Enabling GF of a Married Man
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Southern Wisconsin
Posts: 378
Regret?
I did at first regret that I put down the info about the married part. Now that I see the responses i am glad that I did. I am sure I am not the only one out there who is in my situation. And obviously some women who are married to an an A have experienced being cheated on. Maybe those who have can get some insight into how this happens. Maybe realize that it's just another facet of the disease. Trying to find someone they think understands them. So in my situation you can be assured that they only go on to hurt another with their disease. That it's not the wife's fault. Their AH has strayed in a quest to stay sick. And when the OW realizes this she is in the same boat as the wife. Personally I hope that this event pushes her to heal herself as well. Though I see no signs of this. I'd hate to see them back together without recovery. I fear that they will go on forever in this sick life and raise a sick family and continue the cycle for another generation. I am trying (not too successfully) to let go of the worry.
Let go and let God
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: illinois
Posts: 116
Originally Posted by sketscher
I did at first regret that I put down the info about the married part. Now that I see the responses i am glad that I did. I am sure I am not the only one out there who is in my situation. And obviously some women who are married to an an A have experienced being cheated on. Maybe those who have can get some insight into how this happens. Maybe realize that it's just another facet of the disease. Trying to find someone they think understands them. So in my situation you can be assured that they only go on to hurt another with their disease. That it's not the wife's fault. Their AH has strayed in a quest to stay sick. And when the OW realizes this she is in the same boat as the wife. Personally I hope that this event pushes her to heal herself as well. Though I see no signs of this. I'd hate to see them back together without recovery. I fear that they will go on forever in this sick life and raise a sick family and continue the cycle for another generation. I am trying (not too successfully) to let go of the worry.
Keep coming back
Jeff
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Originally Posted by sketscher
obviously some women who are married to an an A have experienced being cheated on. Maybe those who have can get some insight into how this happens. Maybe realize that it's just another facet of the disease. Trying to find someone they think understands them. So in my situation you can be assured that they only go on to hurt another with their disease. That it's not the wife's fault. Their AH has strayed in a quest to stay sick. And when the OW realizes this she is in the same boat as the wife. Personally I hope that this event pushes her to heal herself as well.
I admire your willingness to discuss your situation open and honestly.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In the mountain air
Posts: 1,345
Originally Posted by Splendra
Sket did put that she is involved with a married man in the title of her thread. I wantto support her in recovery but, she could have merely said "her boyfriend" rather than bring up the married part. To me it indicates that she does not mind us expressing thoughts about the married part.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Well ....(((((trisha))))) I know she ought not be judged but, relationship is a very big issue amoung recovering people. We are all doing the best we can I think and honesty of feelings and being able to admit our situation helps other to give us the kind of feed back that shows the worlds attitudes right here in black in white. This is a very safe place for this kind of stuff to be brought to peace and sent back to void of nothingness from which it came...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: north carolina
Posts: 365
when i think about my ex being with another woman this is what i think....and it probably applies to the married a guys who cheat......a woman that stays with him after initially seeing how much he drinks,which shouldnt take long in most cases......will be either 1--someone trying to give him the benefit of the doubt,and hangs in like i did,only to find its not gonna get better,and theres other less obvious affects...only to leave him like i did...........2----someone who is an enabling codependent,and is settling for whatever reasons...or 3----someone who drinks or drugs as much as him,and thats just a whole lot of trouble coming on.
im sure the a's who cheat go out looking exactly for these three types without even realizing it,because they want acceptance of their behaviors.
im sure the a's who cheat go out looking exactly for these three types without even realizing it,because they want acceptance of their behaviors.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Last October when I made my first post on SoberRecovery, I was welcomed with open arms. The people here reached out with kindness, understanding, compassion, and love. I came here in my hour of need, one of the lowest points of my life. I asked a group of strangers who shared a common problem to help me get to a better place. Not one of them turned me away. Not one of them judged me. And if they had, it would have crushed me in my fragile condition.
