which brings up another thing
 

after reading the daffodil story, it touched on a sore spot with me about all the changes i have endured in my life. all the starting over i have had to do. all the moves i have had to make. how can you see your beautiful garden if you have to keep giving it up?

this is a BIG part of my holding on. i have worked very hard and some things are not done with my home which i would like to finish. so with everything up in the air, is he going, when will this happen, will i be the one going--it puts everything on hold. maybe i shouldn't put any more money in the house, if i am not going to be here much longer. may be part of being a codependent however, it seems to me that it is a legitimate concern which maybe most people with the same experience would feel.
this sucks. i WANT to plant 50,000 daffadils somewhere, but i have never been able to stay in one place long enough to do it. i have been here the longest ever but now it feels like i won't be staying here much longer either-and once again, i will be losing my continuity.

EA, is it HIS house?

I don't understand why if you left him or he left you you'd have to give up your house.

it is our house. right now though it seems that we will not be able to afford to stay here with an impending divorce.

Time to brainstorm!

A few ideas:

Find a way to get the house in the settlement. If there's little/no equity, get him to quick claim it over. Can you get the house by agreeing to less support? Can you get the house as the "family home" and he get his share when and if it's sold?

IF you can, then you have some options. How about a refi with an interest only loan? Take in a roommate? If you've gained a great deal of equity, can you refi and pull out enough cash to invest for a greater income?

And, if you can't keep it, watch every step of the process of selling. Do everything you can do to get top dollar. Take your share and use it to buy another house...one that you adore can let your roots grow deeply and do all the things you dreamed of... Make friends with a realtor or builder and a mortgage broker. Get their BEST deals.

I'll bet others who have done it can give other and better ideas.

You'll get those daffodils or tulips or whatever your heart desires one way or another.

I don't think it has to be external, the daffodils can be our own growth, our learning, or the lives we influence, the people we smile at - anything as long as we make use of whatever time we have.

thanks walking..could you elaborate on the refi & pull out enough cash for a greater income-does that mean for adding to my bottom line income or pull out the cash to use to pay the house or for a down pmt on a new one?

(((EA)))

Boy, I can relate to this. Moving around and never feeling settled. Not feeling that where I was living was home. Not being motivated to make improvements to where I was living because I knew I would be moving on.

I moved (again!) in March and am in the most fantastic rented house. I would struggle to be able to buy somewhere as nice as this, so I have decided to compromise, even though I will have to move on at some point in the future. Why shouldn't I live somewhere great for a while after all I've been through? Because I now take my life one day at a time, I can feel settled, just for today. My plants are in pots and I have moved some of them all over the country for years. I am in the process of sorting out my photos so that I can get them framed and put up, likewise my pictures. What I'm trying to say, is that I take my "stuff" wherever I go and so I can make anywhere my home. It's not the same as staying in one place for a long time, however it takes the sting out of it.

WTL has some wonderful ideas. You need to get creative about this. Take control of your own destiny.

Love

Minnie
xxx

thanks minnie. i have accumulated so much stuff. the thought of moving it again ugh- or and i have thought of this a couple times- get rid of everything- my greatest concern is for my 3 kids. this is the only home they know. and my 6 yr old had asked me if i would give her the house when i died. she was very sincere about it when she asked me. i assumed she really loves the house! - i guess i just really love moss. (is that an excuse or what?)

escape artist-

Forgive me, I don't remember what state you're in. A recent law allows us to get a free credit report one time per year. GET IT if your state is in the list.

Free annual credit report here

Look around in your "circle". At church, at al-anon, among your friends, a co-worker...someone you trust will be able to recommend a GREAT broker.
Take your credit report and talk to him/her. Explain what's up..ask the question: If I get the house in a divorce, do you see any way to lower my payment.

In some areas...right now the hot areas include parts of CA and Fl among others homes are appreciating at a incredible rate. This is a story I heard recently from a friend who is a tax consultant.

Her client owned a home that had appreciated - a lot. She (client) had a home she had purchased for $250,000 but was now valued at 860,000. She owed around 200,000 on the original loan (fixed, 6.5%) She then refinanced her home for 80% of it's current value and paid off all her other debts including all her credit cards and car. Her new home loan was an interest only, rate set for 5 years. She was left with around $400,000. She took that money and bought a condo as an investment property. It was a "starter", the purchase price was $325,000. It was a "distress" sale, needed repairs/improvements and she paid cash. She put $20,000 into repairs and remodeling and then rented that property for $1450 per month, and had a "cushion" of about $50,000 left. She put 20K in savings for emergencies and started some stock investments with the rest.

Interest only mortgages are only a good deal if you anticipate a higher income in 5 years or expect to move AND, in the above example, the person resists the idea of going back into debt!

Every broker can tell you similar stories...different programs, different means...but a really good broker can find ways, even if you don't live in one of these incredibly appreciating areas. If Mr. Christian is around I know he too works in the industry and there are probably others as well.

My point was and still is that there may be ways to keep your house AND improve your bottom line. Think of it like we do alcoholism...learn all you can!

Hope this gives you some food for thought.

thanks walking-you sure have given me a boost -wow! i will be looking into this creative financing definitely. thanks again.