PrayingForBrian

Last Friday my ABF went out, got drunk, and ended up in jail. He told me he wanted to change his life and try to quit drinking. I knew he wasn't really ready but for some reason I got my hopes up and I was really happy that he said it. All week long he didn't drink. Then Friday came....and we went to a graduation party for his cousin. Of course EVERYONE was drinking. He drank...he didn't get drunk but he drank...and I was dissapointed. I didn't bother saying anything. This morning he got up and said he was going golfing. I went to a baby shower and sure enough when it was over at 3 pm he was wasted with his friends and he told me to come over to the BBQ he was at with our 2 year old daughter. I choose not to be around those kind of people. I choose not to have her around them either...he got pissed. He told me I was overreacting and being "psychotic".

I knew this would happen. I can't say I'm suprised...But I'm just as hurt as the time before. Truly - I think about leaving all the time. But I love him when he's sober. I love the father he is to my daughter when he's sober. It's just so hard to sit back and watch him do this....and it's hard to accept that I'm letting him hurt me. I thought I was stronger than this...

I just needed to vent.

walkingtheline

((((((((PrayingForBrian))))))))

Only you know what's best for you, whether the good times outweigh the bad times...you know the list and you know the contents of your heart.

Once again I urge you to find a Al-anon group. Many many spouses/partners find ways to live joy-filled lives with their A's thanks to the tools they learn. Others, after a great deal of work are saddened but relieved to make a life changing decision to leave. Work on YOU and what's right for YOU and this will, one day at a time, be easier to manage.

You are NOT psychotic. You are a loving and concerned woman.

PrayingForBrian

Thank you.

So many people have told me to try Al-anon. I don't know why I haven't. I guess I'm not ready...I dont know.

minnie

Why not give al-anon a try? It's only a couple of hours out of your life. I bet you spend more time worrying about what he is/isn't doing.

He's still the same person, sober or drunk. Just another side to him.

You are strong - very often it is stronger to stay and work through all of this than it is to leave.

PrayingForBrian

I don't really have a reason why I haven't given Al-anon a try. I'm scared. I'm scared that he will hate me for it. I'm just scared....

minnie

And why would he hate you for it? Surely if he loves you, and you need to seek help, he would be all for it?

We were all scared before we set foot in those rooms. Scared that other people would find out. Scared that our OH's would find out and not like it. Scared that we would find out stuff that we wouldn't know how to deal with. Scared that the status quo wuld change. All sorts of scared.

You know what? Everyone in my first al-anon meeting had at least one of those fears. We are all in the same boat. If your hubby hates you for it, then that's his disease talking. This is YOUR life, not his.

minnie

Oh, and . Try is a difficult word for me. Seems to set you up for failure from the outset.

PrayingForBrian

I don't even know where to go. If I could....I'd be at a meeting right now. I don't even know where to begin.

walkingtheline

Al-anon will welcome you with open arms.

If you had cancer and he hated you for seeking treatment for it, would that make sense to you?

You are a strong, loving woman wanting the best for your family. You want Brian to seek treatment for his problem. If your daughter needed treatment, you would NOT hesitate to get it for her. You, my friend, are just as important.

Missouri Al-anon

(((((((((Praying for Brian)))))))))

PrayingForBrian

You are right. I guess I just don't know what to expect...I'll go check out that link. Thank you.

CodeMaster

I searched the official al-anon web site at http://www.al-anon.alateen.org and I found the Missouri listings here:

http://www.missouri-al-anon.org/where&when.html

Just scroll down, pick the day you want to go, and you'll receive a listing from all cities in the state, just find your city and vola. Sometimes all those symbols can be confusing, my first visit was to an all spanish speaking group and man did I look kind of lost when I got there... so if you have any questions about it, please do ask it here or call the number, I wish you the best in your quest to seek love.

There is also numbers you may call to find out more info here:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/missouri.html