Over these past months, I've learned a lot from my friends here at SoberRecovery, and I've made a few discoveries myself. It seems to me that nearly all of us here who find ourselves living peacefully with, formerly living with, or still tolerating life with an alcoholic all tend to share a common problem: lack of self esteem.
Lack of self esteem drives us to do things that we normally wouldn't do, to settle for situations and behaviors that others wouldn't even consider. Whether you're like me, and you have struggled with a life-long weight problem--and you feel like nobody would want you and thus you settle for a relationship with an alcoholic or a married man--or you feel ugly, unattractive, stupid, unlikeable, unworthy of love, or you simply feel like you're an outcast in society and you don't fit in--makes no difference. The end result is the same. Those of us who for whatever reason don't love ourselves feel unworthy of a healthy relationship, unworthy of a good job, unworthy of love, and we tend to settle for something less.
We realize the person we're falling in love with is likely an alcoholic, or unable to hold a steady job, or a "player," or even married. Deep down we know that these individuals are far from the partners of our dreams, but we convince ourselves that we're unworthy of a better partner. How can anyone love us when we don't love ourselves? How can anyone think we're intelligent, attractive, likable, and worthy of love when we don't believe that ourselves?
So we settle. We convince ourselves that, "yes, he may be an alcoholic or he may be a married man, but at least he's better than having no man." We worry that if we don't have a partner that society will think what we already know about ourselves: that we're unworthy of love, that we're unworthy of a healthy relationship.
So we fool ourselves. We believe that if we wait for a solid relationship with a healthy partner that we may be alone for the rest of our lives. If we believe this to be true, so it will be. So we jump from one bad relationship to another. We try an alcoholic--or two--and when that fails we might even move on to a relationship with a married person.
It's not about stealing someone's partner. It's not about hurting the other family. Whether it's a relationship with an alcoholic or a relationship with a married man, it's not about hurting others. It's about making ourselves feel better. It's about showing the world "see, I can attract a partner, too. I AM worthy of love." And so we move from one unavailable partner to the next, until we learn to love ourselves. Until we learn that we ARE attractive. We ARE likable. We ARE worthy of a good job, a nice home, a comitted relationship with a healthy parther whom we can count on.
When I came to SoberRecovery, I was that woman. I was Sketscher. I was in need of friends. I was in need of compassion. I was in need of understanding. I was in need of hope.
Thank goodness on that night I received all that from my friends at SoberRecovery and more. And today, my alcoholic boyfriend of 23 years is no longer a part of my life. Today I'm learning to like myself. Today I'm realizing that, darn it, I AM attractive. I DO deserve a healthy, comitted relationship. I DO deserve a good job and friends I can count on. And I'm working hard to make sure that I never settle again.
But I wouldn't be where I am today if I had been shunned, judged, turned away, or treated harshly. If I had received some of the responses that I've read here tonight, it would have confirmed what I knew deep in my soul at that time, that I was unworthy of love and I was unworthy of compassion.
Thank goodness Sketscher is a much stronger woman than I. That she was strong enough to keep coming back. I would not have been. It would have hurt me deeply and I would have never returned.
None of us is without sin. None of us is without fault. Individually we may be weak, but together we are strong. The old addage "united we stand, divided we fall" comes to mind here. This is a place for recovery, not judgment.
So tonight Sketscher, I ask you to forgive those who treated you harshly. Those who do not understand because perhaps they've never walked in your shoes and those who have had similar relationships but still dare not speak of them. Tonight I welcome you to SoberRecovery. You ARE loved, you ARE worthy, you deserve to be treated with kindness and compassion, and you deserve to participate in this forum without judgment.
Welcome to SoberRecovery.
Over these past months, I've learned a lot from my friends here at SoberRecovery, and I've made a few discoveries myself. It seems to me that nearly all of us here who find ourselves living peacefully with, formerly living with, or still tolerating life with an alcoholic all tend to share a common problem: lack of self esteem.
