resentment
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resentment
I need someone to help me breathe........................erggggggggggggggggg gggggggggggggggggggggg.
I just got off the phone with my H, he calls me on break everyday.
I just went to my son's honor night at school by myself yesterday, my H had to work and couldnt get the day off, I was so proud of my son.
I was telling my H about my son's awards, AB honor roll, Phsyical fitness, and cadet band awards. He asked me if I was going to meet him at the shcool for our daughter's portfolio reception which is tonight. It kinda turned me into a beast......
His mother wouldnt miss this for the world, and of course my H is getting off early to go to the reception to see our daughter today, which is one day later.
I expressed to him how I felt about the him and his mother not being able to go to my son's award nite, but yet both of them can show up for my daughter's reception, my H tell me I should be calling my X in laws and my son's father, they are the one's I should be upset with. My x-in-laws have not seen my kids but maybe twice in over ten years, and my ex may have seen them 6 times in over 10 years. What he said just cut me like a knife. As I have been with my H now for over 10 years he knows and his mother knows. I was hurt by this, I was expecting him to understand how I was feeling about them making a big deal out of my youngest daughters reception and how that make my son feel bad, because I am the only one that cared about my son's accomplishments, instead he tells me to call the right people, be mad at the right people not him. (meaning my x and his parents).
RESENTMENT
I just got off the phone with my H, he calls me on break everyday.
I just went to my son's honor night at school by myself yesterday, my H had to work and couldnt get the day off, I was so proud of my son.
I was telling my H about my son's awards, AB honor roll, Phsyical fitness, and cadet band awards. He asked me if I was going to meet him at the shcool for our daughter's portfolio reception which is tonight. It kinda turned me into a beast......
His mother wouldnt miss this for the world, and of course my H is getting off early to go to the reception to see our daughter today, which is one day later.
I expressed to him how I felt about the him and his mother not being able to go to my son's award nite, but yet both of them can show up for my daughter's reception, my H tell me I should be calling my X in laws and my son's father, they are the one's I should be upset with. My x-in-laws have not seen my kids but maybe twice in over ten years, and my ex may have seen them 6 times in over 10 years. What he said just cut me like a knife. As I have been with my H now for over 10 years he knows and his mother knows. I was hurt by this, I was expecting him to understand how I was feeling about them making a big deal out of my youngest daughters reception and how that make my son feel bad, because I am the only one that cared about my son's accomplishments, instead he tells me to call the right people, be mad at the right people not him. (meaning my x and his parents).
RESENTMENT
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In the mountain air
Posts: 1,345
It's a shame that your son can't see or feel the excitement or pride that we all feel for him and his accomplishments here. He doesn't know just how many people there are that care about him, and you.
He's a lucky kid to have a mom like you - and he gets so much love and support from you that IMO, he's got it all! I wish that they could be more loving toward both of your older children, but as long as they have you, they couldn't have a bigger cheering squad.
He's a lucky kid to have a mom like you - and he gets so much love and support from you that IMO, he's got it all! I wish that they could be more loving toward both of your older children, but as long as they have you, they couldn't have a bigger cheering squad.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Ashland City, TN
Posts: 28
I don't blame you for being mad. My X & I have a son together and now I have a baby with my current H. I don't want him to show any difference in the boys but I know it's going to happen. My X is still in the picture with my older son so that does make my situation a little better. It's not the childs fault that his real father doesn't want to be involved.
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Ouch... bet that one hurt, Im sorry and can TOTALLY understand how you feel...
Remember though that he probably said that to take the focus off... He probably feels guilty when you pointed it out to him and cant take the hard look in the mirrior ... so next best thing.. throw it at someone else.
I have been a single mom for almost 14 years.... I wish they had the relationship with her I do... but I cant want more for them then they want for themselves, yes it hurts my daughter sometimes but that is part of life and her growth. I cant protect her from it I can only love her through it
Remember though that he probably said that to take the focus off... He probably feels guilty when you pointed it out to him and cant take the hard look in the mirrior ... so next best thing.. throw it at someone else.
I have been a single mom for almost 14 years.... I wish they had the relationship with her I do... but I cant want more for them then they want for themselves, yes it hurts my daughter sometimes but that is part of life and her growth. I cant protect her from it I can only love her through it
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I have to get that my H will not ever realize how he goes above and beyond to make sure he is available for my daughter's events and not there for my son's or my other daughter from a previous marriage.
I have to see his mother today at my daughter's reception, I will try to be kind. (I will be kind for my daughter's sake)
But niether one of them did anything to me directly, it is what they are not willing to do, that bother's me. I will not mention another word about it to my H, I said what I had to say this morning on the phone. I know that I have the right to express myself and I dont have to shell up and never say anything, I couldnt do that anyway, I think I would explode.
He said what he said about my x, because he does feel guilty, and that is why he had to get defensive and again, blame someone else. He knows, he sees, but just dont care enough to change it. He figures he should be commended because he puts a roof over there head and he is raising two kids that are not his own, he says not many men would do that, he told me this morning, I just built a computer for your son's room. Automatic defense, is where he went, trying to make himself or me feel better, by telling me everything he did do for him.
