve any purpose.
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Old 05-31-2005, 05:06 AM
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I only get impatient about things that I think are in my control. Once I have fully accepted that they aren't, then my impatience disappears into thin air.
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Old 05-31-2005, 05:07 AM
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Hi Equus

Got all those pebbles bagged yet:sweat!!!!!!

Know where you're coming from, got similar probs!
My guy keeps telling me he can get back *ontrack*.
From his past history that he's told me, and what his parents have told me too,I know he can.
But why can't it be NOW!!!!!!
The thing is, that it's not just his A that makes him this way, he's the same in other area's
He's ex R.A.F., been used to discipline, *hopping to it*etc and now I think he's rebelling.
Takes an hour in the shower.
ALL afternoon to cook sphagetti bolognaise.
45mins to mow the lawn ( 4mtrs square!)
Could write a list a mile long.
I have to metaphoricaly tie my hands behind my back and sew a zipper on my mouth every day or I would send my blood pressure up!! ( got heart problems, not good for it!!) and think of all his good points.
I,m trying to count my blessings today.
After being on such a downer because of his health, I put into practice some of what I've learned here.
I stopped *making* him take his vits/meds.
He took them HIMSELF!
I stopped *making* him eat.
He ate 2 meals yesterday NO prompting.
I stopped *making* him take care of himself (he gets sloppy when he's drinking)
He showered (yes 1hr) and changed his clothes.

Amazed it worked!!
Only been on this forum 5days and I'm finding it invaluable!!!

Again Equus, I know whats working for me, channeling my impatience into other things (weeding! this sticky keyboard!) and keeping it away from my fella because hindering his recovery hinders my peace of mind.
Take care
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Old 05-31-2005, 05:24 AM
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I only get impatient about things that I think are in my control. Once I have fully accepted that they aren't, then my impatience disappears into thin air.
I think of it as appropriate where I can change stuff so I don't worry. It's the flipping stuff I KNOW I can't change that winds me up - like people who sit in their car changing the batteries in their cd player while you wait for their space. There's not a damn thing you can do (I'm not a horn blower). ARGH!!! Or the traffic jam which short of a friendly helicopter with big magnet attached I'm going to have to sit through.

Got all those pebbles bagged yet!!!!!!
Yep!! And the plants are in AND still alive!!

I don't nag D about drinking and stuff, and I think it's that totally backed off approach which makes me sense the impatience. Like not hitting the horn in my car I can control my behaviour, I don't get road rage or tailgate slow drivers but I still wish I didn't feel so bugged by stuff not happening at my speed.

Funny you mention your hubby was in the RAF - D went to a Merchant Navy college!!
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Old 05-31-2005, 06:01 AM
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Originally Posted by equus
like people who sit in their car changing the batteries in their cd player while you wait for their space. There's not a damn thing you can do (I'm not a horn blower). ARGH!!! Or the traffic jam which short of a friendly helicopter with big magnet attached I'm going to have to sit through.
LOLOLOL! How many times I've fantasized about that! We share a fantasy world.
:great
Apart from that, no words of wisdom, I'm really impatient to the point of only visiting Disneyland Paris in freezing winter so I don't waste my life in queues.

I have today had proof that sitting storms out, and at least pretending to myself that I'm patient, works.
A manipulative business partner is no more, and it's been done so that my partner and I are a united front, best friends. If I'd pushed the point all hell would have broken loose. Not only that but she's gone back to her AA group friends, met with healthy, previously neglected friends and although I'm trying not to get my hopes up, might even go to a meeting tonight!

HOOORAY!!!!!!

You'll hate me for this - but good things do come to those who wait.

thanks for making me laugh today

Jane
xxx
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Old 05-31-2005, 06:30 AM
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When it comes to sitting storms out I invariabley get wet!! Most people wait for rain to pass before a visit to the shops - not me, and get this, I'm even too inpatient to use an umbrella, they annoy me because I have to faff putting them down to go in the shop - then dry them at home. That's me, the one with wet hair!!

I know you didn't mean literally though and it is good to hear stuff sorting itself out.

Actually this is helping, I'm sat here giggling at myself.....
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Old 05-31-2005, 06:38 AM
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i don't even like wearing shoes with laces, and I HATE watching people do things one way when there's a much faster, efficient way I know of lolol. I'm a nightmare!
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Old 05-31-2005, 08:03 AM
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equus - i am glad there are others out there with the "impatience gene" altho i must say i have toned it down a bit since starting recovery.
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