Lack of self esteem drives us to do things that we normally wouldn't do, to settle for situations and behaviors that others wouldn't even consider. Whether you're like me, and you have struggled with a life-long weight problem--and you feel like nobody would want you and thus you settle for a relationship with an alcoholic or a married man--or you feel ugly, unattractive, stupid, unlikeable, unworthy of love, or you simply feel like you're an outcast in society and you don't fit in--makes no difference. The end result is the same. Those of us who for whatever reason don't love ourselves feel unworthy of a healthy relationship, unworthy of a good job, unworthy of love, and we tend to settle for something less.
We realize the person we're falling in love with is likely an alcoholic, or unable to hold a steady job, or a "player," or even married. Deep down we know that these individuals are far from the partners of our dreams, but we convince ourselves that we're unworthy of a better partner. How can anyone love us when we don't love ourselves? How can anyone think we're intelligent, attractive, likable, and worthy of love when we don't believe that ourselves?
So we settle. We convince ourselves that, "yes, he may be an alcoholic or he may be a married man, but at least he's better than having no man." We worry that if we don't have a partner that society will think what we already know about ourselves: that we're unworthy of love, that we're unworthy of a healthy relationship.
So we fool ourselves. We believe that if we wait for a solid relationship with a healthy partner that we may be alone for the rest of our lives. If we believe this to be true, so it will be. So we jump from one bad relationship to another. We try an alcoholic--or two--and when that fails we might even move on to a relationship with a married person.
It's not about stealing someone's partner. It's not about hurting the other family. Whether it's a relationship with an alcoholic or a relationship with a married man, it's not about hurting others. It's about making ourselves feel better. It's about showing the world "see, I can attract a partner, too. I AM worthy of love." And so we move from one unavailable partner to the next, until we learn to love ourselves. Until we learn that we ARE attractive. We ARE likable. We ARE worthy of a good job, a nice home, a comitted relationship with a healthy parther whom we can count on.
When I came to SoberRecovery, I was that woman. I was Sketscher. I was in need of friends. I was in need of compassion. I was in need of understanding. I was in need of hope.
Thank goodness on that night I received all that from my friends at SoberRecovery and more. And today, my alcoholic boyfriend of 23 years is no longer a part of my life. Today I'm learning to like myself. Today I'm realizing that, darn it, I AM attractive. I DO deserve a healthy, comitted relationship. I DO deserve a good job and friends I can count on. And I'm working hard to make sure that I never settle again.
But I wouldn't be where I am today if I had been shunned, judged, turned away, or treated harshly. If I had received some of the responses that I've read here tonight, it would have confirmed what I knew deep in my soul at that time, that I was unworthy of love and I was unworthy of compassion.
Thank goodness Sketscher is a much stronger woman than I. That she was strong enough to keep coming back. I would not have been. It would have hurt me deeply and I would have never returned.
None of us is without sin. None of us is without fault. Individually we may be weak, but together we are strong. The old addage "united we stand, divided we fall" comes to mind here. This is a place for recovery, not judgment.
So tonight Sketscher, I ask you to forgive those who treated you harshly. Those who do not understand because perhaps they've never walked in your shoes and those who have had similar relationships but still dare not speak of them. Tonight I welcome you to SoberRecovery. You ARE loved, you ARE worthy, you deserve to be treated with kindness and compassion, and you deserve to participate in this forum without judgment.
Welcome to SoberRecovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Southern Wisconsin
Posts: 378
Wow
All of your words of support are greatly helping me right now. This is it. A new beginging for me. It's taken months of this trip to hell to realize that I needed to come to a place like this. For if it had not been him it would have been another perhaps single A. I have had a horrible day of ups and downs. Been on this site several times. It's finally getting through to me that I do indeed need help. It's time for me to think about myself.
I just returned from trying to leave a heart-felt letter in his car. After reading some very eye-opening literature on co-dependents I felt the need to address this with him. To explain why I felt the need to give up trying to adapt to his world. I was very careful not to blame him at all though maybe I should. But being the sick person I am I still hoped there was chance for us to heal and one day be together.
