How low is low??????
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Location: Chicago, IL
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How low is low??????
As most of you know my exAfiancee lost his job with the Federal Government a month ago, drinks til the point of emergency room treatment (17 times in 15 months), has been living on and off in the streets since I threw him out. Well needless to say he keeps trying to get back with me, even though I am a bit**. Last week Tuesday, he called his 83 year old mother for $200 so he could get a bus back to Pittsburgh, PA where she lives. Like a true codie she wired it to him immediately. He had it within 20 minutes of his phone call to her, then immediately proceeded to the bar!!! No big surprise.... Ok last Friday 3 days after getting the $200 he is filthy dirty, penniless, cut & bruised living on the street. After receiving numerous calls from his 82 year old mother, I go downtown to look for him, find him, call an ambulance and off he goes to detox again for the 17th time. He is now calling me and begging me to take him back, he won't drink (yeah right) quack, quack, quack!!!!! I don't budge on my decision so now he has Mommy calling me. She has called 6 times today, her last call was to ask me to go buy him a train ticket and she will reimburse me. Can you believe that??!!! She knows everything he has put me through and yet has the nerve to ask me to:
1. Go to Western Union and pick up money that she will send in my name since he can't be trusted.
2. Wants me to drive him to the train and buy the ticket and put him on the train. He has no i.d. as he lost his wallet and all identification last week.
3. Wait til the train pulls off to make sure he is in route and doesn't get off and cash in the ticket.
OMG!!!! This is a 49 year old man. All I can think about right now is Queitens post earliler about how sick they are. How sick does his mother think I am to go along with all this. It reminds me of when I put my daughter on a plane to visit my parents when she was 10 years old!!!!!
Mind you I have not picked up one of her calls she has left all of this on my voice mail. He called, I took his call and told him I'd rather drink poison than lift a finger to help him. I'm sorry that his mother is hurting but she should have thought about that a couple of years ago before she shipped him off to Chicago for some unsuspecting female (such as myself) to deal with. All I can do right now is shake my head and oh yeah I am having a nice cold beer.....couldn't do that before either.....hugs to all that have listened to me yammer.....P.S. some might think doing the above would get him out of my hair for good but I've come to realize that a bad penny always shows up!!!!
Love, Patty
1. Go to Western Union and pick up money that she will send in my name since he can't be trusted.
2. Wants me to drive him to the train and buy the ticket and put him on the train. He has no i.d. as he lost his wallet and all identification last week.
3. Wait til the train pulls off to make sure he is in route and doesn't get off and cash in the ticket.
OMG!!!! This is a 49 year old man. All I can think about right now is Queitens post earliler about how sick they are. How sick does his mother think I am to go along with all this. It reminds me of when I put my daughter on a plane to visit my parents when she was 10 years old!!!!!
Mind you I have not picked up one of her calls she has left all of this on my voice mail. He called, I took his call and told him I'd rather drink poison than lift a finger to help him. I'm sorry that his mother is hurting but she should have thought about that a couple of years ago before she shipped him off to Chicago for some unsuspecting female (such as myself) to deal with. All I can do right now is shake my head and oh yeah I am having a nice cold beer.....couldn't do that before either.....hugs to all that have listened to me yammer.....P.S. some might think doing the above would get him out of my hair for good but I've come to realize that a bad penny always shows up!!!!
Love, Patty
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
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(((Patty)))
You have handled that wonderfully. It is such a shame that his mother has to go through all of that, but as Cynay says "His chaos, not my chaos".
And can I just say - 17 times in 15 months!! Man, he must be sick to not get a grip yet!!
Take care, hon
Love
Minnie
xxx
You have handled that wonderfully. It is such a shame that his mother has to go through all of that, but as Cynay says "His chaos, not my chaos".
And can I just say - 17 times in 15 months!! Man, he must be sick to not get a grip yet!!
