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Family support?

Old 05-25-2005, 09:02 AM
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Family support?

I dont know how to start, so I will just say it. Ok, My BF is an alcoholic, has been for years. He drinks on weekends, sometimes one weekday. For the most part he functions during the workweek and the weekends he lets go. So, I guess I am feeling some dissapointment from my family. Over the past month I feel I have made so much progress with myself. I dont fight with him anymore, I go out, I do things for me. I am not concerned with what he does when hes drunk. I just let it happen, because it will even if I protest. My mother has said to me numerous times, when you ignore it you make it ok for him to drink more you need to say something to him hes walking all over you. Now, this is exactly what I was doing and got knowhere. This is comming from a women with not one but 2 alcoholic brothers. (one has passed away) My stepfather makes rude comments about him when he isnt around and so do other members of my family. Now, I guess I am torn because I know my family cares about me and thinks I can do better. But I also take offense to all the progress I have made with myself being shot down. I feel like I am constantly defending myself and my BF. I know he is sick and has a problem, and its no excuse. But I also know he is a person and I wish my family would not throw stones at him or me. Can anyone relate?
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Old 05-25-2005, 09:29 AM
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Ohhhh yea.

Mine sucks too cuz my ex-ABF have talked recently and I see the change in him... how much better he is doing (not that we will/are together)

But in talking to my daughter a little about it... she hates him and goes to extreems to point out things that she thinks shows he has not changed at all. I cant convience her, and I should not have to but the pull between the two sometimes really hurts.

Hang in there!
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Old 05-25-2005, 10:56 AM
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Maybe you could use some of the detachment and boundary-setting that you've put into practice with your BF with your family. If they make rude comments, say that you'd would prefer that they didn't and if they continue you will have to leave/hang up the phone or whatever. You don't have to shut them out of your life altogether, just make some topics of conversation off-limits.

Love

Minnie
xxx
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Old 05-25-2005, 11:13 AM
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Thank you both, I was thinking about using some of the same things I learned with my family. I just have to let them think what they want but not be resentful for it. I have a very difficult time with my family focusing so much on the wrong doings of my BF when my Uncle and my brother are alcoholics. For some reason, becasue they are family my mother treats it diferently. But I have to learn to let go of that too. I am not happy that others can relate, but it is comforting to know I am not alone in this. Thanks
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Old 05-25-2005, 06:50 PM
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My mother has said to me numerous times, when you ignore it you make it ok for him to drink more you need to say something to him hes walking all over you.
You know this isn't true if you're going to alanon and working a recovery program. Stick with what you know is tried and true. Family wants to help, but at times what they offer will do more harm than good. And remember, blood is thicker than water. They'll defend a brother or sister to the death but if you're not blood, they'll hang you for the same offenses.

Keep up your own good work because you know it's working for you.

Last edited by gelfling; 05-25-2005 at 06:52 PM. Reason: afterthought
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