Well guess what. His car was not there and I am certain I know where it was. He has returned to his wife. This after coming to my house this afternoon and having me rub his feet and then kissing me goodbye.
I feel like an absolute fool! I feel such hatred towards him right now. On the drive home I realized what a true liar he is. How really sick he is. How he could leave me under the pretense of trying to stand on his own then actually punish me for trying to let him. And now he returns to her as sick as ever to bring his misery back to his family.
I have a sick feeling in my stomach but what all of you have said is helping me understand that this is an opportunity to really recover myself. Without your words and tonights event I may have only half-heartedly looked for this.
I no longer feel responsible for his actions. I no longer feel guilty. I do unfortunately feel hate at the moment. And I do feel foolish. I have some wish to be able to really hurt him. To let him know that I know where he was but I think he in time he will see that what he is trying to do without recovery is going to be painful enough. He'll probably apologize to me once he admits he is going back. And I will know that he will be sorry because he'll never be happy with anyone as sick as he is.
What should I say to him? Anybody? Or should I just politely tell him I'm not a storage unit come get your furniture out of my house.
I just returned from trying to leave a heart-felt letter in his car. After reading some very eye-opening literature on co-dependents I felt the need to address this with him. To explain why I felt the need to give up trying to adapt to his world. I was very careful not to blame him at all though maybe I should. But being the sick person I am I still hoped there was chance for us to heal and one day be together.
Well guess what. His car was not there and I am certain I know where it was. He has returned to his wife. This after coming to my house this afternoon and having me rub his feet and then kissing me goodbye.
I feel like an absolute fool! I feel such hatred towards him right now. On the drive home I realized what a true liar he is. How really sick he is. How he could leave me under the pretense of trying to stand on his own then actually punish me for trying to let him. And now he returns to her as sick as ever to bring his misery back to his family.
I have a sick feeling in my stomach but what all of you have said is helping me understand that this is an opportunity to really recover myself. Without your words and tonights event I may have only half-heartedly looked for this.
I no longer feel responsible for his actions. I no longer feel guilty. I do unfortunately feel hate at the moment. And I do feel foolish. I have some wish to be able to really hurt him. To let him know that I know where he was but I think he in time he will see that what he is trying to do without recovery is going to be painful enough. He'll probably apologize to me once he admits he is going back. And I will know that he will be sorry because he'll never be happy with anyone as sick as he is.
What should I say to him? Anybody? Or should I just politely tell him I'm not a storage unit come get your furniture out of my house.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Canada.....Eh?
Posts: 54
Hi there sketscher,
In regards to your last question there, my advice to you would be just move on. I know that you have strong feelings for him, but in all honesty he is married and an alcoholic. You need to ask yourself if you are prepared to put up with his "baggage??" Do you really think that he is going to leave his wife?? stop drinking??? I think that only you can make the choice but in my opinion you should move on and start looking after yourself.
Best Wishes, please keep us posted
In regards to your last question there, my advice to you would be just move on. I know that you have strong feelings for him, but in all honesty he is married and an alcoholic. You need to ask yourself if you are prepared to put up with his "baggage??" Do you really think that he is going to leave his wife?? stop drinking??? I think that only you can make the choice but in my opinion you should move on and start looking after yourself.
Best Wishes, please keep us posted
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Anaheim,CA
Posts: 549
But, seek some guidance on your journey away from him.
Read all you can. Al-anon. I have learned that you can apply the "tools" I learn to almost any problem. You want to learn how to be the best YOU you can be. You don't want to attract another A...or another married man...or another anyone who, as my sister would say, would grow a third head!
Realize he has a wife...he has you...he has his alcohol...in his mind, he's got it all. You welcomed him today. She must have as well. He took a VOW TO GOD to honor her. She KNOWS he has not done so. Yet he's with her. You knew he was married. You welcomed him anyway. This is NOT an attack, this is reality.