Take care, hon
Love
Minnie
xxx
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You are on the right course! Good for you! No enabling from you and that is wonderful. Poor mom, she cannot see how enabling is just encouraging his disease.
Keep on doing the right thing!
Keep on doing the right thing!
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((patty)) i thought mine was bad going to er 3 times in the past 10 months. you are doing great - poor mom hasn't got a clue. brings to mind the thread about how most folks have no clue about the disease and how doing the exact things she is doing just keeps it alive!
higs - chris
higs - chris
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Thanks Minnie and Friendof Bill....
Yes he is sick, I have never heard of anyone as sick before. I started to feel bad but damn it, I've already done toooooo much.
Friend, his mom keeps leaving theses messages saying, "Oh I need John (my ex) home his dad is so ill, Rachel, her 16 yr old grandaughter is such a handful and the house is falling apart, I really need his help." It's almost laughable, I can barely get him to take out the garbage and SHE expects all this support from him....the minute he gets back there he will con her out of some more cash and head for the neaarest bar. She thinks she can fix him and she thinks he can help her....what a friggin train wreck about to happen....everyone stay out of Saxton, PA .......lol
Thanks again you guys, I need all the support I can get right now....
Love, Patty
Yes he is sick, I have never heard of anyone as sick before. I started to feel bad but damn it, I've already done toooooo much.
Friend, his mom keeps leaving theses messages saying, "Oh I need John (my ex) home his dad is so ill, Rachel, her 16 yr old grandaughter is such a handful and the house is falling apart, I really need his help." It's almost laughable, I can barely get him to take out the garbage and SHE expects all this support from him....the minute he gets back there he will con her out of some more cash and head for the neaarest bar. She thinks she can fix him and she thinks he can help her....what a friggin train wreck about to happen....everyone stay out of Saxton, PA .......lol
Thanks again you guys, I need all the support I can get right now....
Love, Patty
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Join Date: May 2005
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Man, he is lower than whale doo, doo. That man needs help. I am glad you are being so strong, I do pity his Mom, he is really playing her. It is sad that she has to face this at her age.
Keep a stiff upper lip, you will prevail.
My Best,
Dolly
Keep a stiff upper lip, you will prevail.
My Best,
Dolly
too much on my plate!!
Join Date: Jan 2005
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OMG! OMG! This sounds sooooo familiar! I think its just crazzyyyyy!!
My A's Mom does the exact same thing, BUT, she should know better; she was married to his A Father for 15 years, and finally booted him out when he spent all of their money on a gambling spree/binge.
His Mom paid for a U-Haul actually yesterday, and wired him some money, then when he gets to where she lives, he totally sponges off her and she allows it. He works under the table for her boss doing odd jobs; of course her boss has no clue she is paying him over ten dollars an hour since she runs the whole office.
But then she is the first one complaining to everyone in town (its a tiny rural town) about how much of a drunk her son is. Well gee, never did it occur to her that she is totally enabling him. She even gives him her bosse's car to drive while he is there, even gives him the key to her office, in which she leaves petty cash laying around.
Its sooooooooo crazy!!!
My A's Mom does the exact same thing, BUT, she should know better; she was married to his A Father for 15 years, and finally booted him out when he spent all of their money on a gambling spree/binge.
His Mom paid for a U-Haul actually yesterday, and wired him some money, then when he gets to where she lives, he totally sponges off her and she allows it. He works under the table for her boss doing odd jobs; of course her boss has no clue she is paying him over ten dollars an hour since she runs the whole office.
But then she is the first one complaining to everyone in town (its a tiny rural town) about how much of a drunk her son is. Well gee, never did it occur to her that she is totally enabling him. She even gives him her bosse's car to drive while he is there, even gives him the key to her office, in which she leaves petty cash laying around.
Its sooooooooo crazy!!!
