Is this normal??
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: CA
Posts: 109
Is this normal??
Hi guys
I am still here and doing OK. Things are looking a bit better and I am beginning to detach myself from him. I am hearing on the grapevine how drunk he has been, how many women he has been with etc... and Im beginning to thing I have had a lucky escape!
I have had a couple of nights out with friends and I am slowly beginning to feel OK about myself. I met a guy last week. He was really nice. well educated and we shared so many interests. It was so good to be able to have a normal conversation. I know that sounds daft but my conversations with exAB before we really one way!!
Anyhow as I said we got on well. I do not want to get involved with anyone and that has been made clear but I think he could be a lovely friend.
OK this is the problem. We met for a drink and I watched his drinking like a hawk. I felt so bad, really guilty. He is not my partner - yet I was watching him drink. I even asked him how much he drank weekends etc!!! I apologised but felt so bad. Is this normal???
Can I also thank you all for your prayers and support.
Katie
I am still here and doing OK. Things are looking a bit better and I am beginning to detach myself from him. I am hearing on the grapevine how drunk he has been, how many women he has been with etc... and Im beginning to thing I have had a lucky escape!
I have had a couple of nights out with friends and I am slowly beginning to feel OK about myself. I met a guy last week. He was really nice. well educated and we shared so many interests. It was so good to be able to have a normal conversation. I know that sounds daft but my conversations with exAB before we really one way!!
Anyhow as I said we got on well. I do not want to get involved with anyone and that has been made clear but I think he could be a lovely friend.
OK this is the problem. We met for a drink and I watched his drinking like a hawk. I felt so bad, really guilty. He is not my partner - yet I was watching him drink. I even asked him how much he drank weekends etc!!! I apologised but felt so bad. Is this normal???
Can I also thank you all for your prayers and support.
Katie
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
Hooray for you that you're observant enough to notice the things that once caused you great grief and pain.
After all we've been though and as a part of our growth, we do need to be cautious. Definitely don't want to fall back into the old role, do we? Hell no!!!
If I were in your situation, I would have done the same thing. I think others would too. It's okay to be cautious.
After all we've been though and as a part of our growth, we do need to be cautious. Definitely don't want to fall back into the old role, do we? Hell no!!!
If I were in your situation, I would have done the same thing. I think others would too. It's okay to be cautious.
If one puts their hand on a hot stove and is burned, then checks the next time to make sure the burner is not on before they put their hand down, that is very very sane. In my experience, sanity is abnormal. So is the ability to surf, but it doesn't mean no one should strive for it, or that they are not GREATLY admired for achieving it.
Embrace abnormality. Hugs!
Embrace abnormality. Hugs!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: In my own world...
Posts: 444
Congrats! I agree with everyone else. You learnt something very important and you're acting on it. You have another chance now to find happiness in a relationship and you know what qualities to avoid. It's good you're watching. No point in making the same mistake twice.
So funny cause I think we can all relate... I've had my times, and anytime anyone drinks, I cant help but really get nervous about their alcoholism. But the funny thing is, I feel I can drink and be just fine, matter of fact, I can get wasted and not believe I'm an addict or ill.
After visiting AA a few times, I'm a little afraid I will one day get this disease as they say its a progressive disease and I would never want to wake up one day realizing I'm an alcoholic. I dont want to go to AA for life and I dont like what I see in there...
I have been thinking of giving up drinking period... or limiting it only to social drinking and even then, keeping it very moderate (never getting drunk party).
My point though is, its funny cause I'm very nervous when I see someone else I like drink, but I think its ok for me to do this... hmmmm something probably worth really thinking deep and honest about with myself.
After visiting AA a few times, I'm a little afraid I will one day get this disease as they say its a progressive disease and I would never want to wake up one day realizing I'm an alcoholic. I dont want to go to AA for life and I dont like what I see in there...
I have been thinking of giving up drinking period... or limiting it only to social drinking and even then, keeping it very moderate (never getting drunk party).
My point though is, its funny cause I'm very nervous when I see someone else I like drink, but I think its ok for me to do this... hmmmm something probably worth really thinking deep and honest about with myself.
OMG toooo funny cuz I do the same thing with myself.
Though I dont remember the last time I got drunk (opps ok, that vegas trip) but I love my wine and drink it often. SO because of all this I have questioned myself if I have a drinking problem.
Because of history (family/me) I know I have to be very careful too cuz I learned to drink as a self medication method... so for that Im careful too.
BUT through theraphy and classes I feel that my fear right now is more based on what I went through with my ex-ABF... so Im also careful not to judge too harshly.
Though I dont remember the last time I got drunk (opps ok, that vegas trip) but I love my wine and drink it often. SO because of all this I have questioned myself if I have a drinking problem.
Because of history (family/me) I know I have to be very careful too cuz I learned to drink as a self medication method... so for that Im careful too.
BUT through theraphy and classes I feel that my fear right now is more based on what I went through with my ex-ABF... so Im also careful not to judge too harshly.
Survivor
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Proud Upstate New Yorker
Posts: 869
I think it is normal considering the circumstances. I dont date or find any interest in anyone who drinks or gets high in any sort of way because I know it would bring out the codependent in me and make me terribly uncomfortable. Maybe one day I will be able to handle someone who drinks or smokes but in the meanwhile, I tend to stay away because it brings out all kinds of feelings in me. *hugs*
Four questions I WILL ask anyone of interest or of whom I may have feelings for:
1) Do you have a record?
2) How long have you been with the same job?
3) How often do you drink and how much?
4) Have you ever drank and drove?
(Kinda reminds me of the CarFax commercial )
I will also look at the person's surroundings and try to see what is important to that person, ie...moving onward and upward or staying put.
I think it's normal to wonder. I mean, why would you want to put yourself BACK into that situation?
1) Do you have a record?
2) How long have you been with the same job?
3) How often do you drink and how much?
4) Have you ever drank and drove?
(Kinda reminds me of the CarFax commercial )
I will also look at the person's surroundings and try to see what is important to that person, ie...moving onward and upward or staying put.
I think it's normal to wonder. I mean, why would you want to put yourself BACK into that situation?
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