Maybe the "lesson" this relationship is offering is one of self-care. You deserve better. His wife deserves better. LEARN from this. Keep coming back! Attend some meetings. READ READ READ. Seek what you deserve.
Love. Respect. Comfort.
Oh, and what to say? How about...don't let the door hit you...oh wait.
Let me try that again. How about this:
HIS NAME, I made a mistake. One, you're a married man. You have a wife, a family and I should not be in the middle of that. Two, I have a problem with your alcoholism. It may be okay with you but I have difficulties with it.
Three and most importantly, I deserve better. I deserve love and respect. I want a partner who will love me unconditionally and I want to be cherished and cherish him as much. I wish you nothing but happiness but I want you to never contact me again.
And then you shut the door on him...both in reality and in your heart.
Tough? Yes. Necessary? What do you think?
Read all you can. Al-anon. I have learned that you can apply the "tools" I learn to almost any problem. You want to learn how to be the best YOU you can be. You don't want to attract another A...or another married man...or another anyone who, as my sister would say, would grow a third head!
Realize he has a wife...he has you...he has his alcohol...in his mind, he's got it all. You welcomed him today. She must have as well. He took a VOW TO GOD to honor her. She KNOWS he has not done so. Yet he's with her. You knew he was married. You welcomed him anyway. This is NOT an attack, this is reality.
Maybe the "lesson" this relationship is offering is one of self-care. You deserve better. His wife deserves better. LEARN from this. Keep coming back! Attend some meetings. READ READ READ. Seek what you deserve.
Love. Respect. Comfort.
Oh, and what to say? How about...don't let the door hit you...oh wait.
Let me try that again. How about this:
HIS NAME, I made a mistake. One, you're a married man. You have a wife, a family and I should not be in the middle of that. Two, I have a problem with your alcoholism. It may be okay with you but I have difficulties with it.
Three and most importantly, I deserve better. I deserve love and respect. I want a partner who will love me unconditionally and I want to be cherished and cherish him as much. I wish you nothing but happiness but I want you to never contact me again.
And then you shut the door on him...both in reality and in your heart.
Tough? Yes. Necessary? What do you think?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Southern Wisconsin
Posts: 378
done with him
hey (((Walking)))
Thank you for suggestion. I love what you wrote. I may even print that out. I HAVE closed he door on him in my heart and opened it to God and the commitment to change myself. Right now I am packing up some of his stuff. The no contact thing is right now impossible since I also work at the same company as he. But that doesn't matter really. My co-workers, though they don't know the details, are actually a great source of support. They warned me of his real problem and have told me that I deserve better. Being around him along with them will eventually be ok. It will give me a great sense of strength to be able to show him and know myself that he did not break me. I'd like to nail him to the cross as he used to accuse me of but I know that would not help my healing. When I speak the message never registers because he is so full of self pity and depression and completely ill with his disease.
Though I am very filled with sorrow right now I am also incredibly grateful to finally begin to see what is wrong with me. So for this I thank you wonderful people and God, and this experience. This is my rock bottom. This is a revelation. It is one of my most profound moments.
Thank you for suggestion. I love what you wrote. I may even print that out. I HAVE closed he door on him in my heart and opened it to God and the commitment to change myself. Right now I am packing up some of his stuff. The no contact thing is right now impossible since I also work at the same company as he. But that doesn't matter really. My co-workers, though they don't know the details, are actually a great source of support. They warned me of his real problem and have told me that I deserve better. Being around him along with them will eventually be ok. It will give me a great sense of strength to be able to show him and know myself that he did not break me. I'd like to nail him to the cross as he used to accuse me of but I know that would not help my healing. When I speak the message never registers because he is so full of self pity and depression and completely ill with his disease.