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Savana,
Yes his mom is alot like your ex's mom. She will tell anyone and everyone that her son is an alcoholic of the worst kind but still enables him. She thinks when he get to PA she will put him in the VA Hospital for long term treatment. I don't mean to sound conceited but how does she think she will accomplish that if I couldn't. He will do exactly what he wants to do nothiing more, nothing less. I have told her she enables him but she cries and says "If I don't help him he will die!" Boy do I have news for her, he is dying as we speak!!!! At this moment in time I hope I never meet another man again, and god help him if he has any addictions....take care of yourself Savana, you sound very young and you have sooooo much ahead of you....hugs to you
Love, Patty
Yes his mom is alot like your ex's mom. She will tell anyone and everyone that her son is an alcoholic of the worst kind but still enables him. She thinks when he get to PA she will put him in the VA Hospital for long term treatment. I don't mean to sound conceited but how does she think she will accomplish that if I couldn't. He will do exactly what he wants to do nothiing more, nothing less. I have told her she enables him but she cries and says "If I don't help him he will die!" Boy do I have news for her, he is dying as we speak!!!! At this moment in time I hope I never meet another man again, and god help him if he has any addictions....take care of yourself Savana, you sound very young and you have sooooo much ahead of you....hugs to you
Love, Patty
too much on my plate!!
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Patty,
I'm not that young lol! Everyone says that I look young for my age...But I've been around the block a time or two!
Hugs to you too ((((((((Patty))))))) Take care of yourself, sounds like you are doing a wonderful job of it!!
I'm not that young lol! Everyone says that I look young for my age...But I've been around the block a time or two!
Hugs to you too ((((((((Patty))))))) Take care of yourself, sounds like you are doing a wonderful job of it!!
May it be
Join Date: Oct 2004
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Patty,
what a story, one that people... who have been thru this can understand... As for meeting another man, that is about how I feel.
I have been thinking of this concept, for men and women. There are 2 dartboards, one for men and other for women. The man's board has either two or three areas (depending on how kind you would like to be). I feel that there are like 10 percent or less, Really Good men. Men that are givers, and will do all that is possible, to make a relationship work. So that 10% is represented by a small area in the middle of the board. Then there are 20 - 30% of men that are good men, but a little less striving to do what it takes. That is a little bit bigger band on the board. Then there is the remainder, which is 60% (all these figures can be debated) of men, that, well, you know... the ones that ~ maybe take out the garbage... and have all the other not so good qualities... So that is the big edge around the board. Now for the woman's board. The bullseye is represented by the 60 ~ 70% of the Really Good women. If this wasn't so, children would go hungry, or shoeless, or who would be there to make sure they even went to school, houses would be alot dirtier and the laundry would creep out the doors, husbands/men would have fewer things done for them... things that they take for granted (well that's just woman's work and what has always been expected of them...) The middle section could be 20 ~ 30%, (for all fairness, this area is included, but again debated that it be included with the 1st area) this would represent the woman who isn't quite as good... Then you have the outer edge a small area of 10% of the women who don't do much, and have the not so good qualities... Then with this game, you have the opposite gender, throwing their darts at these targets, to get their partner. Only thing is ~ the woman's bullseye area to throw at, is really small, and first come, first to get them and that area is Gone Fast...So then you have the darts going almost as fast into the next area and they're gone... So alot of good women will have a dart in the big outer edge... Now for the men, there bullseye, is a much larger area, they don't have to have much skill or luck, to get a good woman.
And explains, why the men who get the good woman, and if they aren't from the 2 better areas, well the woman gets disgusted, to say the least. Then the woman, plays this game a time or two and the chances of any of the bullseye even being on her board...well....
what a story, one that people... who have been thru this can understand... As for meeting another man, that is about how I feel.
