meli2005

This has been a very trying time for me. Husband finally admitted he was an alcoholic and went into a treatment center voluntarily. Then after a week decided he did not want to stay at the treatment center and left against medical advice. he said he is not ready to quit alcohol right now and needs to get sicker before he can go back for more treatment. He drinks on average 8-12 drinks a night and a lot of times he will pass out on the floor or the couch.

So anyway, he decided it would be best for us to live in separate households now. I personally think it is so he will not have to listen to me talk to him about his drinking habits, etc. He said he wants control over his life and does not want to be "mothered" by me.

I am leaning towards divorce most likely, don't see the drinking getting any better and I have a one year old son to think about now. He is not serious obviously about treatment.

Moving into a new place for himself says how selfish he is and it is basically like leaving your family.

Anyone have any opinions or been thru a similiar situation before. Alcoholism sucks. Terrible disease.

He says he now feels happier living without me. I think it is a cover-up for his drinking which he seems very intent on continuing.

splendra

((((meli))))

I think whatever his motivations are perhaps you are better off not having to live with his active addiction. Take this time to take care of your needs and to make your life the way you want it to be.

I hope you will check out alanon meetings in your area they can help you change your thinking in a way that you can move forward reguardless of what your H does with his life. It is okay to still love him and to pray for him too.. and keep posting here and let us help support you too.

Sapphoness

I feel for you!!! and I can relate to your story. I have a child under two years and an alcoholic husband who binge drinks.
He went into treatment and completed 2 weeks so far, with one week left. I feared he would leave too, as drinking was priority number one, next to his friends. But, he is sticking it out and says even though he will be in situations with his music that drinking will be around him, he has the tools to resist now. I still fear!!! Even though he is trying, I can't stop thinking that things will return to the way they were.
I think your husband took the first step by admitting his problem and seeking treatment. Hopefully he will finish that treatment soon. I think you are right, he wants his own place to do what he wants to do free of responsibilty and guilt. Do you think he can make it on his own without your support? Do you still love him and want to support him? Do you still have dialogue? Or have you resigned yourself to sever the relationship? It isn't easy to watch someone destroy their life, employment, family , home and you. You have think what is best for you and your child and is there a possibility that he will recognize how important you both are to him as well.
My prayers are with you.

Savana 54

I was in the exact same situation. XAbf decided to leave last week on his own. The last time I kicked him out. He was only back for a week and a half and decided he wanted to go back to work where he travels. I think he left because he wants to be able to drink heavily and not have to deal with me. He feels to much guilt when I'm in the picture.

I see him getting so very sick and progressing through his disease quickly. The 10 days that he was home we had some very good times, so it really makes me scratch my head and wonder why he would decide to up and leave me the way that he did. I know another women isn't involoved. He also enjoys gambling and I'm not talking in moderation! He did write me a letter before he left saying how I don't deserve him.

Oh well, never again; I will never take him back.

Take care of yourself and your child. Your child is what matters most now.

(((((((((((((())))))))))))))

minnie

Why would you, when he says things like this?
I'm afraid that he seems to be telling you all you need to know to accept the separation and create a new life for yourself. I understand how hard this is - believe me, many of us have had to come to the same conclusion without the luxury of our partners saying it directly.

This is his twisted thinking talking to you, by the sounds of things and no counter-argument from you is going to penetrate it. Please think of yourself and your son and take this opportunity to make a good life for yourselves. Who know what'll happen in the future? He may hit his bottom and get into recovery. Or he may not. Whatever happens, you can be OK. More than OK.

Take care, hon.

Love

Minnie
xxx

gelfling

Of course he's happier. He doesn't feel the need to be a responsible adult. You're gone and in his mind, you were holding him back. Now he can drink to his hearts' content. And not hear you. So imagine he's sick...not the alcoholism. They whine and act like babies and want us to take care of them. With this disease, don't want help. The insanity of it all.

Please seek help for yourself. Start with alanon. He maybe doing you a favor by leaving. From what I've read on this forum, everyone seems to think it's wonderful not having to worry about them and having peace and freedom.

meli2005

Thanks everyone for your advice. I really appreciate it.