Though I am very filled with sorrow right now I am also incredibly grateful to finally begin to see what is wrong with me. So for this I thank you wonderful people and God, and this experience. This is my rock bottom. This is a revelation. It is one of my most profound moments.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Canada
Posts: 727
Hey Sketcher,the way he treats his wife,he will treat you..The marriage isn't over until all the papers are signed,so anything can happen,with this couple.This will continue until he gets help.Actions speak louder and clearer than words do.You say that maybe realize that its just another facet of the disease.No,there are 2 different things going on here..One is drinking{alcoholic?} the other has nothing to do with alcoholism.its a charator defect.If a drunken hose thief gets sober,what is left?A sober horse thief..Until inner changes are made,nothing changes...So enough about him.
You my dear are just to worthy a person to be in this situation.This is the type of situation that makes one feel yuky about themselves,inside.Recovery is all about changing ourselves.Once you start recovery you will begin to learn why you get into this kind of "stuff",why i got into stuff.,too.Your recovery learning about you.All about you.Your part.There is a whole new world out there for you,just waiting for you to partispate in.You don't need to be in this.Being in love,is not a good enough reason,to put yourself in harms way.The harm of no self-love.The harm done to you with this married man.Hands off,let go.You deserve better.The harm of letting another control the strings of your very life.Take the strings back.Start anew.Make new healther friends.How?You can beging by going to al-anon.Where the folks there have been where you are now,and have found recovery,one day at a time.I usually don't give out advice.I do break my own rule from time to time.You are worth so much more,than being in this type of situation.Ahe,leave da married folks to their own misery,,lol.
My prayers for you,to find the strenght,courage to change your life.Recovery is all about changing.
You my dear are just to worthy a person to be in this situation.This is the type of situation that makes one feel yuky about themselves,inside.Recovery is all about changing ourselves.Once you start recovery you will begin to learn why you get into this kind of "stuff",why i got into stuff.,too.Your recovery learning about you.All about you.Your part.There is a whole new world out there for you,just waiting for you to partispate in.You don't need to be in this.Being in love,is not a good enough reason,to put yourself in harms way.The harm of no self-love.The harm done to you with this married man.Hands off,let go.You deserve better.The harm of letting another control the strings of your very life.Take the strings back.Start anew.Make new healther friends.How?You can beging by going to al-anon.Where the folks there have been where you are now,and have found recovery,one day at a time.I usually don't give out advice.I do break my own rule from time to time.You are worth so much more,than being in this type of situation.Ahe,leave da married folks to their own misery,,lol.
My prayers for you,to find the strenght,courage to change your life.Recovery is all about changing.
Last edited by Cap3; 05-31-2005 at 05:41 AM. Reason: Post
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Southern Wisconsin
Posts: 378
so moved
I am deeply touched by this outpouring of support. I just got back from leaving a bunch of his stuff in his car at work along with a "goodbye" note. Using most of the words that "walkingtheline" posted as a suggestion. It feels really good to begin to heal. To accept that I did make grave mistakes but now I can see the reason that this happened to me. And I am beginning to have such an awakening as to why I allowed this to happen and what I can start to do to make the changes from within. It's not my fault or my responsibility to understand why he chose to do this to his family and to me. It's now my responsibility to understand why I allowed it. And to never again let it happen. The things I have read so far about being a co-dependant has been so helpful. I can't even express the feeling I got when I read it. It was shocking to read and to say yes... that's me.
I am sure most of you suspect that this is a pattern for me. Not the married man part. But choosing partners that don't live up to my expectations. This was my second relationship with an A. And before that I've always been with needy, emotionally damaged men or been enthralled with someone who really isn't intersted in me. I always thought I just had bad luck. Or blamed it on my not so perfect body.
I will keep reading all that everyone writes. I am going to purchase the book suggested. I thank God that I found this site. I want all of you who have written to know you are helping me tremendously.
I hope in the future I can provide some insight to someone else and provide the same support you have given me.
Bless you all.