I have been thinking of this concept, for men and women. There are 2 dartboards, one for men and other for women. The man's board has either two or three areas (depending on how kind you would like to be). I feel that there are like 10 percent or less, Really Good men. Men that are givers, and will do all that is possible, to make a relationship work. So that 10% is represented by a small area in the middle of the board. Then there are 20 - 30% of men that are good men, but a little less striving to do what it takes. That is a little bit bigger band on the board. Then there is the remainder, which is 60% (all these figures can be debated) of men, that, well, you know... the ones that ~ maybe take out the garbage... and have all the other not so good qualities... So that is the big edge around the board. Now for the woman's board. The bullseye is represented by the 60 ~ 70% of the Really Good women. If this wasn't so, children would go hungry, or shoeless, or who would be there to make sure they even went to school, houses would be alot dirtier and the laundry would creep out the doors, husbands/men would have fewer things done for them... things that they take for granted (well that's just woman's work and what has always been expected of them...) The middle section could be 20 ~ 30%, (for all fairness, this area is included, but again debated that it be included with the 1st area) this would represent the woman who isn't quite as good... Then you have the outer edge a small area of 10% of the women who don't do much, and have the not so good qualities... Then with this game, you have the opposite gender, throwing their darts at these targets, to get their partner. Only thing is ~ the woman's bullseye area to throw at, is really small, and first come, first to get them and that area is Gone Fast...So then you have the darts going almost as fast into the next area and they're gone... So alot of good women will have a dart in the big outer edge... Now for the men, there bullseye, is a much larger area, they don't have to have much skill or luck, to get a good woman.
And explains, why the men who get the good woman, and if they aren't from the 2 better areas, well the woman gets disgusted, to say the least. Then the woman, plays this game a time or two and the chances of any of the bullseye even being on her board...well....
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Originally Posted by pmaslan
what a friggin train wreck about to happen....everyone stay out of Saxton, PA .......lol
Poor mom indeed, she is just as sick as her son. My lord, the blindness that is called denial. Thank God that is NOT me today!
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Chrisea...I gotta say your dart board game had me smiling when I first started reading it, by the time I got to how to play the game I was in tears...isn't the truth very sad...
FOB...thanks for reminding me that I haven't gone off the deap end yet, if you ain't got a sense a humor you ain't got nottin....lol
Cynay, I know you have been thru a tremendous amount of this crap too lately, stay strong, don't waiver....I can see good things ahead for you.
Today is the day he is supposed to leave, he called this morning already. Yes to tell me I am a borderline personality per the assessment his doctors have made of me. Funny he should be using his time on himself not inquiring about my condition. Furthermore, I can see why he is still sick if his doctors are busy diagnosing me having never met me and not focusing in on him.
Love, Patty
FOB...thanks for reminding me that I haven't gone off the deap end yet, if you ain't got a sense a humor you ain't got nottin....lol
Cynay, I know you have been thru a tremendous amount of this crap too lately, stay strong, don't waiver....I can see good things ahead for you.
Today is the day he is supposed to leave, he called this morning already. Yes to tell me I am a borderline personality per the assessment his doctors have made of me. Funny he should be using his time on himself not inquiring about my condition. Furthermore, I can see why he is still sick if his doctors are busy diagnosing me having never met me and not focusing in on him.
Love, Patty
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Originally Posted by pmaslan
Today is the day he is supposed to leave, he called this morning already. Yes to tell me I am a borderline personality per the assessment his doctors have made of me. Funny he should be using his time on himself not inquiring about my condition. Furthermore, I can see why he is still sick if his doctors are busy diagnosing me having never met me and not focusing in on him.
Love, Patty
Love, Patty
Don't take any of the personality disorder quack-quack seriously. My husband, when he's in a low, LOVES to tell me about how I'm bi-polar, crazy, pyscho, etc... and how much EVERYONE else thinks that too! When he crawls out of his darkness, I ask him, "Who are all these people that call me bi-polar?" He usually has no answer because NOBODY is telling him that.
I wish I could have a shield like Wonder Woman... when he shoots those nasty bullets at me I could hold it up and let it ricochet back at him!
Stay strong and focus on you.
