Hi - I'm new here
Hi - I'm new here
I'm an adult child of two alcoholics...and lo and behold, I married a "binge drinker." That's what my former therapist labeled him as, anyway. That actually caught me off guard, I thought I was smart enough to know what to look out for, lol. Silly me. I also turned a blind eye to his drinking. I knew from the beginning there was "probably" an issue, but chose not to see it. In the post that described the typical ways we contribute to a problem really opened my eyes. I tend to be either the martyr or the...oh, what was the word ? Anyway, I tend to try get him to stop drinking by talking with him, threatening to leave, or giving him the silent treatment. I try to rationalize with him...remind him that we have a 19 month old son who needs him, that if he gets arrested for DUI while driving home from the bar he'd lose his job, etc., etc. I'm kind of at a loss where to go from here. Part of the problem is I keep doubting how much a problem this really is. Seems a little silly, I know. But he's just so different than what I'm used to dealing with. He goes out once a week after lodge (he's a freemason), and stays at the bar until 1 or 2 in the morning. We've argued several times over that, I've asked him to cut back..etc. We have slightly opposite work schedules, I work Mon - Fri, and he works Sun - Thur. Thursday nights are lodge nights. When I accepted my new schedule, it was with the understanding our son would be spending LESS time in daycare (in other words, Fridays he'd spend with my husband). As we speak, our son is in daycare while my husband catches up on his sleep after getting home at 1:15. Masonry and his drinking seems to be a constant sore spot - and I'm left feeling very angry and sad. My husband is otherwise very good to me and I love him dearly - he's a wonderful father too. There are other issues going on at the moment as well - everything has me feeling so overwhelmed. I guess what I'm asking for is a little support, and a point in the right direction on where to go from here. Sorry this is so long, I guess I just needed to get all this off my chest.
Welcome to SR... and you dont have to apologize for needing support. Type as much as you need to.
Im sorry your hurting... remember you did not cause it, cant control it and cant cure it.... as has been told to me MANY times, check out an Al-non meeting, keep reading the posts here and take very good care of yourself.
We are here to help
Im sorry your hurting... remember you did not cause it, cant control it and cant cure it.... as has been told to me MANY times, check out an Al-non meeting, keep reading the posts here and take very good care of yourself.
We are here to help
Damn Cynay beat me to it!
Welcome to SR HWGA! You are definately in the right place. As Cynay said there is a lot of support here and in Alanon as well..I noticed you are in the Southwest - I'm hoping it is AZ because I'd be happy to take you to your first Alanon meeting..
Read the stickies at the top of the forum..You will find solutions to your problems..even it is just to vent.
Big hug,
Minx
Welcome to SR HWGA! You are definately in the right place. As Cynay said there is a lot of support here and in Alanon as well..I noticed you are in the Southwest - I'm hoping it is AZ because I'd be happy to take you to your first Alanon meeting..
Read the stickies at the top of the forum..You will find solutions to your problems..even it is just to vent.
Big hug,
Minx
here - welcome and you were welcomed by the gals from the southwest already. do try to check out al-anon. it really helps most folks - they even have meetings for adult children of alcoholics (i am one myself and am married to a alcoholic - go figure). we definitely have our own issues and need to focus on ourselves which is the basis of al-anon.
come vent, post anytime - we're here to support each other!
hugs - chris
come vent, post anytime - we're here to support each other!
hugs - chris
Really ?? I didn't know some would do babysitting, or let you bring your child. I'll have to look into that.
I have a lot of questions running around in my head - I'll have to sort them out. First and foremost though, is how the heck do I talk to him about issues, without me inadvertently enabling him ? For example - the issue today about him sleeping at home rather than caring for our son. The whole reason that's going on is because of how late he stayed out....
I have a lot of questions running around in my head - I'll have to sort them out. First and foremost though, is how the heck do I talk to him about issues, without me inadvertently enabling him ? For example - the issue today about him sleeping at home rather than caring for our son. The whole reason that's going on is because of how late he stayed out....
First of all, welcome!
One of the biggest lessons we learn through Al-anon is to mean what we say, say what we mean and not say it in a mean way. If it's important to you that your child be with your hub on fridays and not in day care you must make that clear.
Feel free to post questions. This place is filled with wisdom, most here have "been there, done that" in one way or another and you can learn from their experiences and we can often tell you what didn't work for us as well!
I hope you'll feel comfortable here...put your feet up and read, read, read! And feel free to ask, to participate, to vent, whatever! We share a common bond and most of us can honestly say, "I understand."
One of the biggest lessons we learn through Al-anon is to mean what we say, say what we mean and not say it in a mean way. If it's important to you that your child be with your hub on fridays and not in day care you must make that clear.
Feel free to post questions. This place is filled with wisdom, most here have "been there, done that" in one way or another and you can learn from their experiences and we can often tell you what didn't work for us as well!
I hope you'll feel comfortable here...put your feet up and read, read, read! And feel free to ask, to participate, to vent, whatever! We share a common bond and most of us can honestly say, "I understand."
Originally Posted by walkingtheline
First of all, welcome!
One of the biggest lessons we learn through Al-anon is to mean what we say, say what we mean and not say it in a mean way. If it's important to you that your child be with your hub on fridays and not in day care you must make that clear.
Feel free to post questions. This place is filled with wisdom, most here have "been there, done that" in one way or another and you can learn from their experiences and we can often tell you what didn't work for us as well!
I hope you'll feel comfortable here...put your feet up and read, read, read! And feel free to ask, to participate, to vent, whatever! We share a common bond and most of us can honestly say, "I understand."
One of the biggest lessons we learn through Al-anon is to mean what we say, say what we mean and not say it in a mean way. If it's important to you that your child be with your hub on fridays and not in day care you must make that clear.
Feel free to post questions. This place is filled with wisdom, most here have "been there, done that" in one way or another and you can learn from their experiences and we can often tell you what didn't work for us as well!
I hope you'll feel comfortable here...put your feet up and read, read, read! And feel free to ask, to participate, to vent, whatever! We share a common bond and most of us can honestly say, "I understand."
Cruelty-Free
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Body: South Florida Heart: Yosemite National Park
Posts: 914
[Um... has anyone mentioned Al-Anon?
See? This is why I love this site! All my peeps are here!]
HWGA--welcome again. I know that you'll find your answers. You're already asking the right questions...
See? This is why I love this site! All my peeps are here!]
HWGA--welcome again. I know that you'll find your answers. You're already asking the right questions...
Originally Posted by nocellphone
[Um... has anyone mentioned Al-Anon?
See? This is why I love this site! All my peeps are here!]
HWGA--welcome again. I know that you'll find your answers. You're already asking the right questions...
See? This is why I love this site! All my peeps are here!]
HWGA--welcome again. I know that you'll find your answers. You're already asking the right questions...
Am I the perfect candidate for it or something ?
Welcome. You've found a great place - second only to face to face meetings. Whilst I might not have had the same experience as you, you can bet that someone here has.
Keep looking around - when I first got here a year ago, I spent days trawling back through old posts. It really helped me to get a "feel" for what SR was all about and helped me to feel less isolated. Check out the other forums too, especially the nar-anon one.
Looking forward to getting to know you.
Love
Minnie
xxx
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)