herewegoagain

I just caught myself having a conversation with my husband that I didn't want to have. His phone rang and it was a friend of his. "Who was that ?" I said. "Nate." He replied....long story short, tonight's lodge night, and when he usually goes to the bar. He's not going tonight because he has to get up early tomorrow to work. When I asked what Nate wanted, he said "to invite me to lodge." which I think was a lie, I think he was asking if he'd be at the bar later. I was so tempted to ask my husband if Nate was actually asking about that, and I saw where I was heading. I walked away without saying a word, said the serenity prayer real quick...and then posted here. ~sigh~ Turning this over is going to be really hard, but I'm really trying !

gelfling

Good goin' girlfriend. You caught yourself. Time to give yourself a little pat on the back.

FriendofBill

Absolutely give yourself a pat!

We cannot expect to change immediately our old behaviors. Change takes time, little by little,,and you did just fine.

Keep on keepin on!

cwohio

yep - baby steps - each time it gets a bit easier.

for those times when you just think you can't keep it zipped...i keep a roll of duct tape handy!

herewegoagain

LOL !! I may have to borrow that duct tape !

Thanks for the support...I hope my rambling post made sense, lol...I was in a hurry. I didn't realize how deeply entrenched I've gotten into the codie habits and thought processes until I came here.

cwohio

i don't think a lot of knew that very thing. until you really start examining you're motives behind the behaviors, we just think this is how it is supposed to be!

pmaslan

Good job, you are only human and a frieghtened one at that! Everytime my A would do something suspect I would either question him or hold back if I was having a non-codie day. We are all scared to death in these relationships, that's my best assessment of why we react the way we do. Keep up the good work in time it will get easier.
Love, Patty

herewegoagain

Patty - you are SOOOOO right about the "frightened" part ! I'm scared of losing him, scared his drinking will get worse, scared that our son's childhood will be like mine....on and on. I've been doing a lot of self-examination lately, and I'm discovering a lot of thought patterns/emotions I really didn't fully realize were there. I was just on auto-pilot.

pmaslan

When I think about it I can see why he thought I was crazy...My mood swings were wild. I went back and forth between I can do this and why am I doing this daily. I have never been good at the waiting for the other shoe to drop thing....being scared is what we should be at a horror movie, not in our own home with people that supposedly love us. Keep the focus.....
Love, Patty
Oh yeah, flying solo is so liberating.....