They wont miss my daughter's dance reciptal, but niether one of them will make it to my son's championship baseball game, or to his district games.
I have to see his mother today at my daughter's reception, I will try to be kind. (I will be kind for my daughter's sake)
But niether one of them did anything to me directly, it is what they are not willing to do, that bother's me. I will not mention another word about it to my H, I said what I had to say this morning on the phone. I know that I have the right to express myself and I dont have to shell up and never say anything, I couldnt do that anyway, I think I would explode.
He said what he said about my x, because he does feel guilty, and that is why he had to get defensive and again, blame someone else. He knows, he sees, but just dont care enough to change it. He figures he should be commended because he puts a roof over there head and he is raising two kids that are not his own, he says not many men would do that, he told me this morning, I just built a computer for your son's room. Automatic defense, is where he went, trying to make himself or me feel better, by telling me everything he did do for him.
They wont miss my daughter's dance reciptal, but niether one of them will make it to my son's championship baseball game, or to his district games.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
and he is the one who is missing out. There are plenty of men who would treat another mans child with love and respect and my H has his faults but, he would never treat my child with anything but, high reguard I treat his that way too and we call them "ours".... even though both ex's are very involved with them as well. Your H needs to grow up.....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Anaheim,CA
Posts: 549
This statement made me curious
EVERY day?
I always thought a break at work was to take a walk, get a snack, catch up with news with coworkers and of course, make a personal call if need be. A brief personal time to relax and regroup.
If these were what my children call "stevie wonder calls" (I just called to say I love you) that would be nice and short, would not eat up your break time and would leave you with a smile on your face but if it's every day and it leaves you dwelling on problems...just sounds awful to me if it happens everyday.
(((Gracey)))
PHP Code:
he calls me on break everyday
I always thought a break at work was to take a walk, get a snack, catch up with news with coworkers and of course, make a personal call if need be. A brief personal time to relax and regroup.
If these were what my children call "stevie wonder calls" (I just called to say I love you) that would be nice and short, would not eat up your break time and would leave you with a smile on your face but if it's every day and it leaves you dwelling on problems...just sounds awful to me if it happens everyday.
(((Gracey)))
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He goes to his truck everyday to smoke and he has to go off premises as he works for a school. So he goes and parks his truck somewhere, and calls me and his mom.
I try really hard to not let this stuff bother me, because I know I cant force caring, or love, or just showing interest. I think I do have a better understanding why he said go call the right people, he had to take the focus off of him and put it on someone else, because he did feel guilty, and he cant help what his mother does, just like I cant help what he does.
I try really hard to not let this stuff bother me, because I know I cant force caring, or love, or just showing interest. I think I do have a better understanding why he said go call the right people, he had to take the focus off of him and put it on someone else, because he did feel guilty, and he cant help what his mother does, just like I cant help what he does.
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Sussex, NJ
Posts: 1,331
If it were me, I'd go to daughters thing, not sit with my husband or MIL, take my other children and be happy and proud for her.
Gracey, you are beating a dead horse here ...... you have a right to be mad at your husband, but your anger should also be placed with your grown children's father and inlaws. Whether they accept or not, they should have been invited to your son's award night. It is their choice to come or not, then you wouldn't be leaving yourself open to your husbands constant ridicule and manipulation.
Yes, he married all 3 of you when he married you, but personally I do not think he is completely wrong in his thinking ..... I don't like the way he uses it against you, but he has a valid point. You cannot make him love, care or respect your other children, no matter what. These things should have been worked out a long time ago. On the Flip side, you have to go to your daughters evening ..... she is your daughter, you cannot go tit for tat with him on this one.
Gracey, you are beating a dead horse here ...... you have a right to be mad at your husband, but your anger should also be placed with your grown children's father and inlaws. Whether they accept or not, they should have been invited to your son's award night. It is their choice to come or not, then you wouldn't be leaving yourself open to your husbands constant ridicule and manipulation.
Yes, he married all 3 of you when he married you, but personally I do not think he is completely wrong in his thinking ..... I don't like the way he uses it against you, but he has a valid point. You cannot make him love, care or respect your other children, no matter what. These things should have been worked out a long time ago. On the Flip side, you have to go to your daughters evening ..... she is your daughter, you cannot go tit for tat with him on this one.
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Sussex, NJ
Posts: 1,331
People can be so selfish when they want to push someones buttons and ruin their happy feeling, that's not so hard to understand. Gracey allows this to happen to her .... after all of this time, she should know better. There is no support where her older children are concerned.
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I dont agree my children are grown at 11 and 15. I have invited my father's children for years to show up to these events, with no return phone call, or no show.
What I do let happen is I hope that one of these times, my H will see and understand that I want him to be involved with my other childrens activities. What I have to accept is that is never going to happen, my H has been with my son since he was two, you think there would be something more there. I also cant understand how someone couldnt just love him after 10 years and show compassion.