I am sure most of you suspect that this is a pattern for me. Not the married man part. But choosing partners that don't live up to my expectations. This was my second relationship with an A. And before that I've always been with needy, emotionally damaged men or been enthralled with someone who really isn't intersted in me. I always thought I just had bad luck. Or blamed it on my not so perfect body.
I will keep reading all that everyone writes. I am going to purchase the book suggested. I thank God that I found this site. I want all of you who have written to know you are helping me tremendously.
I hope in the future I can provide some insight to someone else and provide the same support you have given me.
Bless you all.
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Gosh, I was busy all weekend and missed this thread. Sketch, there is a LOT of really good wisdom here. It's a program of recovery, and one of the things they say at the closing of all Al Anon meetings is
A few special words to those of you who haven’t been with us long;Whatever your problems, there are those among us who have had them too.If you try to keep an open mind, you will find help.
You will come to realize that there is no situation too difficult to be bettered and no unhappiness too great to be lessened.
We aren’t perfect. The welcome we give you may not show the warmth we have in our hearts for you. After awhile, you’ll discover that though you may not like all of us, you’ll love us in a very special way – the same way we already love you.
Talk to each other, reason things out with someone else, but let there be no gossip or criticism of one another.
Instead, let the understanding, love and peace of the program grow in you one day at a time.
I'm glad you're here. Stick around... you'll find lots of threads and comments that will help you, some will challenge you, some will entertain you, and some might even TICK you off. The bottom line is, they will all make you think. Hopefully, you can find and appreciate both the similarities and the differences between us.
Hugs and love
Barb
A few special words to those of you who haven’t been with us long;Whatever your problems, there are those among us who have had them too.If you try to keep an open mind, you will find help.
You will come to realize that there is no situation too difficult to be bettered and no unhappiness too great to be lessened.
We aren’t perfect. The welcome we give you may not show the warmth we have in our hearts for you. After awhile, you’ll discover that though you may not like all of us, you’ll love us in a very special way – the same way we already love you.
Talk to each other, reason things out with someone else, but let there be no gossip or criticism of one another.
Instead, let the understanding, love and peace of the program grow in you one day at a time.
I'm glad you're here. Stick around... you'll find lots of threads and comments that will help you, some will challenge you, some will entertain you, and some might even TICK you off. The bottom line is, they will all make you think. Hopefully, you can find and appreciate both the similarities and the differences between us.
Hugs and love
Barb
It's a Puggle!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: On the road to sanity
Posts: 235
Welcome Skets, I am happy you stuck out the rough stuff at the beginning of this post...sadly this disease causes a lot of anger and resentment that is difficult for some people to get past...as much pain as we have all been in or caused in our lives I think we all need to remember what the bible says about judging others.
Hang in there girl, things can be better!
Hugs,
Paula
Hang in there girl, things can be better!
Hugs,
Paula
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Southern Wisconsin
Posts: 378
hurt too
The initial comments made about the affair I admit did really hurt. I don't expect forgiveness from those people who feel that way. But I can't go on the rest of my life never forgiving myself. That is partly why I succumbed to his disease so whole heartedly. I felt guilty, thinking I was contributing to it. That I deserved to endure all that came with it. I did not know that coming here would give me the strength and wisdom to really see that I needed to be out of the picture. I came here knowing I had done wrong and was approaching the situation wrong. Now you have helped me see it's not just this relationship with the MM. It's every relationship I have had pretty much. At first I hoped I could learn from you guys how to change myself in order to change this relationship. Now I really see that this realtionship is a lost cause but the next one won't be. Quite a lot to learn over a weekend. And a long journey ahead I know. THANK YOU EVERYONE.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 261
sketsher- I too when I read the title of this it "pinched" a nerve with me because I had filed for divorce and my husband's female 28 year old co-worker tried to go after him during this.....I spoke to her and still have a lot of bad feelings towards her only because she entered this turmoil....After reading everything, God does forgive people of their sins....Everyone commits different sins..Get out while you can, sketcher...Save yourself the agony..If he didn't treat his wife right, he wont' treat you any different...Take care!
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