GettingBy

My husband went on a three-day bender this past weekend (thursday, friday, and saturday). It was tough for me to stand by and let the disease run it's course. I did very well to let go and let god. I focused on me and kept myself occupied with lots of happy things and went to as many Al-anon meetings as possible. In focusing on me, I was able to let go of the anger and resentments. Reminding myself that it's not HIM doing this to me, it's the alcoholism doing it to HIM, but that doesn't change the fact that it still caused me ALOT of pain.

We never really talked about the 3 days of drinking (he knows I have issue with the drinking). I just don't feel like I have anything to say to him about it. If he doesn't see it on his own, there's nothing I can say to get him to see it. He left on Monday morning for 4 days of out of town business. We haven't really talked while he's been gone except the 5 minute "Good morning" call and the 10 minute "How was your day" call in the evening. He has been searching for something in the conversations b/c a few times he's said, "Do you even miss me?" My only response was, "I'm not even going to entertain that topic. Move on. Pick something else." I guess I just wasn't ready to tell him the truth. I have to say these 3 days have been the happiest I've had since I've met him. I really enjoy focusing on me, and I have been incredibly busy! It's amazing how much I want to do when I'm not bogged down with his guilt. So to answer his question, "No, not at all." And that doesn't come with an "I'm sorry", because I'm not sorry that I don't miss him.

The realization of all of this makes me sad. It makes me realize how much grief, anxiety and tension the alcoholism brings into our home. I've had a taste of life without it, and I have to say I don't want it back. He's coming home, briefly, tomorrow night, and then back out of town for another 3 day bender. I know tomorrow night is not the time to share all of this with him, but I know that I should really think about how to approach him with the subject.

He knows I have a problem with his drinking. He knows that I'm very active with Al-anon and he also knows that I'm starting to take my life back. As much as he would act like the discussion was a surprise, I know in his heart he has to know it's coming.

I don't know the how or the when, but I do know the what. So with that, I guess I'm going to give it to God and have some patience. I love my husband, alot, but I can't stand his disease and the effect it's having on me. I need some space and I need my life back.

Thanks for listening,
Shannon

minnie

(((Shannon)))

My heart goes out to you. I know how tough this is, however, you are right - you need your life back.

Al-anon teaches us that we have choices. Some choose to stay with the alcoholic, others choose not to. Both choices are difficult in their own way. Maintaining the status quo is not an option in the long term. By that I mean, the choice has to be an active one for us to be happy with that choice.

We are here for you through all of this.

Love

Minnie
xxx

Helene75

I had the same exact expeience last month. My boyfriend went away for 11 days on business. He would call me for a few min everyday and tell me how much he missed me. I honestly did not miss him. That was the best week I had in 4 years. Being able to live knowing what I was going to do. Not worrying about his drinking, it was wonderful. It was also my turning point. It was the moment I said, he will never take me away from myself again. Its been hard, but I am sticking to my guns. Do what you need to do for yourself, I am rooting for you too. I am right there with you.