What I do let happen is I hope that one of these times, my H will see and understand that I want him to be involved with my other childrens activities. What I have to accept is that is never going to happen, my H has been with my son since he was two, you think there would be something more there. I also cant understand how someone couldnt just love him after 10 years and show compassion.
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My H tells me that I always have to ruin his good time, he is excited about taking time off to see his daughter and I cant just leave it alone, I have to put my two cents in because I was hurt that they both showed no interest in my son after 10 years. I gave up calling. The first six years, I couldnt call him, he disappeared, when I could, I did, I would tell him I divorced you not the kids and I would beg him to be a part of their life.
What do I allow happen to me ASpouse??
I also dont plan on going tit for tat on this one, It is also my duaghter who is having a reception tonight not just his, and I dont plan on spoiling anything for her, or anyone else.
I just wish they would have shown a little bit of interest in my son's evening, so I didnt have to go by myself. Am I angry at the wrong people when I see these people everyday for the last 10 years, I feel like they should have some natural feelings for my other two kids. Shoot, I have feelings for my daughters' friends that I have known for four years.
I dont know I am sorry
What do I allow happen to me ASpouse??
I also dont plan on going tit for tat on this one, It is also my duaghter who is having a reception tonight not just his, and I dont plan on spoiling anything for her, or anyone else.
I just wish they would have shown a little bit of interest in my son's evening, so I didnt have to go by myself. Am I angry at the wrong people when I see these people everyday for the last 10 years, I feel like they should have some natural feelings for my other two kids. Shoot, I have feelings for my daughters' friends that I have known for four years.
I dont know I am sorry
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Anaheim,CA
Posts: 549
Gracey, what would happen if you didn't take his call while you're at work? If you just let his call go to voicemail or simply said, "I'm sorry, I'm busy now, Is there an emergency?" and if it were not, just said, "I need to go" and hung up.
My concern was about YOU...I understand he calls you every day--that is what HE wants to do. But when he calls you it seems as if these calls are just extentions of ongoing discord and a way he's found to "get you". Unless you have a very private office, obviously you may not say what you'd like in the same manner you would in the privacy of your own home and I'm just wondering if that (and your own good manners) are being used to add more stress to your life. It may be what he wants, but is it what YOU want?
Obviously his call distressed you and must be distracting. And if this is his "norm" I ask seriously, Why accept his calls while at work? I understand if there's an emergency but not as a normal part of every day.
You are always such a kind voice here. I read your posts and often find myself nodding in agreement. I appreciate the depth of your expression and can feel the love of your children radiating from your posts. I'm just wondering if it's possible to be a bit kinder to yourself and eliminate what appears to be an everyday event that seems to poke at your heart.
((((Gracie))))
My concern was about YOU...I understand he calls you every day--that is what HE wants to do. But when he calls you it seems as if these calls are just extentions of ongoing discord and a way he's found to "get you". Unless you have a very private office, obviously you may not say what you'd like in the same manner you would in the privacy of your own home and I'm just wondering if that (and your own good manners) are being used to add more stress to your life. It may be what he wants, but is it what YOU want?
Obviously his call distressed you and must be distracting. And if this is his "norm" I ask seriously, Why accept his calls while at work? I understand if there's an emergency but not as a normal part of every day.
You are always such a kind voice here. I read your posts and often find myself nodding in agreement. I appreciate the depth of your expression and can feel the love of your children radiating from your posts. I'm just wondering if it's possible to be a bit kinder to yourself and eliminate what appears to be an everyday event that seems to poke at your heart.
((((Gracie))))
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Sussex, NJ
Posts: 1,331
Gracey, you can't make people feel things they don't feel. If they have no feelings for your children from your previous marriage, you can't make them to feel something. I'm not saying it's right or fair to the children, but it is what it is.
What I perceive you allow to happen is to be hurt by a situation that has been going on for 10 years now. You ask them to join you, they say no, it disappoints you over and over and over again. It's no wonder you have resentment .... you allow yourself to be made the "victim" by these seemingly uncaring people.
I do not mean to be unkind or hurtful in anyway. The only people you can expect to care about your children from your first marriage is your ex inlaws and your ex husband. If they don't, then there really is nothing you can do about it.
Gracey you've been told this before, your husband and MIL are jerks, they treat you horribly and your children also. Enjoy Bree's special evening.
What I perceive you allow to happen is to be hurt by a situation that has been going on for 10 years now. You ask them to join you, they say no, it disappoints you over and over and over again. It's no wonder you have resentment .... you allow yourself to be made the "victim" by these seemingly uncaring people.
I do not mean to be unkind or hurtful in anyway. The only people you can expect to care about your children from your first marriage is your ex inlaws and your ex husband. If they don't, then there really is nothing you can do about it.
Gracey you've been told this before, your husband and MIL are jerks, they treat you horribly and your children also. Enjoy Bree's special evening.
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