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Dear Patty,
Ain't they pissers when they go to the doctor and the doc says you're nuts. Bet the consult he got was from one of his drinking buddies. You know they won't go to a doctor or hospital unless they're about dead.
Ain't they pissers when they go to the doctor and the doc says you're nuts. Bet the consult he got was from one of his drinking buddies. You know they won't go to a doctor or hospital unless they're about dead.
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Hi Kathy...well he has seen a doctor 17 times in the last 15 months. Each time he detoxs after a bindge he sees his doc... I know he is full of crap, it's just funny how every A tells their S.O. that they are nuts...you know maybe they are right, what sane person would put up with their s**t. LOL
Love, Patty
Love, Patty
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Originally Posted by GettingBy
I'm willing to bet the doctors AREN'T focusing on you, it's HIS disease that keeps redirecting on you. He's still looking for someone else to blame so no matter what anyone tells him, he's going to keep deflecting to you.
Don't take any of the personality disorder quack-quack seriously. My husband, when he's in a low, LOVES to tell me about how I'm bi-polar, crazy, pyscho, etc... and how much EVERYONE else thinks that too! When he crawls out of his darkness, I ask him, "Who are all these people that call me bi-polar?" He usually has no answer because NOBODY is telling him that.
I wish I could have a shield like Wonder Woman... when he shoots those nasty bullets at me I could hold it up and let it ricochet back at him!
Stay strong and focus on you.
Don't take any of the personality disorder quack-quack seriously. My husband, when he's in a low, LOVES to tell me about how I'm bi-polar, crazy, pyscho, etc... and how much EVERYONE else thinks that too! When he crawls out of his darkness, I ask him, "Who are all these people that call me bi-polar?" He usually has no answer because NOBODY is telling him that.
I wish I could have a shield like Wonder Woman... when he shoots those nasty bullets at me I could hold it up and let it ricochet back at him!
Stay strong and focus on you.
May it be
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: A new day. Today I just see bright colors, in the small world of my dreams.
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Patty,
I don't even have kids, and I see who does the bulk of the family upbringing... etc. So, if you don't play that dart game early in your life, chances are the bullseye will be gone and the remainder of the men have be in and out of the recycle bin....
When I left my 2nd X, he was a recovering A. When I wanted to work on the marriage, he said ~ since I was in couseling, hence I had all the problems and for Me to figure it out... and he went upstairs to bed. Well, needless to say, I did figure it out and ~ Now, he has his way ALL the Time.. Anyhow, during that time, I had to go for a physical for my new job. The dr I was seeing at the time, asked how my marriage was going. I told him, we were splitting and he wanted to know why... Because everything was my fault. He asked how can that be. I just said because that's how he views it. So then the dr told me I had a personality disorder, put that on the physical paper (fortunately, they didn't like that dr anyways, and hired me, regardless) and he wanted me to take a psychotropic med... I told him I didn't want that and he goes "Well you're the boss". I should have told him ~ You got that Right.
I don't even have kids, and I see who does the bulk of the family upbringing... etc. So, if you don't play that dart game early in your life, chances are the bullseye will be gone and the remainder of the men have be in and out of the recycle bin....
When I left my 2nd X, he was a recovering A. When I wanted to work on the marriage, he said ~ since I was in couseling, hence I had all the problems and for Me to figure it out... and he went upstairs to bed. Well, needless to say, I did figure it out and ~ Now, he has his way ALL the Time.. Anyhow, during that time, I had to go for a physical for my new job. The dr I was seeing at the time, asked how my marriage was going. I told him, we were splitting and he wanted to know why... Because everything was my fault. He asked how can that be. I just said because that's how he views it. So then the dr told me I had a personality disorder, put that on the physical paper (fortunately, they didn't like that dr anyways, and hired me, regardless) and he wanted me to take a psychotropic med... I told him I didn't want that and he goes "Well you're the boss". I should have told him ~ You got that Right.
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